My much older boyfriend gives me 150,000 yen a month. We didn’t meet through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan); he runs a small company.
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But 150,000 yen is barely enough to save anything, and it’s hard to ask him for more. That was the main reason I secretly started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
I wanted to save money and feel secure. Since I’m young, I also wanted to enjoy cosmetics, clothes, and beauty treatments without worrying about money, and be able to keep looking cute. I started on a whim, thinking it would be nice to have a little more financial breathing room.
Then I met someone who told me that if I would live in an apartment he provided, he would cover all the funding for my dream of opening a salon. On top of that, he would give me an allowance of 70,000 yen per meeting, so I wouldn’t have to worry about living expenses. He said this after we had gone on dates for several months.
It would make things much easier financially, and although he’s an old man, he’s very kind. I feel like I’ve met an ideal papa (a male supporter).
I’m torn about whether to break up with my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is fun to talk to, and he fulfills me emotionally. But because he started his own company, he has an odd sense of confidence and can be a bit of a flirt. He’s also stingy. Still, we’ve been together for a long time, so I’m attached to him.
The new man mostly wants me to listen to him talk about himself, and he doesn’t really listen deeply when I talk about myself. But he has a lot of money. He’s a true gentleman, devoted to me, and a genuinely good person.
What does it even mean to love someone?
What would you do?
I’m Dai, a male member.
Is she really being stingy when she gets ¥150,000 a month?
She’s probably become so obsessed with money that her normal emotions—like affection—have gone numb.
Also, you mentioned that he’ll provide the money to start your salon, but I think a business started with money that came so easily will quickly run into trouble.
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I’m in Seattle.
Overall, I think the first one might be better. It seems like it could last.
Ideally, I’d be able to do both, but the second one requires me to move in, so I turned it down. Why not negotiate the terms with the second one—say, you won’t live in the condo, but ask if they can lower the allowance a bit?
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I’m a male member—and a total loser.
> What does “liking someone” even mean again?
That↑ has been seriously bothering me lately. It’s almost as difficult as an ontological philosophical proposition.
What does it really mean to like someone? I’m starting to have no idea myself.
I think the ultimate happiness for a woman would be dating someone she likes while also receiving financial support. But the people who call someone their boyfriend are talking about a young P, right? A young papa (a male supporter). Maybe he’s even been promoted to a “favorite P.”
And that mysterious old man who somehow comes across as gentlemanly despite never listening to what anyone says is just a papa. Either way, they’re both papas, so why not keep them both around while looking for someone you can genuinely fall for, as the other respondents suggested?
I’ve also been thinking, “What does it actually feel like to like someone?” As a hypothesis, I’ve been increasing how often I meet an A-type girl.
Once things become an adult relationship (intimate), I can no longer tell whether I actually like the person or not. It’s obvious that my feelings for my ace are stronger as a father’s affection than as romantic feelings between a man and a woman, so what does “liking someone” in its purest form really mean? Seriously…
That’s a good question.
With the A-type girl, I just go on one date (dinner only, no intimacy) and give her 30,000–50,000 yen, so I don’t feel like I’m supporting her all that much. Even so, she’s really happy, and I can feel myself gradually getting drawn into her world. I’d like to fall for her more and more.
Apparently, there are plenty of creepy older guys who genuinely fall in love with women they meet through a dating club and become intimate with. But when I stop and think about it calmly, I find myself feeling a little envious. Being able to sleep with someone you like that much must be amazing. Of course, to the woman, they’re an unbelievably annoying presence…
What does “liking someone” really feel like? I guess if I found someone I truly liked, I’d stop seeing other women. Maybe that’s what liking someone really is? Or maybe not.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
No, first of all, that boyfriend isn’t really your boyfriend. So you don’t need to break up with him. Having two papas at the same time is fine. Because you seem to like money.
That said, I don’t recommend relying 100% on other people’s money to make your dream come true. That dream will fail. Ultimately, running a business means “working with people.” You need skills, experience, character, and guts. At the very least, you need to have the ability to stand on your own—or have a trustworthy partner who does.
You should assume that an upfront investment from someone you don’t know very well will come with expectations in return. After all, putting on a good face until you’ve deceived someone is both common sense and easy.
Even though I consider myself a bad person, people call me “a good person” simply because I put on a nice face around them. Once, a 70-year-old woman told me, “The one thing I’m good at is judging people. You’re such an upstanding person.” I almost said, “Your eyes must be completely useless.”
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You sound like you’d end up unhappy with either option.
To me, you come across as someone who complains while conveniently ignoring your own shortcomings. Can someone who shows no gratitude really become a business owner?
Also, do you have any training or qualifications in running a salon?
If you have qualifications, skills, credibility, and so on, investors will come to you—even without an adult relationship (intimate) or becoming someone’s mistress.
Why not work toward reaching that level first, and then think about it?
Akari
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This is Osaka, a male member.
Thanks for your hard work. Don’t you already have your mind made up? I’m not really sure what you’re asking, lol.
More importantly, since it seems like you’re going to keep looking for someone even better, aim higher and higher!
¥150,000 a month, ¥70,000 per meeting, and funding for your salon business… Come on, you want even more, don’t you? lol. That much was painfully obvious, so here’s my advice.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
> There are times when he doesn’t really listen to me.
You may find yourself complaining more and more that he thinks money can solve everything.
If you start running a salon together, there may come a day when the lack of communication causes everything to blow up. It might be best to keep receiving his support outside the salon as well.
> He fulfills me emotionally. But we’ve been together for a long time, so I’m attached to him.
It sounds like this may continue indefinitely. Even if you receive support from an older gentleman, perhaps there’s no need to break up…
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Maezawa from the president’s office here.
You could always decide by flipping a 10-yen coin—if it lands heads, choose this person, for example.
Actually, I feel like you might realize afterward which one you truly care about more. But if you absolutely have to choose just one, I suppose it can’t be helped.
Why can’t you date both of them? Is the other person particularly possessive?
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