I’m not satisfied with him treating the trip like it was my birthday present. During a birthday trip for my 20th, I drunkenly asked my relatively young papa, whom I speak to casually, “So, what’s my birthday present?” He said he hadn’t thought about it.
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Later, he told me that he had spent nearly 100,000 yen on the trip. To be fair, he took me out for meals and celebrated with me. We also went to a play that I had said I wanted to see.
I think, from his perspective, he wants to say that all of this was my birthday present.
I’m kind of hurt. If we were around the same age, maybe I could understand, but a trip alone as a birthday present...? Also, this wasn’t a trip I had asked for—it was his idea. If that was all it was going to be, I didn’t need to go at all; I would have rather gone by myself. We even took unreserved seats on the bullet train, and used JR trains and the subway for all our transportation at the destination. He did pay for the bullet train, but I covered my own transportation costs once we got there.
I don’t understand why he acts like, “You were happy to get to travel with me, right?” I keep thinking, we’re not lovers the same age. I only went because he said he wanted to take a trip.
We’ve been seeing each other for about a year, and I thought we were extremely close. Does that mean he assumes I should be happy just because I got to travel with him?
I’m a BB7.
My current regular companion gets incredibly excited about traveling with me, doesn’t ask for anything beyond that, and never complains.
It really made me feel grateful that I’m with her.
Thank you so much.
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I’m in Seattle.
Since he’s around 30, he’s probably a papa (a male supporter) who’s living paycheck to paycheck. You have two choices: settle for him or look for a wealthy older man.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I was treated incredibly well, and it turned into such a fun birthday celebration! I’m so happy ♡ I almost want to share this happiness with everyone.
I started imagining just how deep the gap must have been for the questioner to send me such a glowing review. What if I’d given her a gift? What if I’d covered at least some of her transportation costs? No, maybe I needed to go even further and surprise her somehow…
But even then, maybe she still would’ve had some complaints. Maybe I needed to grow taller and become more handsome. Wait, doesn’t that mean I’m just not good enough? LOL
A papa is a sad creature.
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I’m Joe, a male member.
As for whether he’ll answer your question or not, I think he will. You may not have known this because you’re young, but many of the men registered here are pretty simple-minded—and prone to daydreaming.
Once you understand that, decide how you want to deal with them. Rather than focusing on whether they’re wrong or you’re right, I think it’s important to understand them first.
I’d like to leave you with these words from Saint Shinran:
“If young papa-katsu women are regarded as lovers, how much more so old papas!”
I hope that on your next trip, at the very least, your non-reserved seat becomes a Green Car seat—and your train becomes a taxi.
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I generally don’t travel unless the woman wants to, and seeing this question has only reinforced that conviction.
As for birthday presents, I give cash to my monthly arrangement partners other than my ace. I usually give the equivalent of three adult relationship meetings, so around ¥400,000–¥500,000.
Presents require some taste, so I give cash instead. It saves me the trouble of having to think about it.
I’ve never once seen a girl disappointed by cash.
A loser of a man
P.S. Just to be clear, I work myself to the bone. Don’t lump me in with people who sleep more than six hours every day and always have their weekends off. If you don’t work, you shouldn’t be a papa!!
*I was imitating “Flag Maker” and getting sentimental.*
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Aren’t you the one who needs to set the boundaries?
I understand that you were hurt, but was there an allowance for the trip?
If there was, I think it would be okay to start by feeling grateful.
Also, in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I feel that being upset—as if even paying a small amount for transportation is unreasonable—is a little off.
Since your papa (a male supporter) was happy to celebrate your birthday together, it seems you’ll need to make sure your expectations and opinions are aligned going forward.
Akari
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
A lot happened yesterday, so I’m feeling a little sentimental today.
When it comes to responding politely as a papa, the right answer is obvious and easy. That’s how I usually handle things, but today, this whole “of course I’m entitled to receive it” attitude is getting on my nerves.
She told me yesterday through tears, “You have a wife and children, and that money is meant for your family too. I can’t accept support from the money you work so hard to earn. I feel far too guilty.”
Even though she’s actually struggling financially.
So today, I’m not really in the mood to deal with papa-katsu girls. Maybe they could show a little gratitude for what they usually take for granted.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here with an answer as well.
> He thinks we’re extremely close. Does that mean he assumes I’d be happy just to travel with him?
If he thinks you’re extremely close, he probably sees you as being almost like a romantic partner.
In that case, the trip ends up being treated as a gift, and I believe there have been several questions here from women saying they didn’t receive an allowance.
Men tend to jump to conclusions, so I think you need to communicate things fairly clearly.
The annoying part is that when you bring this up, men are quick to say that you’re too focused on money and that they don’t like it.
Still, it might be best to learn how to control the situation skillfully—while also making him feel good about himself.
In this case, for example, if you were in the stronger position, you might have been able to say:
“Are you seriously not getting me a gift? I’m not seeing you again until you buy me [〇〇]. Humph!”
If you weren’t in the stronger position, the relationship might simply end there. But if you have the upper hand, he’ll probably come back later with a gift and say, “Please don’t be upset anymore.”
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> I’ve been seeing my papa for about a year, and I think we’re really close. Does that mean he’d think, “You’d be happy to travel with me, right?”
You two are close, and it sounds like you enjoyed a play on the trip and celebrated something together, so I’m sure your papa was thrilled and very satisfied.
You can think of this year’s birthday celebration as being about an experience rather than a gift. Maybe save the gift for next year…
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