I’m a male member. I’ve met a woman more than ten times and we’ve been in an adult relationship (intimate). Lately, as she’s become more comfortable with me, I’ve found myself increasingly bothered by the things she says and the way she behaves. I’ve also been giving her a higher allowance than my other partners, so I’d like to end things, but since I’ve accepted everything up to now, I feel it would be difficult to tell her how I really feel and say goodbye.
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Other than suddenly blocking her on LINE or leaving her messages on read or unread, is there a good reason or excuse I could give for ending things smoothly?
I realize this is very self-centered of me, but I’d like her to accept that it’s over without hurting her as much as possible. Thank you.
I’m BB7.
You can be honest and tell her, “I don’t like you,” but if you say something like, “Let’s date without an allowance,” she’ll probably fade out on her own.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
This may sound selfish, but let’s be honest: it’s probably impossible to end things without hurting the other person as much as possible.
You can simply tell her:
“I’ve gotten comfortable with you, but lately, some of your behavior has been bothering me, so I think we should part ways.”
Or:
“I’ve started feeling that the allowance I’m paying is higher than what feels appropriate compared with other women, so I think we should end things.”
Goodbyes come eventually. There’s nothing you can do about that.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I’ve been in a similar situation myself. If you keep putting off the next meeting, the other person will either get the hint or, out of necessity, move on to someone else. That way, things can naturally fizzle out without you having to say anything.
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I’m Column Writer Flag Maker.
It’s a clever move, but how about saying:
“Now that we’ve gotten this close, don’t you think there’s no need for an allowance anymore? I know you feel guilty about it, so I think we should stop the allowance. Anyway, when’s our next date?”
You wouldn’t hurt her feelings, and I think she’d give up. In a way, it seems like you could end things smoothly.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
Unlike many of you, I try to keep the relationship going. If I feel the arrangement is too expensive, I’ll reduce the allowance to an amount that can be sustained（笑）
If she turns down the relationship, I think it’s fine to end the arrangement.
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When I let my former favorite go for a similar reason, I told her the reason plainly.
I did add that we could get back together if she changed her ways, though.
If it’s someone I’m keeping around who isn’t my favorite, I might end things vaguely and leave it at that. But when it comes to my favorite, it’s different.
Thinking about her future, I felt it was better to have an honest conversation, so I hardened my heart and told her properly.
Familiarity can be a dangerous thing, and I also realized that giving her too much allowance wasn’t good for either of us.
I have a lot to reflect on, too.
—A defeated man
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I suppose familiarity has started to set in—or rather, he’s become too comfortable.
If you’ve only been seeing him around ten times, I think it’s fine to gradually fade out by repeatedly saying, “Work has been so busy that I haven’t been able to meet up.” If he keeps contacting you, you could tell him, “There’s actually something that’s been bothering me…” But I don’t think he’ll contact you that persistently.
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