I still can’t get used to that distinctive atmosphere when a man I’m seeing has decided he’s done with a woman.
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Since this is a dating club, I know that parting ways is inevitable, and that I’m constantly being compared with other women.
Somehow, I can always tell the moment when I think, “Ah, this person is going to cut me off. This is the last time,” and I’m right every time.
They’re always kind as usual when we part after dinner or after going to a hotel, but somehow they also seem cold—or rather, as if they’re not emotionally invested at all...
What do men think at times like that? Do they just want to get through the situation as quickly as possible and go home?
Also, when a man asks me, “This time, I’d like to go to a restaurant you choose,” it often ends up being our last date. Why is that?
So far, I’ve parted ways with three men after the same pattern: dinner → hotel → parting ways → naturally losing touch because he’s “busy with work,” lol.
Does it mean something like, “You’re not worth the effort of choosing a restaurant for anymore, so just pick somewhere appropriate for you yourself”...?
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
That sounds kind of heartbreaking.
I wish he hadn’t left the restaurant choice up to you at the end. I’ve never left that decision to someone else.
Maybe, sensing that it was their last time together, he wanted to treat her to whatever she liked as a thank-you? I wonder if that was his intention.
For me, I usually meet someone about three times before deciding whether to continue. If we do continue, the usual pattern is that the woman eventually ends things with me.
I’m used to it by now, so whenever someone says goodbye, I start making tons of offers to find someone even better.
You should move on to the next one too!
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I’m a male member in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I’m definitely the loser here.
Next week, I’ll be meeting a girl from my monthly arrangement in a hotel room, even though I’ve been losing the desire to see her.
I have a feeling it’ll probably be our last date. She’ll probably cry...
I think she has a vague idea that it’ll be our last date too.
She’s by far the most beautiful among the girls I’m keeping in touch with. Her looks are even better than my “ace,” and she’s the kind of stunning beauty everyone turns to look at. But our chemistry at night is terrible, and our conversations never really get going, so we both know that neither of us is enjoying our time together.
Saying goodbye is always genuinely painful.
*We met outside the dating club.
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I’m Saito, a columnist♪
After reading your question, I found myself thinking about it in many different ways.
I’m not sure what kind of advice I can offer, but when I feel like I’m about to be cut off, I think it might be best to spend that time being completely yourself and doing whatever you want.
In my case, the most painful kind of time is time where I learn nothing. If all we’re going to do is quietly eat, put it in a hole, and call it a night, then I find going to a sex worker more interesting.
I sometimes talk with women in the sex industry, and we joke—in a good way—that “amateurs are the most difficult.” There’s something really interesting about the lives of non-professional women, too. It’s not as if a beautiful woman can go a whole month without anything happening.
I’m also tired of the really good restaurants. I always ask my credit card company’s concierge to recommend places that people have mixed opinions about. I’m completely worn out by restaurants where anything can be produced if you pay enough, or where they serve dishes with an air of self-importance.
As for the kind of women I tend to keep seeing, it may be women who are highly curious and can enjoy and accurately analyze any restaurant. Having someone say “Oh, how lovely!” for four hours at a place like Robuchon gets tiresome.
Maybe I’m just impatient, but I’d be grateful if you would take this as one person’s opinion.
> “This time, I’d like to go somewhere you choose for dinner.” When I’m asked that, the date often ends up being our last one. Why is that?
Since it’s a kind gesture, I think you should go all out and take her wherever you want to go.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’ve never gone on a date thinking, “This will be our last one,” so I realized some people make their decision at that point.
Like Mac, I usually decide when I receive an invitation via LINE. If I don’t particularly want to meet, I don’t even open the message or reply.
P.S.
I think the difference between people who go on a date thinking, “This will be our last one,” and those who don’t is whether they’re willing to try going on one more date even after they’ve lost interest.
I suppose most people are the type to give it one more date. Maybe because they’re no longer feeling it, they also start finding it a hassle to choose a restaurant.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this too.
Hmm, I’m not quite sure why being told, “This time, I’d like to go to a restaurant you choose,” means it’s over.
It may simply be that you happened to meet several men in a row who found someone they were more interested in than you.
Perhaps they don’t see anything wrong with you, but they also don’t feel strongly enough to fall for you.
It’s also possible that they enjoy going on dates with you but aren’t entirely satisfied with the intimate side of things.
So even though they think, “She’s a good person,” men who also want to enjoy that side of the relationship may decide to end things and take you to one of your favorite places as a final gesture.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
So there really is such a thing as a “last date,” huh?
All I can think of is being left on read, blocked, and deleted on LINE…
If the questioner is about to be told goodbye, maybe the man might reconsider if she steps up her game just a little more—how she responds during intimate moments, the atmosphere when they’re talking, her smile, and so on. But I guess only men can really say.
☆Taro
I was surprised to hear that some women seem completely passive, but after trying various toys with one, it turned out she was the real deal—a total “bluefin tuna.” Interesting!
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I’d say the breakup usually happens after you’ve met at least five times. It may be more common for the man to end things.
To be completely honest, based on my own experience, it’s more like, “I guess this has run its course.” Things have continued for a decent amount of time, so it’s not bad, but it’s not great either. I start feeling that I’d probably be better off seeing someone else. I don’t have any hard feelings toward the woman, so I still treat her respectfully, but maybe she could sense that I was thinking there wouldn’t be a next time.
By the way, when someone tries something different on the final date, I think it may be because they feel things could change if the other person responds well. In that sense, in the questioner’s case, there might be something to work on in how she behaves during dinner.
I once tried all sorts of toys and aphrodisiac-type things with a lovely but completely unresponsive woman, yet she remained totally unresponsive, so I ended things. In the Ikariya Chosuke sense of “This is hopeless”—cha-cha-ra-cha-cha♪.
I am grateful to women, indeed (in mock-archaic grammar).
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I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane.
> Since this is a dating club, I understand that parting ways is inevitable, and that I’m always being compared with various other women.
That may be true, but if you think that way, I feel you may end up steering things toward that outcome through the atmosphere you create when you’re together.
Devoted men are likely to be drawn to devoted women, so it might help to believe that “there are devoted men out there, too.”
Also, if you’re not particularly interested in food, I think it’s perfectly fine to decline to choose a restaurant by saying you’re not good at finding places yourself.
And when he says,
> “This time, I’d like to go somewhere you choose for dinner,”
it’s possible that he feels your usual meals together aren’t all that enjoyable or that you don’t seem particularly happy.
Expressing your emotions openly and showing a wide range of facial expressions in your everyday interactions is part of what makes a woman attractive, too.
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