How can I get my spending habits under control and recover from exhaustion?

Question

I found some similar questions, and I’m embarrassed to ask about such basic things, but I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m a 26-year-old woman. My income comes from my five-year job (about ¥2.9 million a year), papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) (about ¥100,000–¥150,000 a month)—I really enjoy meeting men, but I don’t get many offers—and freelance modeling/photography work (about ¥150,000 a month). The side job is more exhausting than enjoyable, although I’ve built up a lot of experience and there are fun aspects too. I expect to continue it for about another year at most. Every day, I’m overwhelmed by work and my side job, and I feel like I’m becoming emotionally unstable. My main job is far from home, and I work a full eight hours. My modeling work takes up one weekend day, but I still try to make time to see my friends and boyfriend. We’ve been dating for six months, and I like him, but he doesn’t seem to want to get married. My schedule is packed every day, so I can’t make time to meet new people—or even my current papa (a male supporter). If I take time off from my side job, my income drops and I worry that I may stop getting bookings, so I try to work as many days as possible. Maybe because I’m getting through each day while taking medication for anxiety due to how busy I am, I feel like I’ve recently become reckless with money. I feel like I can’t get through the day without treating myself. On weekdays, I eat out (about ¥2,000), buy clothes and other things online (about ¥20,000 a week), and go solo karaoke or to a hot spring about twice a week. Even though I keep adding more things to enjoy, they gradually stop helping me recover from my fatigue, and I just end up spending more on dining out, convenience foods, and entertainment so I can keep going. Fortunately, I’m not interested in hosts or playing around with men. Recently, though, I’ve started thinking that luxury brands I’d never cared about before are kind of cute… I’m scared I might be developing a shopping addiction. There are so many things I want to do, but I’m not getting enough rest and keep pushing myself too hard. I’ve reached the point where I don’t know what I should be doing tomorrow or when I’m supposed to rest. 1. How can I get my sense of money back under control? Would it be a good idea to start by checking how much I spend each month on credit cards and cash, and writing days off in my planner? 2. How do you all relieve stress? Since I don’t really separate work and private life, don’t you ever feel like you’re constantly being chased? I used to pride myself on always having plenty of energy, but lately I’ve been feeling less energetic every day, and my mood swings are exhausting me too. I’m always impressed by and respect how well everyone who answers seems to manage themselves. Sorry for the long post, and I’d really appreciate your advice.

Answer 1

How about going scuba diving to see the fish? Scuba diving lets you enjoy both relaxation and thrills at the same time. It’s also tiring, so I highly recommend it.

Answer 2

I’m an extreme penny-pincher, so unlike you, I can’t relieve stress by spending money. I’ve saved quite a bit now, and this tendency has gotten much better, but even today, when I’m exhausted from work, I still hesitate to buy a single drink from a vending machine. I can’t spend money to the point that my papa wonders if I’m being driven by some kind of compulsion. Apparently, that seems painful to him in its own way, but spending money is what stresses me out. If you could develop this mindset too, it might be a different kind of hell, but at least you’d stop overspending. I think it would be best to start by tracking your income and expenses with a budgeting app. Once you can see where your money is going, you’ll probably start wanting to make changes. It’s just like dieting. If you live this way for even a few years, you’ll save an incredible amount of money. Then things may start to feel a little easier. In short, if you believe that “having money saved would make me feel secure and free me from stress,” then I feel the only way forward is to change your mindset so that “not spending money makes me feel secure” and keep saving diligently. Sorry if this is just the opinion of a stubborn individual and not really helpful advice.

Answer 3

Just because you go karaoke or shopping doesn’t mean your fatigue will go away. Of course, soaking in a hot spring warms your body, but the temperature change can actually make you feel tired. Spending money can also gradually wear you down mentally because of the guilt. Questioner, what time do you go to bed and wake up every day? Lack of sleep makes you less sharp. I don’t know which study says this, but you need to sleep at least seven hours a day, so start by getting enough sleep. Eating out often means taking in too much salt and sugar, which throws off your nutritional balance, so try to cut back. You’ll gain weight, too… Also, since there’s less sunlight in winter, it’s easier to feel down. It’s cold, but going for a walk or a jog can help clear your head. Try doing that for about a month and see how it goes.

