What do you do if a papa (a male supporter) takes you to a fancy hotel dinner, gives you a gift, hands you a taxi voucher, and even sees you home, but doesn’t give you your transportation allowance?
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I met this man for the second time, and before we met, he told me on LINE that he would give me 10,000 yen for dinner, separate from the taxi fare.
He’s a fun, nice person, so I’d like to see him again. However, before getting in the taxi, I asked, “What should I do about the transportation allowance?” He apparently thought I was asking about the actual taxi fare and said, “It’s fine, it’s fine,” so I got in the taxi and went home without receiving it.
Afterward, I messaged him on LINE saying that I’d forgotten to receive the transportation allowance, and he replied, “You should’ve just told me clearly, lol.”
I feel bad that I was too considerate of him and couldn’t bring it up, but after such a lovely date, I’m not sure whether I should have simply ended the evening without mentioning the transportation allowance, or whether there was a better way to bring it up. What would you all have done?
I’m Dai, a male member.
Since this was your second date, I assume you mean you didn’t receive your allowance, rather than just transportation money.
It sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing.
Saying it was for transportation is just a convenient excuse for not communicating clearly.
And his LINE message—“You should’ve just told me directly, lol”—doesn’t sound like he feels sorry at all. The man is clearly in the wrong.
At your next date, if he doesn’t give you the allowance for the previous date upfront, I think you should leave then and there.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
You need to be firm about that. Say, “No, it’s not okay—I told you I’d give you one on top of the transportation fare, didn’t I?” It’s fine to show that you’re a little upset, too. Even if he genuinely forgot, the man is the one at fault, so I think it’s okay if things get a little awkward in that situation. It’s the man’s responsibility to smooth things over afterward.
I’ve forgotten the allowance before, too. But the moment the woman hesitantly said something like, “Um…” I remembered. I think that’s how it normally goes.
Still, it was good that you messaged him on LINE afterward. Without that, he might have misunderstood or gotten confused.
Though it does kind of smell like he knew exactly what he was doing. Actually, it really smells like he knew exactly what he was doing（笑）. If he’s someone you’d be willing to meet again, you could say, “It’s fine if you give it to me next time,” and collect both payments at your next meeting. (I’ve actually been in that situation before. I gave her both allowances properly, though.)
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