My papa’s chopstick grip is always so bizarre that I said, “Your chopstick technique is pretty unusual! Can you pick up small things with them? Try picking up that bean!” He managed it at the time, but since his grip is usually awkward, I’d often seen him drop things.
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He’s a grown adult who presumably uses chopsticks every day in a Japanese food culture, so why hasn’t he corrected it? In fact, my papa didn’t even realize that the way he held his chopsticks was unusual.
How would you feel if a woman more than 10 years younger than you pointed out the way you hold your chopsticks?
Personally, I’d be pretty upset if someone pointed out a flaw in my manners.
I’m Joe, a male member.
An entrepreneur I recently met and deeply respect boasts that “you can tell whether someone was well brought up by the way they hold their chopsticks.” Joe was supposed to be a “good-family boy,” but his chopstick skills were terrible.
Nana-hime was the first to point it out. She took me to Tokyu Hands and made me buy a pair of training chopsticks. The best part of correcting my grip was when that entrepreneur complimented me, saying, “You hold your chopsticks beautifully.”
Please take your father to Hands as well.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
I’m not sure whether someone can correct the way they hold chopsticks once they’re already an adult, but if they haven’t noticed it themselves, I feel it would be kinder to let them know.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Even if a young girl more than a decade younger than me said something rude, I don’t think I’d feel much of anything over something that minor.
You must be quite confident in your manners.
As you get older and gain a certain status, fewer people point things out to you, so perhaps it felt refreshing in a way.
Well, I’m glad you were able to feel superior over something as trivial as table manners.
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If it bothers you, I think it’s okay to say something,
but without kindness and consideration, it will just come across as a snide remark or an insult.
Akari
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I’m in Seattle.
I’m not particularly prideful, so no matter what a cute young lady tells me, I’ll be happy to hear it and fix my behavior.
It probably comes down to how you phrase it. If you can point it out in a cheerful, fun way with zero snark, it should go over well.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’m not sure. I do care when others point things out to me, and I try to correct anything that needs fixing.
However, to be frank, the way you treat your papa (a male supporter) is wrong. It shows no consideration.
If someone pointed this out to you, would you be able to change your behavior?
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I’m Taro, a male member.
People have flaws, not just when it comes to manners. Pointing them out can be tactless, but if you’re close enough, it may help the person realize something about themselves. By “close,” I mean that the person’s sense of psychological safety remains intact even after being given the feedback. I don’t think negative feedback works unless it comes together with “I care about you.”
You were kind of looking down on that man, weren’t you? He probably picked up on that, and I think it hurt him. A seasoned older guy wouldn’t be crushed by something like that, but there’s no question it’s a negative when it comes to building a healthy relationship.
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