I love the man I’ve been seeing for two and a half years so much

I’m Fuu, a column writer. Hmm… You both want to keep each other from seeing anyone else, even though you’re both married. That’s a tough one. The man would probably start feeling suffocated before long. How about this: could you join a dating club, see multiple people, and spread your feelings around a bit?

I’m Dai, a male member. If you’re too controlling, it could eventually lead to a breakup over something. It can take years to build trust in areas where you don’t currently feel you can trust someone. That’s why losing someone’s trust is such a serious thing. If you don’t want to break up with him, how about working together to set rules that he can also agree to—for example, limiting visits to adult entertainment venues without intercourse to twice a month? You could make it a basis for trust that neither of you has ever broken a promise you made together.

I completely understand why you feel like being possessive. It’s hard to stop yourself from liking someone. However, if this turns into an overly intense relationship, he may break things off with you. No man likes a woman who’s too clingy. One possible solution would be to join Universe Club and try papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). For example, I’m currently seeing more than ten women I met through Universe Club. Thanks to that, I’ve been able to avoid becoming too deeply attached to any one woman. I’m overwhelmingly fond of my favorite girl, but if she were the only woman I was seeing, I think I’d end up just like you, since she’s incredibly popular. However, because I’m seeing several women, I don’t feel as guilty, and when I’m with another woman, I’m able to completely forget about the girl I like most. As a result, I don’t come across as overly intense toward her. What’s more, she seems to mistake this for “the composure of a mature man” and has started chasing after me. Funny how that works. You may not like the idea of her being with other men through papa-katsu, but she gets paid for it, right? Money. Doesn’t that give you a way to justify it to yourself? You could tell yourself: “She’s only with them for the money, so it doesn’t really count as betraying me, even though I’m cheating on her.” Money can be incredibly useful, depending on how you use it. Why not put it to work for you in a situation like this? If you can use your guilt toward the man you’re cheating with to create a sort of artificial sense of composure, he may start chasing after you instead. The more you chase, the more they run—but when you pull away, they start chasing you. —A Losing Man

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Men and women think differently, so visiting sex establishments, clubs, or doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t cheating. The person you should be jealous of is his wife. Even if he speaks terribly of her and tears her to shreds, his wife may still be the person he loves most. You could also say that being capable of loving one woman for a long time gives him the confidence and freedom to be popular with other women.

I’m Taro, a male member. Even if he did visit a sex club, it would just be a bit of fun. He’s serious about you, so he’ll definitely come back. On the other hand, if that isn’t the kind of relationship you have, it’ll eventually fall apart no matter what either of you does. In that sense, monitoring his behavior essentially gets you nothing. Of course, there are people who become obsessed with sex clubs and ruin their real lives, but going about twice a month is nowhere near that level. So I can only see your anxiety as needless worry. You’re harassing your partner with all this harra-harra-harassment. Maybe eating some halal food would calm you down. Who knows, though.