Whenever I post comments or photos, I become a topic of conversation in groups of male members who have contacted me before, and they reach out to me privately. This is more bothersome than dealing with women. I know that’s just how people are, but it’s still exhausting. I feel trapped, and it’s painful.

I’m Saito, a columnist and male member♪ My advice is not to worry about it. There was once a woman who made sure that any man who had ever made her an offer—even once—could no longer view her profile. However, some male members join through referrals, and they can have another man look her up for them. Before long, it becomes, “Please make sure I can’t be seen by that man, or the man who referred him, or the man who referred him…” When men contact women privately, they may feel like they’re taking a chance, gaining benefits, and growing through the experience. In reality, they often don’t realize that they aren’t making much progress at all. You could carry two phones, I suppose, but I think it’s fine to simply give your phone number to the dating club and not worry about it.

Maezawa here. I don’t personally associate with groups of male members, so I wasn’t aware of this, but that sounds like a real hassle. If you knew every member of that group, it would be possible to hide your profile from just those people, but in reality, that would be difficult. In that case, the male member rules state that members must behave like gentlemen. So perhaps you could first change your settings so that anyone who contacts you can no longer view your profile, and if they still contact you, report it to the club. They may not be forcibly removed after just one or two incidents, but that kind of behavior certainly isn’t gentlemanly. If they continue doing the same thing repeatedly, they will ultimately be expelled. Of course, they might ask why you reported them to the club right from the start… The club presumably doesn’t want to forcibly expel the man, and I’m sure you don’t want that either. Still, if this is interfering with your account, you may need to take some action. By the way, if you are threatened because you contacted the club, it could potentially constitute intimidation under Article 222 of the Penal Code. Likewise, if you are coerced into doing something, it could potentially constitute coercion under Article 223. (There was a case where someone was arrested for forcing another person to prostrate themselves.) The point isn’t necessarily to file a legal complaint, but to have the knowledge needed to discuss, on equal terms, that you want them to stop contacting you that way.