Maybe it’s because I only see women occasionally, but I have a hard time getting close to them.
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Most relationships either fade out, or, even when they continue, they feel very transactional.
I feel like we might become closer if I kept in touch regularly between dates, but I worry that messages from some old guy would just be annoying, so I limit my contact to scheduling. Since we only meet occasionally, maybe the women also feel awkward about reaching out, and our conversations basically end up being nothing more than logistical messages.
Because of work and family commitments, I can only meet about once a month (occasionally twice a month). Is it difficult to develop a deeper relationship under those circumstances?
Sometimes I feel a little empty thinking that, to them, I’m probably just an unimportant backup papa (a male supporter). ^^
I’m Nana Ayase ♡
I’m wondering if my allowance might be too low? Even a once-a-month arrangement should be sustainable if it’s in the five-figure range.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
I’m a GOLD member, and, like you, I’m a secondary papa. I also see my monthly arrangement partner about once a month.
I feel that becoming deeply involved and having things last a long time are two different matters.
At first, I struggled with transactional partners and “starfish” types too. I’m in a stable phase now. I’ve written about my journey in chronological order, from joining Fuu’s column, so feel free to use it as a reference.
- Stick to your secondary-papa strategy.
- Keep making offers until you find a good girl.
I think you can build a lasting relationship with the right person that way.
If you want to become deeply involved, it probably comes down to either a miracle encounter—or financial resources.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I see her about once a month, same as the person asking the question. I only contact her to arrange the dates.
When we meet, we catch up, have sex, and then relax over drinks and cake.
We don’t meet often, but we’ve gradually become close.
I suppose I’m a secondary papa (a male supporter), but she does occasionally contact me because she wants to see me.
Personally, I think becoming close depends more on the number of years you’ve known each other than on how often you meet each month.
Once you’ve been seeing each other for a year or so, she’ll become less guarded, and even the way she responds during intimacy will change.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I don’t know how much your pay-per-meeting allowance is, but if you meet about once a month and pay the standard amount, then as you understand, it’s only natural that you’ll be treated purely as a backup.
Most female members sign up because they need the money. If you can’t increase the frequency, your only option is to significantly raise the allowance and aim to become a “super-sub” whom she prioritizes when you ask to meet.
By the way, I’m the same when it comes to keeping contact to the bare minimum if we don’t share any particular interests.
Try looking at it the other way around. If a backup girl contacted you frequently, you’d find it annoying, wouldn’t you?
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I’m in Seattle.
I also give my partner an allowance. There’s no set amount, but I often send something when I’m feeling like it, saying, “Thanks for putting up with this old man.”
Try to take an interest in the same hobbies and meet them halfway—it might help you grow closer.
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Getting close is easy.
Set up an allowance specifically for LINE messages—around ¥30,000–¥50,000 a month.
The trick is to give her a LINE allowance but only send a moderate number of messages.
I give an allowance for SMS messages. By barely contacting her myself, it has a decent effect of making her think,
“Maybe I like this person…”
It also makes it harder for her to fade out, so I recommend it.
—Loser Man
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Unless the allowance is about 1.5 times what other papas offer, I think it’s difficult to build a relationship by meeting just once a month. The more generous the allowance, the easier it is for a woman to develop feelings for that man—though I realize how transactional that sounds. Of course, basic cleanliness and grooming are a given…
Put another way, do you really think you could meet up once a month and grow close to a woman more than 20 years older than you—say, an elderly woman?
That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with messaging women on LINE.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It’s probably hard to grow close if you only meet once a month. Why not offer a higher allowance and see if she’d be willing to stay in touch regularly?
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