I'm considering ending things with a man I'm supposed to meet for an adult relationship within the next week. His background is truly impressive, and I feel he's someone an ordinary college student like me would never normally get to meet. But I honestly find his appearance repulsive, and even the way he talks makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've already had an adult relationship with him once, and I got through it with sheer determination, getting used to it, and the darkness. But the thought of having to do it again makes me feel depressed every day, and when I remember his truly repulsive face and the way he talks, I feel like crying. At the same time, I do believe that continuing to see him could definitely benefit my life in some way. Ideally, I would be able to see him without any adult relationship at all, but I don't think I'm valuable enough for that. I'm sure a savvy woman would know how to make good use of a man like this and use the relationship to move up in life, but I don't have the confidence to do that at this point. I'm supposed to see him soon, and I think I can put on my biggest smile and be pleasant while we're together. But I'm scared when I think about the mental stress I'll feel once I get home and come to my senses. (I have bipolar disorder, and I'm probably in a manic state while doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Then, when I'm alone, being with a man who makes me feel especially uncomfortable worsens my depression and accelerates my binge-eating and purging.)
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You may be thinking, “Then just stop seeing him,” but we've already made plans, so I feel it would be rude to suddenly call it off. Normally, I think everyone would put up with it and continue the relationship for the sake of moving up in life, so I genuinely don't know what I should do. Financially, I would be fine even without his support because I receive support from other men. But when I think about finding a job in the future, I feel that this man is the one whose relationship would be most meaningful and from whom I could grow socially.
Would you continue seeing a man who makes you feel extremely uncomfortable if you were thinking about the benefits for your future?
I’m Aya, one of the female members.
To cut to the chase, you should stop meeting him. You can use any excuse to turn him down—feeling unwell, your parents finding out, whatever works.
If you force yourself to date this man and your mental health deteriorates, you may end up not wanting to meet any other papas, which could interfere with your papa-katsu as a whole. It could even become traumatic and make men feel repulsive to you.
In that case, you’d be giving up the benefits you could otherwise gain from papa-katsu with other supporters in the future.
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I’m Ayase Nana☆
Don’t do it—it’ll only wear you out…
There are plenty of people with impressive titles, you know.
Dating someone like that won’t make you important, either. I’m only saying this for your own good: don’t do it.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
It sounds like it would be too difficult if you have to go through that much hardship.
If you could marry through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and inherit money, like the wife of Kishu’s Don Juan, then it would be a sure thing—but that case is extremely rare.
As everyone else has said, aside from that, you might receive an allowance and, at most, a place to live. But the possibility of being introduced to a job seems quite slim, and as for personal growth, you’ll have to work on that yourself. Your partner isn’t necessarily going to help you grow.
Your partner may be an impressive person, but if you’d be fine with another papa (a male supporter), it might be worth calmly reconsidering.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here—I’ll answer as well.
> Would you continue seeing a man who makes you deeply uncomfortable, thinking about the benefits you might gain in the future?
Future benefits…
Since no one knows what the future holds, you can’t really know whether they’ll actually benefit you in the long run.
Basically, I think what matters most is the present. If meeting him is painful for you now, I think you should stop.
If there are benefits at the moment, it may be worth weighing them up—but even then, I feel that forcing yourself will only make things harder.
I think you’re better off seeing a man you can be with without pushing yourself.
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Dating someone important won’t make you important yourself. Won’t it just become an unpleasant memory in your life?
I think it would be best to stay away.
Marika
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Isn’t it rather naive and short-sighted to assume that someone with a respectable social standing whom you met through papa-katsu would put in a good word for you or pull strings during your job search?
You’re already receiving an allowance and getting to experience benefits you could never otherwise enjoy. Don’t you think that’s more than enough?
If it’s really that painful for you, just turn him down early, saying you’re not feeling well.
Men are looking for young women they can have an adult relationship (intimate) with while happily paying an allowance.
—Akari
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
I understand how you feel. I imagine you’re struggling to weigh the future you might gain against the pain you’d have to endure in exchange for it.
To put it simply, tell him, “I haven’t been feeling well, so I’d like to refrain from seeing you.” Then let him know that you’d be willing to meet as long as there’s no adult relationship (intimate). Since you don’t want to give him false hope, be clear that if he can’t meet under those terms, you won’t be able to see him.
Even if this means losing the opportunity, try to accept that it was never truly yours to begin with.
Also, to be honest, even if your papa (a male supporter) has a high social status, it’s highly unlikely that he’ll make special arrangements for you through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). My guess is that he uses a club like this precisely because he doesn’t want the hassle of making those kinds of arrangements himself.
To be honest, it’s not wise to expect too much from someone you met through papa-katsu. I recommend assuming the worst and prioritizing your own health above all else.
I believe that, rather than trying to use someone you met here to get ahead, you’ll achieve greater success a few years from now by steadily building your own appeal and connections.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) should be something where both sides can enjoy the benefits comfortably and without unnecessary effort, so you may want to rethink your approach.
Putting yourself through papa-katsu misery won’t last.
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This is Mack, a male member.
If your bingeing and purging is getting worse, you should stop. There’s nothing wrong with using your femininity to your advantage, but you shouldn’t do it at the expense of your health. Don’t underestimate binge-purge behavior.
Take the conventional route and get ahead through your abilities and work performance. That’s what all men do.
P.S. In a way, I’m impressed by how women can be so greedy, but all you can get from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is an allowance. Wanting more than that is, well, similar to men who fall genuinely in love.
You should stop doing papa-katsu for something beyond the intended compensation.
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