I’m uncomfortable with a man who keeps touching me constantly while we’re together. I don’t know if he can’t stand not having physical contact, but he keeps holding my hand, kissing me, hugging me, and clinging to me without letting go. It’s exhausting, and the smell of his sweaty hands and slight drool is stressful. I feel like I’m going to start smelling like an older man myself. I’ve thought about asking him to save it for when we’re intimate, but even in bed, he’s overly persistent and takes a long time to finish, which is really difficult for me.
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Is there any way to deal with this kind of man so he stops being so touchy-feely? Or is breaking things off the only option?
I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
I can understand how that man feels. I’m basically the type who likes close physical contact too. But what I like most is being pinned down.
I lie on my back, and the woman lies face-down on top of me, pressing me down with her full weight. That’s what I enjoy.
If I ask, “Please! Get on top of me!” quite a few women actually do.
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I’m Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu, and I’ll answer this too.
I don’t think men like that will change. It may be a kind of sexual preference.
At first dates arranged through the club, there have been men who touch their partner during dinner, touch her in the elevator, and kiss her whenever they see an opening. We received complaints from almost every woman they met, but even after being warned repeatedly, they didn’t change, and we even considered banning one of them from the club.
I think, deep down, they either can’t control themselves or genuinely wonder, “What’s wrong with just touching her?”
If you feel you could put up with that much as long as the allowance were higher, you could tell him the amount you’d need to be comfortable with it.
If he can’t agree, then I think it may be time to part ways.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
That’s definitely not okay—he’s the type who’s completely fixated on that kind of thing. He probably won’t be able to move on until he meets a woman who accepts all of it.
Cutting him off is probably best, but since you are getting paid, how about giving him absolutely no reaction to that kind of behavior during your dates? If he complains, stay just as cold. If you manage to discourage him somewhat and he still doesn’t walk away, that could work too.
If the adult relationship goes on too long, you could suddenly ask with a completely straight face, “Is this going to continue much longer?” That should get the message across, haha. Whether it’s good or bad aside, people like that do exist in fairly large numbers, so it wouldn’t be that unnatural. He probably won’t be pleased, but if you’re going to fight back, making the other person uncomfortable is also a strategy.
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I’m a male member named Paper Airplane.
Break up with him. You’ll feel so relieved.
That man gives you no sense of satisfaction whatsoever, including in the bedroom. He probably lacks the experience, confidence, skills, ability, and consideration to leave you feeling truly fulfilled.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
There really are men like that, aren’t there? In my case, it wasn’t a papa, but a younger man, and I genuinely couldn’t stand it. Before we started dating, I thought he was a calm, nice guy. But the moment we got together, he seemed so happy that he couldn’t contain himself—he’d get all touchy-feely while we were eating, try to kiss me in public, and always want to hold hands when we were walking. It made me feel sick enough to be traumatized, so I broke up with him after three months.
Do you think that man had little experience with women? I don’t mean to be rude, but I feel like this kind of behavior is common among men who aren’t popular with women… They’re so unbelievably thrilled to finally be in a relationship that they just can’t hold themselves back. Even when you tell them to stop, they often don’t change, so I think breaking up is the only option. If you put up with it, you could end up traumatized and completely stuck.
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