I asked about 5,000 yen for transportation, and the meeting lasted two hours. I think that salaryman probably earns less per month than my total monthly income. When I asked whether he had offered to meet other women, he said, “The offer fee is expensive, so…” I assume he chose me only after giving it a lot of thought, but he also said, “I’m not a wealthy man,” so I’m worried that I may be forcing him to pay the allowance.
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To be honest, he said the offer fee was expensive, so I assumed the allowance would be low. Even so, I took a firm stance and said, “I’m not short of money—I already receive plenty of support from other men, so I have no reason to enter into an arrangement for anything less than my desired amount.” Perhaps he really liked my appearance, because he agreed, saying, “If you’re that young and beautiful, I suppose that makes sense…”
Apparently, he had looked up the going rate for allowances online beforehand, and it was listed as 30,000–50,000 yen. I’m surprised that he agreed to my requested amount even though it was higher than the offer fee, but do men like that tend to try to negotiate the allowance down once the relationship continues? What do you think?
For his sake as well—since he’ll have to give me the allowance again next time—should I send him a message ending things sooner rather than later? But he went out of his way to pay what he considered an expensive offer fee to meet me, so wouldn’t it be terribly inconsiderate to end things after only one meeting?
If he were a papa (a male supporter) with plenty of money, I wouldn’t think twice about any of this. But since he carefully considered things before offering to meet me, I feel terribly sorry for him.
I’m Nana Ayase♡
I’m sure you’ll ask me to lower the allowance—
you might even say you want it for free.
If that feels like too much of a burden, please just say goodbye.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
> I’m surprised he agreed to my requested amount even though it’s higher than the offer fee. If we continue seeing each other, won’t men like that eventually try to negotiate it down?
He may eventually bring up lowering the amount, but for now, he’s agreed to that figure, so I don’t think you need to worry about it.
People spend money on what they want to spend money on, and avoid spending it on things they don’t value.
He probably doesn’t want to pay the offer fee to Universe, but is willing to pay the woman directly.
If you’re still receiving your allowance properly despite his low income, I think it’s fine to continue seeing him.
If he brings up lowering the amount, you can simply end things then.
Incidentally, some men are stingy with their allowance even if they earn a lot. So rather than worrying about his income, just focus on how much allowance he’s willing to give you.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If you feel bad making an average-earning salaryman work too hard, then kindly offer to lower your allowance yourself. lol
That’s the kind of kind world I wish for.
I wish all the women I’m seeing right now would offer to reduce their allowance on their own.
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I’m in Seattle.
That salaryman isn’t just seeing multiple women—he’s also giving you his full attention and following the rules.
Until he asks you to lower your allowance, please give him a chance.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If it’s ¥5,000 for transportation and two hours of your time, that doesn’t violate the rules.
As long as he’s offering more than your personal minimum, I think you should continue seeing him.
You don’t need to worry about how much he earns.
People with higher incomes often live accordingly, so they aren’t necessarily financially comfortable.
Even if a man’s income isn’t particularly high, if he lives alone and has complete control over his own money, he may still be able to give you the allowance you’re looking for.
And even if you earn more than he does, don’t forget that your income is unstable because it depends on receiving substantial financial support.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Since I’m not the person in question, I can’t say whether he’ll try to negotiate the allowance down if the relationship continues. More to the point, the man himself may not even know whether he would do that.
If you’re satisfied with the allowance the questioner offered, I think you should go ahead with the relationship.
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This is Mac, a male member.
If that’s the case, there’s absolutely no need to feel sorry for the man. You don’t need to lower your desired amount out of consideration for his circumstances either—though of course, that’s up to you.
What I want to make clear is that your attitude of feeling “sorry for him” is actually insulting to men, and reflects the kind of thinking that turns men into losers. You shouldn’t coddle a man in that way. A respectable woman would say, “Let’s meet again once you’re successful enough to pay what I’m asking,” and move on.
P.S.
Was the question whether that salaryman might try to negotiate the amount down?
I can’t say, but I hear that the recently much-discussed “Itadaki joshi” specifically target those unassuming salarymen. Never underestimate salarymen. If they really set their minds to it, they’ll throw in their entire salary and savings. The middle-aged small-business owners who are used to having fun seem much more likely to haggle over the allowance.
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