How would you feel if a PJ asked you for something worth around ¥300,000 on the first or second date? Would you still want to continue seeing her? And do you think she was asking casually, figuring there was nothing to lose?
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I’m open to giving gifts once we’ve built a stronger relationship, but honestly, it didn’t leave me feeling very good. I’d like to hear how others would handle this.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
You seem to be asking a question based solely on your own feelings.
Have you given any thought to how the woman felt, or why she might have brought up that subject?
This was a chance meeting between two people, and you chose to reach out to her from among at least 8,000 women. I think it might be worth considering the background a little more.
In that sense, I think it’s worth reflecting on things the way Seattle-san did. And as Mac-san suggested, you could also look at improving yourself by asking why you weren’t able to pick up on it from her profile.
It’s also possible that she asked for something because you were bragging about being wealthy during the date.
There could be all kinds of factors involved, so rather than focusing only on your own feelings, I think it would be helpful to consider how the other person felt and how the conversation came to that point.
If you think doing that would just be a waste of time, then you may well find that things continue to go wrong with other women in the future.
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Anyone who makes that kind of request on the first or second date is clearly lacking common sense, so I end things immediately.
Of course, I don’t buy them any presents either.
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I’m Zuiki, an ungifted, ordinary male member.
> How would you feel if a PJ asked you for something worth around ¥300,000 on the first or second date?
I’d feel like I was being tested.
> Would you want to continue seeing her?
I’d decide based on whether she was worth that amount.
If she were an amazing woman whom I absolutely wanted to keep seeing, I wouldn’t end things solely because she asked for something. I’d make an overall judgment.
> And when the PJ says it, is she just asking casually, thinking there’s no harm in trying?
I don’t think you could call an amount like that casual.
But honestly, I can’t say for sure.
The moment you realize you don’t feel good about it, you can probably judge for yourself what that woman is really worth!
Just my personal opinion—Zuiki♪
(I’ve been reading way too many of Saito-san’s “It’s me, Saito-san♪” columns lately lol.)
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I feel like I once saw someone on Universe’s YouTube whose relationship ended after she asked him for a bag on the very first day, then simply said, “Thank you.”
That PJ probably already gets plenty of offers, and there seem to be quite a few men who are easy to take advantage of—men who would actually buy her something worth around ¥300,000 just because she asked on the first day.
Well, this was certainly a valuable learning experience for him.
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If I were in your shoes, I think I’d have the same thoughts as Mac.
And as for the right answer—or rather, the reality of the situation and the woman’s circumstances—that would be what Seattle said.
Marika
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From a woman’s perspective, I think she probably falls into one of three patterns.
① She wants to give off the impression that she’s expensive to date
As Seattle mentioned, she may already have a generous supporter and wants to narrow down her options while also showing, “I’m an expensive woman to keep.” If she’s attractive enough to pull that off and you have plenty of room in your budget, go for it!
② You may have implied that you’re wealthy in the first place
I’ve come across women like this on apps I used in the past. They write things like, “I once gave my ex a ___ as a gift,” or “I often go shopping at high-end ___ stores”… Yet quite a few papas (male supporters) who write things like that never actually give them gifts. I always think to myself, “Then don’t write it in your profile, babe♡”
③ She’s thinking, “There’s a chance he might buy it for me”
She may simply be saying, “I’d be so happy if you bought it for me—I really want it,” without giving it much thought. Or she may be a complete beginner at papa-katsu who takes the sparkly papa-katsu girls on Twitter at face value and doesn’t really understand how things work. Once you buy her one thing, she may start asking for gifts over and over.
I can’t say which type she is, but if you’d like to continue seeing her for reasons other than her asking for a gift, you could continue the relationship while putting it off by giving yourself a reason to wait—something like, “Maybe for your next birthday,” or “For our one-year anniversary.”
*I wrote this a little more harshly than usual.
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Ah… I do mention things I really, really want but can’t afford myself, and say that I’m not sure what to do about it. Sorry.
But it’s definitely not like, “Please buy it for me!!” or “You’re going to buy it for me, right?” It’s more like, “I’m the kind of person who likes this sort of thing,” or talking about how I’m working hard and saving up for it.
Of course I’d be happy if someone bought it for me, but I know I’m not some especially special person who can ask for things like that on the first or second meeting, so that’s not my intention.
If she was actually asking you to buy it, maybe you gave off the impression that you might be willing to?
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What is that supposed to mean? Being told something like that out of the blue…
I don’t think you could make a request like that unless you had absolutely no romantic interest in the other person…
Basically, it sounds like she sees you as someone she doesn’t really care about. In the first place, women accept offers without necessarily being picky about their preferences, so they end up meeting someone they barely know. Did she decide that there’s no point in continuing unless you do something like that for her?!
There’s nothing wrong with offering that kind of gift yourself, but if you don’t want her asking for it right away or after only a few meetings, you need to build more of a connection—or at least make her interested enough to feel that continuing might be worthwhile. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to have an enjoyable club relationship.
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That woman probably already has five generous (well-paying) papas, and if she doesn’t go along with the gift arrangement, she’ll be dropped. Adding a sixth would only leave her more exhausted. If a date isn’t profitable, isn’t it just a waste of time?
If you offer a gift plus 1.5 times the usual allowance, you might make it into her top three. In exchange, the fifth-place papa gets cut. Up to this point, it’s simply the logic of economic competition, and no one is really at fault.
If she’s someone you absolutely want, you should go for it. But if you think you can find someone else, let her down with kind words.
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As your relationship has only just begun, 300,000 yen is obviously unreasonable.
I think you should say something like, “Please take a moment to cool your head, calm down, and think this through carefully before you say that.”
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