I’ve met around 50 papas and finally met one who truly captured my heart.
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I can’t really explain it, but I felt genuinely happy to have finally met someone I could truly trust—not someone who was only kind on the surface.
I’ve never been able to open my heart to anyone or develop a deep relationship with a papa. But with this person, I wanted to trust him and become closer, so I sent him a photo on LINE of my most precious child. He was the first papa I had ever shown my child to. I’m a single mother.
He seemed very happy (at least, I think he was), and for a while we continued having wonderful conversations on LINE.
However, when I sent him several possible dates for our next meeting, he said that none of them would work. He did say something like, “We both want to see each other,” but his actions didn’t match his words. He didn’t suggest any other dates, and I was tired of either sending more dates only to be gently turned down or constantly trying to make things work, so I blocked and deleted him.
After doing that, I realized just how deeply I had fallen for him. I feel pathetic, and even now, four months later, I’m still struggling.
I’ve met new people during these four months, but I can’t forget his kindness and haven’t been able to move on at all. I understand from experience that time will eventually heal me, but this moment is just too painful.
I know I’m far too old to be acting like this, but I’d really appreciate advice from those of you with more experience in papa-katsu. I’m somehow managing to continue with papa-katsu.
I’m a male member and a bit of a loser.
I don’t think there’s any way to get over heartbreak other than the method Marika-san mentioned.
To avoid getting my heart broken, I’m trying to spread my affection around. I have one absolute favorite, but so I don’t fall too hard for her, I keep a few others around: the girl I like second best, third best, fourth best, and so on.
There’s one woman who might earn the right to challenge my ace, so next week I’m planning to go on a date with her and then see my ace right afterward.
Heartbreak is painful. I’m almost at the age where I’ll need a cane, so if I got my heart broken at my age, I might just cross the Sanzu River then and there...
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
Rather than focusing on what someone says or how they present themselves, look at their actions and the results.
This person didn’t make any effort to arrange a date and kept dodging the issue while creating distance.
Their kindness and charm were only superficial. In reality, they weren’t kind to you.
I hope you meet someone genuinely kind next time.
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I’m Joe, a male member.
This may not be anything new, but Mac’s recent answers have been especially sharp. Once again, I found myself nodding along enthusiastically. “Deifying yourself” and “working with your hands”—those really are classic approaches.
I probably don’t need to add anything, but I can’t help myself, so here’s one suggestion from Joe: how about studying a foreign language? I’ve been learning English from an Indonesian international student for the past six months. Perhaps because I’m only studying English out of necessity, I haven’t improved very much, but my Indonesian has gotten better.
For Japanese people, Indonesian seems like a relatively easy language.
The other day, I took on the “mission” of playing badminton using only Indonesian. I completed it successfully. That said, she plays at a national-team level, so I got completely crushed in the game.
I hope peace of mind comes to you soon.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Maybe it’s a generational thing with social media, but why send it on LINE instead of showing it in person?
If you show it directly, you can see their reaction, and there’s no digital record left behind…
I think the best way to recover is to spend more time with your precious children.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
You know, you probably haven’t mourned the relationship enough yet.
In Buddhist memorial practices, mourning starts with the seventh-day service and continues through the 49th day, the first anniversary, the third anniversary, and so on for around 30 years. That’s for family members, of course, but if you loved someone enough to consider them family, you probably need a similar process.
Rather than trying to forget, it may help to keep thinking about it. I went through something similar last year. I took a long-distance drive to try to forget her, but I thought about her the entire way. Still, after replaying our conversations over and over and mentally running through all the different ways I could have handled things better, I eventually felt somewhat at peace with it.
About six months later, on her birthday, I sent her a congratulatory LINE message, and she replied. Two or three days later, I sent another message asking if she’d like to meet up after such a long time. I think by then I had already worked through my feelings enough that I wasn’t really attached anymore—it was more like, “Maybe, if there’s still a chance.” She never replied, and I was able to move on without feeling particularly bothered by it.
So, that’s one way of dealing with things: keep letting the resentment and lingering feelings inside you out until you’ve processed them.
You still have plenty of wonderful experiences ahead of you. I hope you’ll cherish what you learned from this past relationship while also finding a way to open yourself up to new opportunities before long.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
Yeah, I get it. I’d almost want to have a drink with you and cheer you up. In return, if I ever end up in that situation, have a drink with me too lol.
After meeting 50 people, this is someone who really made an impression on you, so I’m not going to say something insensitive like it was just your imagination. They must have been a genuinely special person who moved you. It is what it is.
Rather than putting on a cool, detached, professional act, I actually prefer people who show their heartbreak, and I hope things work out for you. The sun will rise again.
For now, have some grape-flavored Chamisul, watch some comedy, and get some sleep. Or maybe watch a really heartfelt movie.
Scent of a Woman
Good Will Hunting
The Cider House Rules
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Have you seen all of these? If not, why not give one a try? lol
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