Why do so many women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) only maintain a transactional, emotionally distant relationship, even though they could receive a generous allowance by acting like a lover and making the man happy?

I’m in Seattle. It takes effort on the man’s part to have her act like a girlfriend. Sometimes it takes years. I have one arrangement that’s been going on for eight years and another for seven. They’ve gone beyond a boyfriend-girlfriend vibe and are more like a sexless married couple who never got married. We’re close, though.

I’ll answer too—Maezawa from the president’s office. > Why is it that so many women in papa-katsu can only maintain a relationship with a sense of being transactional, keeping a clear line between them? If that’s the part you’re asking about, I think it may be because the statement before it— > “If you act like a man’s girlfriend and make him happy, you can receive a large allowance.” —isn’t necessarily true in every case. Men seem to have their own limit on how much they’re willing to pay. So no matter how much you act like their girlfriend, someone who only pays 30,000 yen will only pay 30,000 yen, and someone who only pays 70,000 yen will only pay 70,000 yen. It seems that most men who pay 50,000 yen won’t suddenly say, “If you act like my girlfriend, I’ll pay you 150,000 yen.” Of course, not every man is like that. If they really like someone, there may be men like you who gradually raise the allowance per meeting from 50,000 to 100,000, then 150,000 yen. Unfortunately, though, those men are a minority. That’s why I can’t really blame women for thinking, “In that case, I’ll keep it transactional.” If most men increased the allowance when they genuinely liked someone, I think more women would be willing to act like girlfriends too. But as long as men themselves decide on the allowance in a strictly transactional way, it’s difficult to expect women to behave differently. That said, if this is genuinely your style, you could tell women something like: “The woman I used to see gradually became more like a girlfriend. I started by giving her 50,000 yen, but after six months I raised it to 100,000, and after a year, to 150,000. I even gave her a bag worth over a million yen for her birthday. Once we started feeling like a real couple, I just found myself spending more money on her. But if you really like someone, I guess it can’t be helped. We broke up because she was getting married, but I’m looking for someone like that again…” If you said something like that, she might realize that you’re the kind of man who increases the allowance on his own when he really likes someone. That might help her feel secure enough to grow fond of you. I’m sure you wouldn’t particularly want to say something like that, but unless you do, women will probably assume you’re no different from the majority of men who don’t behave that way. That said, there are also plenty of women who maintain a relationship like a couple on a personal level, even when the allowance doesn’t increase. Naturally, it depends on the man. And if you’re already seeing women in that way, you probably know that plenty of women are open to such relationships. Maybe you’re kind to women, considerate, attractive, or fun to talk to. There could be many reasons. But before asking what women are like, perhaps you should first reconsider whether you’re actually offering those things to women yourself. One day, you may realize that you can meet women like that without even having to write about it here.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Bringing out the best in a woman depends on the man. I think most women genuinely want to treat their papa as a person and build a relationship where they truly enjoy spending time together. P.S. > If she satisfied me, I could give her a large allowance... That comment makes you sound transactional, gives you zero points, and makes you an “if-only” kind of guy. Women will see you as someone who thinks money can buy anything. Money isn’t all women care about, either.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I can’t agree that this applies to many women in papa-katsu, but I do feel that women who can only offer something that feels like a transactional relationship are missing out. Sometimes keeping a boundary comes from being cautious, so I don’t think maintaining that boundary is the same as giving off a transactional vibe. As Basil mentioned, there’s also the approach of thinking in the medium to long term. Perhaps the difference comes down to whether someone is willing to take a positive approach to things or not. I more or less understand what a transactional vibe feels like. You do come across it occasionally. It’s not enjoyable, so I just end the meeting after dinner.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. You feel that transactional vibe because they’re keeping things transactional. They keep it transactional because you’re the kind of man they can keep things transactional with. One of my own problems is that women won’t keep things transactional with me. I’m not a man they can compartmentalize, haha. That’s exactly what my next column is about.

I’m Basil, a male member. I think most women involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) need money right away, so they can’t really take a medium- or long-term view, like accepting a short-term loss for a greater payoff later.