I’m thinking about quitting, but I’m unsure what to do about my relationship with the papa I’ve been seeing for six months.
I’ve grown to like him quite a bit, so honestly, part of me wants to keep seeing him even without an allowance.
However, I don’t really know how he feels about me.
We seem to be physically compatible, but if I say something like, “I’d still come if you’d invite me even without an allowance,” would that just make me a convenient woman for him? Should I cut things off properly instead…?
I’m a losing male member who’s been dumped by three women after telling them there would be no allowance.
If you’re okay with being cut off, tell them you want to meet without an allowance.
To keep things balanced, I recommend something like:
- Two meetings with an allowance
- One meeting without an allowance
That way, it’s win-win.
The only women who are happy to hear there’s no allowance are the ones their papa genuinely likes as women.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
From a man’s perspective, I think many would feel lucky if you suggested meeting without an allowance.
As some of the other male respondents have mentioned, though, there are also men who don’t like the idea of no allowance. Personally, I’d rather have my allowance accepted as an allowance.
Since this is someone you’ve been seeing for a long time, I think you should simply tell him how you feel right now.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
You don’t have to overthink it. Why not just continue seeing that papa as you have been?
I have a feeling nothing good will come of it without money. Either you’ll end up being treated as a casual sex partner, or your papa will start to scare you and you’ll have to part ways.
It was a mistake to push yourself to the point where you felt like you were selling your body. Since you can say no, you should’ve simply turned down anyone you didn’t like. That’s easy to say in hindsight, though.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I feel the same way as Mac.
For the first one or two times, you feel lucky that it’s free and get caught up in the satisfaction of having a young friends-with-benefits partner and thinking, “I’m not washed up yet.” But before long, you get scared that you can’t take responsibility for the other person, and the relationship just fades away.
Personally, I also tend to lose interest once I’ve made offer after offer and gotten what I wanted.
It depends on the person, but sometimes it’s easier to maintain a relationship when you pay a reasonable allowance. So if you want to keep things going, I feel it may be safest to leave things as they are.
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I’m Osaka, one of the male members.
Allowance or no allowance, wouldn’t it be nice to know someone feels that way about you?
Even if there were no allowance, I’m sure he’d still try to do something for you in another way. Probably—or rather, definitely… though maybe I’m getting carried away thinking I’m popular? Who knows, lol. Still, the fact that you met someone who doesn’t see things in terms of gain or loss means it was a wonderful encounter.
That’s just fine.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
If it’s become painful to “sell your body” for money, I think your only options are either to cut ties with everyone, including that papa (a male supporter), or continue quietly with just him.
Without an allowance, relationships often become awkward and don’t last. And since your papa is married, trying to turn it into an affair only comes with the risk of failure. Wouldn’t it also be uncomfortable to say you don’t want an allowance anymore and have him start wondering, “What’s gotten into her?”
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I'm Flagmaker, a column writer.
Don't overthink it—why not just go on an occasional dinner-only date? Some things you won't know until the allowance stops.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
If selling your body is so painful,
do you really still feel like you have to get paid?
The real world is based on give and take, so you’re better off letting go of the idea that you’re either being exploited or exploiting someone else. You should get back to a world where you give simply because you want to give.
Even when money changes hands, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) only works because it’s built around give and take, along with unspoken understandings like not interfering in each other’s private lives. And that’s also what’s causing you to suffer.
I recommend moving away from a money-centered world and returning to one centered on human connection as soon as possible.
What’s making you suffer is “money.”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I also think that women who meet men in exchange for an allowance are just convenient women.
For now, I think you should suggest a relationship without an allowance. If she no longer likes the relationship, she can simply end it.
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I’m in Seattle.
I think it’s fine to be honest about your feelings and keep things as they are. I’m sure he’ll be happy.
If you can’t get married, you might as well accept the money.
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