A papa I used to see when I had just started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) became seriously attached to me—or more accurately, a very emotionally intense, unstable type—and it was exhausting. Since then, I’ve made a point of never letting the other person develop serious romantic feelings for me. So now, I’m able to maintain easygoing relationships with the papas I’m seeing regularly. Even when we’ve been seeing each other for a long time, they’re all people I can enjoy spending time with while keeping a comfortable amount of distance.
However, perhaps because our relationships are so casual, we usually only meet once or twice a month, with an allowance of 50,000 yen per meeting, so I rarely reach my monthly target.
Is it generally difficult to find someone who will meet me every week or offer a monthly arrangement if I keep things this casual?
This is Saito, the column writer♪
I’m not sure whether going along with a papa’s genuine romantic feelings will actually double your allowance. Some men apparently become so seriously infatuated that they stop wanting to pay an allowance at all...
There are also plenty of women receiving a substantial amount on a monthly pay-per-meeting basis.
For now, I think the most important thing is to become the kind of woman who can maintain an allowance of around 80,000 yen—even if it’s 1.5 times the usual amount.
Good luck!
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Try a little romantic push and pull—when things are right on the edge, suddenly look away or something. There are all kinds of ways to do it.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
How about taking things a little further than a casual, no-strings-attached relationship? The idea would be to stop just before he develops serious romantic feelings. That might help set me apart from other women and lead to seeing him more often.
As for how to stop things short, maybe I could regularly say slightly mood-killing things like, “But you have a wife, right?” Or establish a routine where there’s one day every week when I can never meet, making him wonder, “Does she have a boyfriend?” Would actions like that keep things from going too far…?
*What Mac said is absolutely true: “A papa who’s genuinely falling in love doesn’t often say things like ‘I like you’ or ‘You’re cute.’”*
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I generally prefer straightforward, low-maintenance arrangements.
As you said, men like that may often have arrangements with several women they see about once a month.
That said, I’m sure there are men who aren’t like that, so keep looking patiently.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I keep a comfortable distance and offer an allowance of 50,000 yen on a pay-per-meeting basis. Depending on the woman, I may see her once a week, and if I hear she needs money, I’ll sometimes give her an extra bonus of several tens of thousands of yen on top of her allowance.
I think maintaining a certain distance and how often you meet are two separate matters.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Well, an allowance is compensation for what you receive, so if you’re treating this as a transactional relationship, your papa will probably see it that way too.
Either you’re steering things in that direction, or those are simply the only papas you have left.
If you still haven’t reached your target amount, your options seem to be:
- Offer each person what they want and increase how often you meet them, or
- Find more papas.
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I want to seriously fall in love with a younger woman. I kind of want to become a total lovesick mess…
If I could just genuinely fall in love, I’d be happy with dating only one woman…
A loser guy.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here with an answer.
I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. He may simply not have enough of a sex drive to meet every week.
Perhaps his libido has settled at around having sex once or twice a month. Or, if he’s seeing multiple women, he may be having sex every week overall, but only once or twice a month with each individual woman.
Try to figure out whether he actually has a sex drive. If he seems to, you could ask, “Would you be able to meet on [date]?”
He might wonder whether you’re running short on money, but I think you can handle the rest tactfully.
That said, in the long run, I think you should focus on increasing the number of papas (male supporters) you have.
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