Answer 4

If your side job is making you feel exhausted, I think it’s okay to take a break. If you can only keep pushing yourself for about another year, even if you stop a year earlier, I don’t think it would make that much difference. Of course, if doing the side job isn’t a burden, there’s no need to take a break. But if you feel tired, I think it would be better to rest. If you put point 1 into practice, I think you’ll come to understand yourself better, so it’s worth trying.

Answer 5

This is Joe. After reading your question, you seem like a very serious person—or at least, that’s the impression I got. For now, why not give option 1 a try? And since you seem capable of viewing yourself objectively to some extent, how about starting a note account? (Are you familiar with it?) I had all five staff members on the project I’m currently involved with start using note. It’s been going well so far—we’ve gotten a better sense of each other’s interests and thoughts. It reminded me of the benefits of writing things down. I’d recommend it if you’re interested. By the way, your sense of money is definitely not unreasonable. But if it still bothers you, how about limiting dining out to 3,000 yen and cutting 5,000 yen from your clothing budget? I call it the “make a little of several delicious things” strategy. Sorry, I know that name lacks style.

Answer 6

I was just thinking: if you look at it simply, maybe it’s better not to push yourself too hard when something is exhausting. I’m busy too and work almost every day without much time off, but I don’t really find it exhausting. Even when I’m busy, I feel more fulfilled than worn out. > I’m only eating out, buying prepared food, and spending more on entertainment just to keep going. When you’re pushing yourself, rather than turning to “eating out, buying prepared food, and entertainment,” maybe it would be better to use that time and energy to let your body rest. So, when it comes to regaining your sense of money and relieving stress, I think it might help to tell yourself: “Take it easy and get plenty of rest!” “Rest up and refresh your mind and motivation!”

Answer 7

I enjoy my work, and I also enjoy spending time with women. As for the person asking the question, I think going to hot springs twice a week is an expensive hobby. If you have a papa (a male supporter) you’re close with, you could ask him to take you. That way, you can soak in the hot springs while receiving an allowance—a win-win. Otherwise, you should cut back on expenses and learn to exercise some restraint, such as reducing your hot spring visits to twice a month.

Answer 8

1. How can I get my sense of money back? I can’t answer this because I have no experience with it. Sorry. I rose from poverty and became wealthy, but my attitude toward money is hardly any different from when I was poor. I barely spend anything on myself. I just give money to my relatives and the PJ girls. Giving money to the people around me makes me happy, so that’s what I do. 2. How do you all relieve stress? Since you don’t really separate work from your personal life, don’t you always feel like you’re being chased? Being energetic used to be my strong suit, but lately I’ve been feeling less and less motivated, and my mood swings are exhausting me. This is almost as if the person asking the question has answered it themselves, but for me, daily strength training and running are the source of everything. I work all 365 days of the year without fail, but strength training and running rank “above” work in terms of priority. The more physical stamina you have, the happier your life becomes. I have an invincible, highly trained body, so my energy is limitless. I haven’t remembered what it feels like to be tired for decades. And with limitless stamina, you can never become mentally unwell. You don’t even need to get a COVID vaccine. It may be difficult for women, but I think nearly all of your problems can be solved if you manage to do strength training and running every day. The reason Carlos is still Carlos after all this time is that he doesn’t do strength training or running. Don’t go being with young women when you’ve got a flabby body. Poor things.

Answer 9

I’m honestly amazed by how busy your schedule is. And you have a boyfriend too—your time-management skills must be excellent. I don’t think your sense of money is particularly unusual. You’re not constantly splurging on designer brands, and you seem to be working for what you earn, so I think you’re fine. Everyone has their own way of relieving stress. For me, work is almost a hobby—I’ve made a career out of something I enjoy, so I don’t find it stressful. Of course, there’s a little everyday stress, but I think I deal with it by eating good food, shopping, and getting plenty of sleep. If you eat at upscale restaurants every day, it quickly becomes the norm, and you stop appreciating it or seeing it as a treat. So I usually live a fairly ordinary lifestyle. Please take care of yourself and don’t push yourself too hard.

Answer 10

I don’t think your sense of money is particularly off. It may simply be that your way of relieving stress isn’t very cost-effective. You might be better off finding a way to reset your emotions, such as by not overloading your schedule. I’ve always lived a life where I’m constantly working, so I don’t feel like I’m being chased by something. That said, everyone has a different tolerance for stress, so I think this kind of lifestyle suits some people better than others. I reset my mind by finding something I can get absorbed in at any given time and simply enjoying it.

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