Do women dislike finding out that the man they’re seeing is dating multiple women?
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The women I like most seem to dislike it the most, and things never last. Recently, a woman I’d been seeing for almost three years found out and walked away. I also don’t want the women I see to date multiple men, so I can understand how she felt—but don’t women realize that men feel the same way?
I’m BB7.
Doesn’t the possibility of catching a disease make you feel uncomfortable?
One woman I’m seeing among several partners is also seeing a man who has multiple partners. That man is seeing another woman who has multiple partners, and that woman is seeing someone else…
When you think about it that way, everyone is connected, like brothers and sisters, and the rate of sexually transmitted infections is bound to rise.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
When I have a first meeting, I’m open about seeing multiple women, so I’ve never ended up in a situation like yours.
There are quite a few women who don’t want to date a man who’s seeing multiple partners.
Since you were seeing multiple women behind her back, it’s only natural that she’d end things once she found out.
Honestly, you come across as nothing more than a sneaky guy.
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Being open about it from the start is completely different from having it discovered after you tried to hide it. If you think she’s angry simply because you’re seeing multiple people, you should probably reconsider that assumption.
Marika
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Didn’t he tell you things like, “You’re the only one”? Your favorite girl has been doing that much for you. So if it turns out she was telling you a huge lie, I can understand why you’d feel unable to forgive her.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Questions like, “My multiple arrangements got found out,” or “They caught me lying— is that really so bad!?” feel very male to me.
If I had cards reading “It’s the woman’s fault,” “It’s your fault,” and “It can’t be helped,” I’d hold up “It’s your fault” in this case.
At the end of the day, if your lies are exposed, it’s because you’ve been careless. You’re the one giving yourself away.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
In this context, lasting three and a half years is plenty long.
Think back to the three years you spent in your early twenties. So many life events happen during that time, and your circumstances can change dramatically.
For women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), three years is a long time.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
The moment you write “women,” you’ve already missed the point.
There are all kinds of women, so trying to lump them all together is the problem.
You also need to consider whether the woman you’re seeing is someone who prefers having just one partner.
If you asked her to be exclusive with you, deliberately limited yourself to one partner, and then you were seeing multiple women anyway, you were betraying her in the first place. In that case, it’s hard to understand what you’re even complaining about.
Or perhaps she dislikes money-based relationships, so you weren’t giving her an allowance—or you had her accept a low allowance.
If the terms were that she would see only you, then that condition is perfectly reasonable. So if you were seeing multiple women, it’s only natural that she would leave.
Start by considering whether you’ve done any of those things. I think the cause will quickly become clear.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Why is it that women can’t do it, while men can claim that “that’s just how men are”?
Women may also find it unwelcome for various reasons. For example, it increases the risk of STIs, and they may have to share the man’s dating budget with other women. They might also feel irritated, wondering whether they aren’t enough for him. Or, as Osaka-san points out, they may simply be upset because they were lied to.
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