I had been seeing a man for a few months for dinner only (no intimacy), but over time, meeting him started to feel exhausting. So when he invited me out, I would ignore him for a while and ultimately not go, and I also started taking longer to reply to his messages, hoping he would eventually give up and move on.
However, even though it’s been more than six months since we last met, he still messages me every month—sometimes every two weeks—asking things like, “How have you been?” It’s stressful having to reply when I’m not even receiving an allowance anymore.
The reason I’m being indirect is that I work in the same industry as him, so there’s a high chance we may run into each other in the future. If I were to end things more forcefully by blocking him on LINE, for example, he might identify my workplace or make things uncomfortable for me there. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel like this man may be becoming a little fixated on me, and I’m worried.
The only ideas I can think of are taking longer to reply and being evasive no matter how many times he invites me to dinner.
I’d appreciate any suggestions for things I could say or do that would make someone stop messaging me or want to keep their distance.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Thank you for your question.
My name is Nana Yoshioka from the Kobe branch of Universe Club.
Even though it’s been over six months since you last met, he continues to message you every month—sometimes every two weeks—asking things like, “How have you been?” Since replying has become stressful for you, I know this is similar to what’s already been suggested, but I think it would be best to clearly explain why you can’t reply and then end the conversation…!
Even if you delay your replies or keep brushing him off whenever he invites you out to dinner, he seems like the type who may simply assume that you’re busy and not pick up on the hint. So I think it would be better to tell him clearly, so that he understands that he shouldn’t contact you anymore. m(__)m
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If you haven’t seen him for six months, I think it’s probably fine to stop replying by now. But just to be safe, you could send one final message like:
“I’m seeing someone now, so I can’t reply anymore. I’m sorry.”
If you’re still active with Universe, it might also be a good idea to ask the staff to hide your profile from that particular person, just in case.
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Men are generally less perceptive than women, and people who are good at their jobs can also be somewhat oblivious and positive-minded, so it may take them a while to pick up on hints.
As for why you can’t continue, tell him a reason that makes it absolutely necessary for you to quit.
If you met him through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), for example, you could say:
- “My parents found out, so I’m quitting papa-katsu.”
- “My boyfriend found out, so I can’t see you anymore.”
The key is to give him a reason he can’t argue with—something that makes it impossible for you to continue.
Why not explain it to him politely over LINE?
In fact, I’ve also been told the reasons above and ended things with them… There was also someone who said she was getting married.
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I know I’m one to talk, but I wouldn’t recommend defecating（笑）
I think it’s important to keep steadily repeating the things you mentioned: “taking longer to reply” and “deflecting whenever you’re repeatedly invited out to dinner.”
In other words, you need to help him properly move on. If he realizes there’s still something he can do in this world, he won’t pass on, so absolutely do not meet him. Gradually make the delays between replies longer and longer. Even memorial services go from the third anniversary to the seventh and then the thirteenth, with the intervals gradually increasing. Do the same here. Keep your replies as harmless and noncommittal as possible, and avoid giving the conversation anywhere to go. Once it’s been over a month, a good rule of thumb is to wait for whichever is longer: the time it takes him to send two or three more messages, or the longer interval between them. If you make it past a year, you don’t need to reply at all.
Taking proactive action can be risky. I think all you can do is remain passive, continue in a way that leaves as little impression on him as possible, and wait for him to be buried beneath the waves of forgetfulness.
Taro
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What about getting drunk and picking fights? They’ll probably stop contacting you if they think you’re too much trouble.
If you have an adult relationship (intimate), I recommend defecating during it.
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