How do you bring it up when the allowance is less than the amount you agreed on?
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I always receive it in an envelope, but I feel it would be rude to check it right then and there, so I usually thank him and put it straight into my bag.
This time, I noticed after we parted that the amount was short. Since it was only our second date, I’d appreciate advice on the best way to tell him—or whether I should say anything at all.
Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I think you should point out that it’s short without hesitation and in a matter-of-fact way, but without using harsh words. That said, you should also contact them if you receive too much. My rule is that whether the amount is too much or too little, you should always say something.
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If the allowance isn’t what you were hoping for and you’re not comfortable with it, I think it’s better to say so.
That said, if you’re willing to accept a lower amount, you could also choose not to bring it up as a way to avoid potential risks.
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Being able to talk openly about anything is also part of a good relationship, so I don’t think it’s a bad idea to bring it up early on.
It’s worth taking the chance to see whether it helps you open up to each other—or whether you remain stuck in a relationship where you’re constantly holding back and worrying about being considerate.
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Since it seems likely to happen again, check the amount on the spot next time you meet, even if you receive it in an envelope.
If the full amount is back in there, it may have simply been your papa’s mistake last time, so you don’t necessarily need to say anything. But if it’s short again, tell him that the amount is lower than agreed.
It’s one thing if you’re okay continuing despite the lower amount. But if it causes you problems, you’ll need to say something, or you may end up continuing the arrangement at the lower amount.
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Possible reasons why the amount the questioner remembers agreeing on differs from the amount they actually received include:
1. No agreement was ever finalized in the first place.
2. An agreement was reached, but the two parties had different understandings of the amount.
3. An agreement was reached, the amount actually matched, and the man paid that amount—in other words, the questioner misremembered or misunderstood.
4. An agreement was reached and the amount was clear, but the man intentionally paid a different amount. He deliberately broke the agreement.
5. An agreement was reached and the amount was clear, but the man unintentionally paid a different amount—a misunderstanding or an accidental mistake.
In case 5, the man might see it from a self-serving perspective: he could believe that he paid exactly what they agreed on, and that the questioner is later complaining that the amount was too low.
First, you need to verify whether an agreement was actually reached and whether both parties understood the amount the same way. Otherwise, it’s impossible to know the cause.
Since this probably wasn’t a written contract, is it only natural to assume it was either case 4 or case 5?
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No one can say for sure whether it’s better to bring it up or let it go.
I think you should do whatever feels right to you.
Personally, I’d say, “I’m sorry, but when I got home and checked the envelope, I noticed that the allowance wasn’t the amount we’d discussed…” Then I’d decide whether to continue seeing him based on his response.
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