I’ve been seeing a man for about seven years on a pay-per-meeting arrangement of ¥40,000 for one night and two days. I only see him a few times a year, whenever he’s on a business trip.
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The issue is the allowance I receive. Even when we’ve stayed two nights or more, he’s never paid more than ¥40,000. When I asked whether there was anything I was doing wrong and whether he would consider increasing it, he said:
“Originally, it was ¥30,000, but I raised it to ¥40,000 because I took into account how unstable your income was at the time. I can’t see multiple people at once, so you’re the only one I’m seeing. I’m not considering anyone else, but if I were, I think I’d probably offer around ¥30,000. That’s actually how it was in the past. But to me, you’re a gift and someone very important.”
I don’t think anything will change even if I continue seeing him. I’m unsure whether I should meet him in person and properly tell him it’s over, or simply fade out. I don’t have much experience, so I’d appreciate any advice.
Maezawa from the president’s office here.
I think you should find another papa before ending things with your current one.
In the process, you may realize that your current papa is actually a good person aside from the allowance.
Once you come to that realization, the amount of the allowance may not matter as much. And if you only see him occasionally, I think it would be fine to continue seeing him as one of several papas.
Then, if you end up having several papas and find that most of them are better supporters, you could consider ending things with your current papa.
He seems to be someone who gives fairly sincere responses, so perhaps you could explain things honestly and say goodbye along these lines:
“I know I shouldn’t judge men based on their allowance, but I’d like to look for someone who offers a higher allowance. You’re kind, and I had hoped to continue seeing you, but I don’t want to pressure you. So I think I’ll end things and look for a new papa. Thank you for everything.”
Something like that, perhaps?
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I think it’s fine to just fade out.
Still, seven years is quite a history. I don’t really understand how that would lead to a difference in feelings, though. Why now, of all times? That’s what I’m curious about.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think the bottom line is that everyone has their own way of ending things.
It’s more courteous to meet in person and say goodbye, but some people feel it’s better to let the other person know via LINE or a similar app so neither of you has to spend the time.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I think it’s perfectly fine to just let things fade out.
You’re unhappy with 40,000 yen for an overnight stay, right? There’s no need to undersell yourself. That person simply doesn’t have the money, so as you’ve realized, asking for anything more probably won’t change the situation.
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You don’t feel good about seeing this person, do you?
Then I think you should just end it.
That way, you can avoid the man holding a grudge against you or pursuing you.
Even asking here will probably only leave you feeling more unsettled.
Some men will exchange messages with you through Letter Date and LINE, take advantage of your situation, never pay any allowance at all, and then quietly disappear.
In the end, it comes down to whether you feel good about it. Think about it honestly.
Akari
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You’d think the papas here would realize that overnight stays offer women not even the slightest benefit, so why do they insist on them...?
I really don’t get it.
For me, if I have an adult relationship arrangement for 10 and I’m the one asking to stay overnight, the standard is:
- 10 per night for an overnight stay with no intimacy
- 15–20 per night for an overnight stay with intimacy
The time commitment is ridiculously long, there’s the risk of being seen without makeup, and the old guy’s snoring is annoying—so an increased allowance is only natural.
There are cases where I don’t ask for an increase, but only when I’m the one who wants to stay over.
If the questioner’s adult relationship allowance is 4 and the papa is the one requesting the overnight stay, then I’d say a reasonable range is:
- 4 per night for an overnight stay with no intimacy
- 6–8 per night for an overnight stay with intimacy
No increase for an overnight stay is completely out of the question. Just like for the questioner, it’s bound to be extremely stressful.
“You know, she’s fine with it too.”
You’re the only one who thinks that.
As an aside, when a woman asks to stay over without requesting an increased allowance, that’s a genuine sign she’s fallen for you, so be careful.
—A Losing Man
P.S.
Mac is the world champion of papas. m(_ _)m
I admit defeat. m(_ _)m
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