Since my papa expects sex every time we meet, my desire to see him fluctuates.
I feel like I can only see him when I’m feeling up to it.
I receive a fairly generous monthly allowance, so we can meet an unlimited number of times, but even when I want to be spoiled, simply talk, or just see his face and spend time together, I end up thinking, “I can’t meet him today after all…” because I feel like we absolutely have to have sex whenever we meet.
Even with a boyfriend my own age, we don’t have sex every time we meet. Sometimes it’s enough to sit beside each other, enjoy something delicious, take a nap, or watch a movie together. Those simple moments can be fulfilling and make me happy.
But with my papa, because our relationship started out this way, we always have sex whenever we meet—even when I’m not really in the mood.
Since it’s a monthly arrangement with unlimited meetings, he’s almost like a boyfriend, but…
I still feel emotionally distant from him.
It makes me sad that even though I genuinely want to see him, those feelings somehow don’t count.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but when I’m not in the mood or I’m not feeling well, being expected to have sex every time makes me feel like he only sees me as a body, and it’s painful.
What should I do when I just want to see him, but don’t feel like I can have sex?
Since our terms involve meeting each other without limits, it’s difficult, but should I just get a boyfriend instead?
Since it’s unlimited, you have to do it regardless of whether you feel like it, right?
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Ask him to switch to a pay-per-meeting arrangement, and discuss the allowance for dates without sex, such as dinner.
Marika
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Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here, answering as well.
I think it would be best to have an honest conversation about it.
You could say something like:
“Sometimes I just want to be pampered, talk, see you, or spend time with you. When I feel that way, would it be okay if we met without sex?”
I think it’s a good idea to communicate that in advance.
That way, they may be more willing to accept it as part of your arrangement—for example, having you specify when you want to meet without sex.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I have a monthly arrangement with my papa, but I’ve never felt the way you do. I’m not sure whether your papa is just bad at picking up on hints or whether you’re not being assertive enough.
For now, I think the problem may be that you don’t feel loved or valued by him. That’s why it’s so hard. This isn’t really a boyfriend-type relationship or anything like that, so you’ll have to treat it as being “just” about the money and stick with it. If you can’t do that, I think it would be best to end the monthly arrangement.
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I’m a male member named Osaka.
So, the questioner’s feelings about accepting an unlimited monthly arrangement weren’t taken into account, and things ended up going in a bad direction.
They may be willing to work things out through discussion, but you need to calmly accept the facts and think about how to improve the situation. After all, people’s actions reflect their true feelings.
If the papa (male supporter) is simply too into the questioner and that’s why things ended up this way, might the questioner’s feelings change as well? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using this misunderstanding as an opportunity to consider how to improve things.
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I’m a male member, and honestly, I’m the one who got the short end of the stick.
With my monthly arrangement, I set a maximum number of adult meetings per month, and I always keep the actual number below that limit. I still pay even if there are zero adult meetings.
That’s the basic rule for a monthly arrangement.
That said, the person asking the question unfortunately lost the negotiation by being swayed by the large amount of money and agreeing to unlimited meetings. All you can do now is renegotiate little by little.
Suddenly imposing a limit would violate the terms of the arrangement and increase the risk of being dropped, so try to work your way back gradually.
I’m rooting for you!
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I know exactly what you mean. Having sex every single time makes the whole progression feel really unnatural.
The dinner-to-hotel routine is straightforward and works well, but when you add another kind of date, I find myself thinking, “Wouldn’t it be unnatural to head to a hotel from here?”
That said, handing over the allowance is basically the signal that the date is over. From the woman’s perspective, it’s actually pretty easy to understand.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
A monthly arrangement with a set number of meetings is basically just a lump-sum payment. Even without any ill intent, things like this happen all the time, so I don’t do monthly arrangements.
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I'm Kazu, a male member.
I think it's a mistake to agree to a monthly arrangement without deciding how often you'll meet.
If you don't feel up to it, you shouldn't have to be someone's sex partner. I'd suggest explaining that and either setting a maximum number of meetings or switching to a pay-per-meeting arrangement.
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It’s a difficult decision, isn’t it?
Still, I think it might be okay to be honest and tell him that, because you care about him, you’d also like to spend ordinary, everyday time together.
That said, there’s a chance—just a chance—that he may respond with something like, “If we’re not going to do that, there’s no point in meeting.” I can’t say for sure, since it depends on your relationship, but if he does say that, you might want to accept things for what they are and find a boyfriend who can fulfill you emotionally.
I really do understand how you feel. Being told “I want it, I want it” every time you meet gets exhausting…
Akari
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
I think it’s best to be upfront about it sooner rather than later.
> Just sitting beside each other, enjoying good food, taking naps, watching movies—those kinds of moments make me feel fulfilled and happy.
I hope you’re able to build that kind of relationship.
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