I’d appreciate some advice on how to respond appropriately when negotiation tactics are used in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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I’m active in a regional city with women who would be considered Type B to C (or the equivalent outside clubs). I offer 1 for dinner. I’ve met around 30 women so far, and on three occasions, women roughly equivalent to Club Type B1 used what felt like negotiation tactics. In all three cases, this happened when we were discussing a second dinner, before we had even reached negotiations about the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate).
The first pattern was when she asked for 3 for dinner, and after I said that would be difficult, she came back with, “Then let’s meet halfway at 2.” This happened once. Since I could simply choose not to make another appointment—and did so—I didn’t dwell on it too much. If anything, I found it somewhat amusing.
The second pattern is what I’m struggling with. We agree on 1 for dinner, I make a reservation, and then right before the date she says, “Actually, would 1.5 be possible?” Is this what they call the foot-in-the-door technique…? Since we’ve already made plans, it’s difficult to refuse. Canceling the restaurant is also a hassle, and I feel psychological pressure because I don’t want her to think I’m being cheap for not being able to pay an extra 0.5 (which I admit I may be). It leaves me feeling as though I’ve been manipulated, and I really dislike that.
This has happened twice. With the first woman, I gave in to the pressure and agreed, but I couldn’t enjoy the dinner at all and had no desire to invite her again. With the second, I told her that we wouldn’t be meeting after all. Since it was true that she had kept her schedule open, I sent her an Amazon gift card worth 10,000 yen as a kind of cancellation fee and ended things there.
I considered telling her that I would still meet for 1, but since that would mean her wishes hadn’t been met, she might become displeased, making the dinner miserable for both of us. Besides, by that point I already felt there wouldn’t be a next time, so I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. That’s why I haven’t tried this approach. If it happens a third time, I may give it a try, though…
I suppose someone could say that I simply haven’t developed enough appeal to make a woman happy to have dinner with me for 1. I’ll humbly reflect on that and continue working on myself, but in situations like this, what do you think is the best way to respond?
Sorry for the long post.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I don’t understand how some men can send a woman home with just 10,000 yen for dinner when she’s taken the trouble to spend hours showering, doing her makeup, styling her hair, and getting ready to meet them.
If you want to enjoy spending time together as a relationship, then I think the allowance—whether 10,000 or 20,000 yen—should depend on how much you enjoyed yourselves.
For women, too, if it’s dinner only, the man’s feelings should be enough as long as she had a good time.
By being so fixated on amounts like 10,000 yen, I think you end up making women negotiate with you, even if it means they won’t see you again.
Whether it’s dinner or anything else, it all comes down to whether she feels she had a good time and received a reasonable allowance.
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This may overlap with what the staff have already said, but if you go on dates through Universe Club, you’re less likely to run into that kind of trouble.
At the very least, the transportation allowance for the first dinner is set at 0.5–1.0. *Though I think an additional amount would be needed if the woman is traveling a long distance for the date.*
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You interpret women’s reactions as techniques and sort them into patterns, don’t you?
It’s painfully obvious.
Human relationships aren’t about theory—they’re about emotions.
As for the allowance increase after meeting in ②, that wasn’t some negotiation tactic. It was simply the woman expressing, “There’s something I don’t like about this person.”
As long as you try to solve that with theories, I don’t think things will go well.
As for ①, she probably thought, “This person is a hassle,” while you were arranging the schedule. My guess is that you raised the hurdle before you even met.
—It’s me
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Since it’s the woman who’s trying to break the agreement in scenario 1, I don’t understand the part about it being “hard to turn her down because we’ve already made plans.” Isn’t she the one trying to go back on the agreement?
Even if you accept the changed terms, it seems likely that something similar will happen again, so I’d turn her down immediately. Even if she went back to saying, “Okay, then let’s go with option 1,” I still wouldn’t meet her.
She’s the one who created the reason to cancel, so I wouldn’t send her an Amazon gift card either.
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Once I’ve made a proposal or made up my mind, I don’t back down.
If it doesn’t work out, then so be it!
Even if it turns into hell, I think you might as well enjoy the experience as much as you can.
That said, I’ve never actually ended up in that situation myself（笑）
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Thank you for your question.
Maezawa here with an answer.
The answer is simple:
Just go on dates through Universe Club.
That’s all there is to it.
If you date a Type A woman through Universe Club, the allowance for at least the first date is set at ¥5,000–¥10,000, so there’s no need to negotiate.
Also, if she cancels at the last minute, she may be forcibly banned after just one occurrence, so I imagine the rate of last-minute cancellations is around one-tenth to one-hundredth of what you’d see on general dating forums.
If you can’t afford Universe Club’s membership fee or setup fee, then I think you should simply accept that these kinds of problems are common and handle things in whatever way works for you.
What you should do depends on the individual, so I don’t think there’s any one right answer.
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