What kind of man makes a woman find and reserve the restaurant?

I’m Taro, a male member. I’ve actually done that before（笑). It was overseas, so not knowing the area was part of it. We decided on that division of roles on our first date, and it stayed that way afterward. She wasn’t treating me like a servant—we were completely equals. We had plenty of arguments, but that never changed. In this case they’re in the same country, but if the man lives in a rural area and isn’t interested in food—or doesn’t have the skills to find a decent restaurant without being misled by false information online—then it seems like a perfectly natural option. If the woman is okay with it, I don’t see a problem. I also don’t like the opinion that he should just give her extra money in that situation. It can simply be a conversation like, “I’m not good at choosing restaurants, so could you handle it? I’ll pay for the meal.” “Sure.” And if she picks somewhere ridiculously expensive, they can argue: “That’s way too expensive!” That’s what a normal human relationship looks like to me. Of course, avoiding unnecessary conflict is one possible strategy when the relationship is based on a dating club arrangement, but I also think avoiding too much can make the relationship boring. If a woman doesn’t like that kind of arrangement, she can just say no. That’s what a dating club is for—you’re free to decline. I understand struggling with where to draw the line, but saying that a man like that is completely unacceptable is taking it too far.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I think it’s a good idea, though（笑） I’m enjoying the benefits, and the women seem to enjoy themselves while making some pocket money too. No one has ever told me they didn’t like it. Well, if they don’t like something, they can just say so, and if they say they don’t want to continue seeing me, I’d simply accept that… P.S. It’s true that I don’t receive any offers. That’s because I’ve already left the service…

Everyone’s different. As long as you’ve found a way to spend time together comfortably and enjoyably, there’s no need to worry about other people making a fuss. Personally, I’m happy when my papa thinks things through for me or asks, “How about this place?” Everything makes me think: “Thank you—I’m looking forward to it!” You’re you. Other people are other people. —Akari

I’m Fuu, a columnist. You’ve really got some pent-up frustration, huh? Is it really something worth getting that angry about? Don’t worry—more male members aren’t going to start leaving restaurant reservations to female members, so you can relax. It was just a coincidence. If the person asking comes across a papa like that, my answer is: don’t continue the arrangement. Are you trashing them with provocative wording just to get “likes”? If it’s causing you that much stress, don’t push yourself. If papa-katsu is really full of nothing but stingy, inadequate papas who can only take you to the tacky hotels you mentioned, then why not just quit?

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. I understand how you feel, and I think many of the things you said are perfectly reasonable. But please wait a moment. Your way of thinking is a little—or rather, quite—rigid. If that’s how you feel, doesn’t it simply mean that you’re not particularly interested in food? You feel that looking for and making reservations at restaurants you want to visit is a hassle, right? The more interested you are in food, the more enjoyable and exciting it is to search for restaurants and choose places you genuinely want to try. The same goes for the woman you’re seeing. And the closer you become… I’ve been interested in food and cooking since I was in elementary school, so I can spend hours researching and looking for restaurants I want to visit. I even enjoy walking around busy downtown areas by myself for hours, looking for good places. That’s why I can find a delicious restaurant even at the last minute, including on the day itself. But because I’m so interested in food, I also strongly want to go to the restaurants the woman wants to visit. Usually, I’ll make the reservation, have her choose from restaurants I’ve suggested in advance, or select a place based on the type of food she wants to eat. But as you grow closer, it’s not just that she may occasionally make the reservation herself. Some women will make a reservation every time at a restaurant they personally want to visit. Being able to go to a place you genuinely want to visit is truly enjoyable and satisfying. The person you’re with feels comfortable too, and it makes you happy just to be there together. You can become captivated simply by watching how much she enjoys it. And the reason you can feel that way is because neither of you considers choosing a restaurant a hassle—you both enjoy looking for places together. So, as in the original question, I think it’s perfectly fine for the woman to make the reservation if she enjoys searching for restaurants. The fact that the reservation prices vary so much also suggests that she isn’t only interested in expensive restaurants, but is genuinely interested in food itself. The question was essentially: “I can’t really appreciate food, so what should I do? How can we find common ground?” The respondent was being asked to think of some ideas. Generally speaking, it’s common knowledge that the woman’s perspective in this particular question is perfectly reasonable. Since this was simply an unusual case—though perhaps not that uncommon among men—I don’t feel there was any need to make snide remarks about it.

I understand how you feel, but I don’t think it’s something to get that angry about. I also doubt that men who don’t do that already would read this Q&A and change their ways. Personally, I wouldn’t continue seeing a papa (a male supporter) who expected me to make all the restaurant reservations and then handed me the money upfront so I could pay the bill myself. When I see a papa for dinner only (no intimacy) and he always takes me to incredibly delicious restaurants, I sometimes get a little nervous wondering, “How much did he pay for this…?” Though most of it is probably his drinks anyway (lol). Marika

Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here, weighing in as well. I thought it would be a pretty good deal if the woman could choose the restaurant she wanted to go to and still receive the change. But if she doesn’t want to pay at all, then it does become rather difficult. We sometimes get feedback like: “I was taken to a chain izakaya, and I hated it.” “I was taken to a beer garden. I could go somewhere like that anytime on my own.” “It was a family restaurant. I was shocked.” But if you take it to the extreme, it basically becomes a matter of saying that the man should pay even at those kinds of places. That’s what leaving the choice up to the other person means. If that’s the case, then as long as you can choose the restaurant you want to go to, take calories into account if you’re dieting, or pick somewhere you haven’t been to but that looks like it has a nice atmosphere, I don’t think the payment itself needs to be such a sticking point. Of course, the ideal situation would be for the man to understand how the woman feels, choose that kind of restaurant himself, and handle the payment smoothly. That said, when you leave it up to the man, some will take you to a cheap place. Considering that, I think this is a good idea. Still, I understand wanting a perfect man, and I understand that being the ideal. You’ve probably mostly met good men so far. Men like that will likely continue doing things the same way. And if you tell them, “I’d like you to let me choose the restaurant,” I think they’ll go back to the old arrangement, so I don’t think you need to worry too much.

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. I did write an answer to the previous question, but for some reason the text disappeared, so I gave up on posting it. In short, I wrote: “If it were me, I’d be too scared to criticize a place a woman chose. It seems like an act of suicide—going out of your way to step on a person to avoid.” So I thought, “Yep, definitely a person to avoid. Lol.” It feels a bit like I’m answering after the fact, but here goes. My answer this time is: “Watching a man who doesn’t understand how scary women can be makes me feel oddly nervous.”