Tips
Jun 6, 2021 02:01
9 answers
🏅 パパ活歴7年目突入
彼氏/既婚/他パパ/セフレOK/全力応援
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
For a relationship at a club to last, I think there needs to be either exceptional compatibility or mutual respect.
Male members have, to varying degrees, weathered the rough world of society to build their current positions. Being able to read people is extremely important, and seeing through someone’s true character often contributes to business success.
The more successful and security-conscious a papa (a male supporter) is, the more likely they are to notice that, deep down, you’re thinking things like:
“So they’ll probably start whining that they’re bored eventually, right?”
“Especially since the men here are generally lacking in basic decency.”
After meeting several times, your true colors will eventually show. They may think, “She’s cute and has a great figure, but her personality is awful. Maybe it’s time to move on and find someone who’s better overall.”
Since you already feel that “the men here are generally lacking in basic decency,” you might actually be happier if the relationship ends sooner rather than later.
Other
He says things like, “It gets better every time,” and “You’re definitely a woman I can’t imagine the latter half of my life without.”
I feel like our bodies and hearts are connected, so for now, I’m not worried about being discarded once he gets bored.
By the way, I see this person every week.
Also, up until now, I’ve usually been the one to end things.
Marika
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
> They arrange their schedules, meet several times, and just when I’ve genuinely started to trust them, they end up saying they’re bored, right?
If the men you meet are all like that, I think you should consider how to deal with it.
Normally, as you meet more often, a sense of trust develops, and you start to feel more comfortable together. Since she was someone they liked in the first place, they should naturally want to see her again.
So if they say they’re bored after meeting you a few times, I think it would be worth considering that there may be some issue and taking a closer look at yourself.
There may be something you haven’t noticed about yourself.
For example, perhaps conversation with you isn’t very enjoyable. Or maybe intimate time isn’t much fun because you don’t make any sounds. It’s hard to know without actually meeting you, of course.
But if you observe your partner carefully, you may start to notice things like when they seem bored during certain conversations.
Also, if people are telling you they’re “bored,” I get the impression that you may be quite attractive.
If you can improve whatever issues you may have, you’ll likely find plenty of long-term papas (male supporters), and you won’t have to worry about things like this anymore.
🏅 ４０歳でリアル異世界転生したオッサン l 元金融マン → 現ＡＩ界隈
出張ホストの実技試験合格してるので、対女性への無難な前戯とかマナーに一定の知見あり。
Age: 40s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
My activities at the club are basically just a way to satisfy my sexual urges, and I tend to get bored or lose motivation periodically, so I’m probably the “terrible man” the questioner was talking about.
I try to treat them courteously, but I’ll suddenly tell them it’s over when I decide to part ways. In my mind, most of the time, I’m thinking little more than, “Thanks for filling in.”
Honestly, most women just take advantage of my hospitality, and very few give anything back. If someone gave me even a little in return, I’d fall for her in an instant.
My birthday was recently, and I ended things with the women who only kept asking me to buy them things without giving me anything, while staying with the one who gave me a figure of a character I like. “Thanks for filling in.”
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Kazu, a male member.
Basically, the more time you spend together, the better you understand each other, and the more you notice both the good and bad sides of the other person. If the good outweighs the bad, your attachment grows stronger, and you probably end up liking them more.
So if someone thinks, “The men here in particular lack basic humanity,” I don’t think she’ll come to like them. If one person dislikes the other, there’s no reason the other person would grow to like them.
In most cases, relationships are like mirrors.
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> Do men ever become more fond of someone the more they see her?
I already feel we click from the start, so I can’t really say that my feelings grow stronger over time. However, I do feel that a relationship of trust develops as the relationship continues.
It’s enough for me to confirm over four or five dates whether she can meet the expectations I have for the relationship when I first make an offer.
My expectations aren’t particularly demanding. The main ones are that we’re on the same page about STI prevention, avoiding being identified, dating expenses, and the number of people we each see.
I’m currently seeing just one woman, and we’ve been together for three years.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
> A woman a man grows to like more and more the more he sees her
People generally fall into two types: those who grow fonder with every meeting, and those who eventually get bored.
For the former type, sleeping with or dating lots of women isn’t appealing. They don’t get distracted by someone else, either. They just keep falling more deeply in love. Women can sense that, too, so the relationship doesn’t end.
I’m the former type, so the relationships I felt I’d continue for the rest of my life have lasted for decades. Since entering adult relationships (around age 30, perhaps?), I’ve had all kinds of encounters and experiences with my partners—marriages, divorces, broken engagements, and so on—but none of my relationships with these women have ever truly ended. They remain precious relationships to me even now. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of them.
The more frequently I see women from the club, the deeper our connection becomes, and the more my affection and appreciation for them grow. I have a feeling that my current absolute favorite will eventually become someone with whom I build a relationship outside the club—just as deep as, or perhaps even deeper than, my relationships with women I met outside the club.
Hmm… I said I wouldn’t make any offers this year, so if I do end up making one, will I be totally embarrassed? Please forgive me if that happens…
P.S.
Even through a club, I believe it’s possible to find someone with whom you’re perfectly compatible in every way.
As Kazu wrote about being a “mirror,” the essential first step is for you to be seen that way by the other person.
Just as someone who wins an Olympic gold medal can’t do so without first believing they’re capable of it,
if you don’t believe there’s a chance of achieving something truly exceptional, you won’t sense the signs of a miracle—or even draw it toward you.
Other
I’m Taro, a male member.
If it’s only about the physical side, I get bored fairly quickly. But if we truly connect emotionally, it can last a long time.
Relationship clubs are actually more difficult because people get intimate from the very beginning. Under normal circumstances, you couldn’t do that right away—but because men want to, they make the effort. Women normally want to trust someone before getting intimate too, right? But here, they do it because they’re getting paid. In a sense, you get what you want so easily at the outset, and then you have to make up for the emotional shortfall afterward. If you can do that, the relationship lasts. If you can’t, it turns into a kind of unconventional sex work and ends quickly.
From a man’s perspective, if it were only about the physical side, he’d just go to a brothel. Most men come here because they want to interact as people and build a relationship, not just that. I imagine many women feel the same way. But the trap of “getting intimate for money” is pretty difficult to overcome. I think the real question is how you get past that. It’s not a problem that belongs to just one side or the other.
Other
I’m Aya, a female member.
Are you having another sleepless night? When you start thinking about negative things in the middle of the night, it can be hard to stop, so try to get some sleep. That said, I can understand how you feel.
I’ve been seeing my papa for several years now, and he’s hardly ever cheated on me. In the beginning, he was seeing several women at the same time, but if you stay patient, humble, and persistent, the other women will eventually drop out, and you may naturally end up being the one who remains. Of course, he may still occasionally make offers to other women, but I basically trust him. There’s nothing to be gained from being suspicious, so I leave him to it. I do try, though, not to let him get bored with me.
A papa who gets bored quickly may have deep insecurities about himself as a man. As men get older, their sexual appeal fades, and they become less popular. Even so, they still want someone to acknowledge them as a man. So I imagine they keep pursuing new women one after another because they want to believe they’re still desirable—but you’d have to ask the men themselves to know what they really think.
Some papas may genuinely treat women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as people and engage with them sincerely. However, they’re probably in the minority, so if it’s wearing you out, I think it’s perfectly fine to quit papa-katsu.