Are there really so few men who won’t be put off by a woman’s less-than-sweet side and can still enjoy seeing her?
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I’m often told this by my papas, but I’m extremely blunt and straightforward, with a personality more like a guy’s. I’m a 20-year-old college student, but I’m strong-willed too, so even with papas two or three decades older than me, I freely speak my mind and can be pretty assertive.
Until now, I’d always written in my club profile comments, “I don’t want a transactional relationship—I want you to genuinely engage with me.” But that just made one misunderstanding after another. Tons of men came expecting something like a real romantic relationship.
I’m not the type to fixate on one man, and I consider seeing multiple people perfectly normal, so I’m completely incompatible with those men. My goal is to enjoy a fun, stress-free arrangement while receiving an allowance—not to play lovey-dovey girlfriend with men two or three decades older than me.
That’s why I could never date someone who was genuinely in love with me, and I’ve never been able to make it work. I tried for three months, but he proposed to me, and I started thinking, “Why should a beautiful, young college student like me be the girlfriend of an unattractive older man who can’t even get married?” I lost interest and broke up with him.
The only papas I’m still seeing now are the type who are fine with multiple relationships and even say, “Tell me about your other papas!” Those men tend to be more generous (well-paying), too. They’ll also listen to me complain about my other papas, like, “Why does he think he can see me without giving me any money?” So it’s completely stress-free. Are there many men like this at clubs?
I’ve already left the club, and while I was registered, almost all I met were men who got genuinely attached to me...
If there are lots of men like this, I’d love to meet plenty of them.
Universe Club Customer Success representative Karasaki here as well.
This isn’t limited to papa-katsu, but isn’t it difficult to have fun seeing someone who doesn’t have a good personality? In papa-katsu, even more so, wouldn’t you simply decide to look for another girl with a better personality?
If you don’t want a transactional relationship but also don’t want genuine romantic feelings, then what kind of relationship would be ideal? If you’re not looking to play at being a lovey-dovey couple, wouldn’t that essentially be a transactional relationship?
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I’m also the type who’s fine with seeing multiple people and enjoys hearing about other papas, but I’m a low-paying papa (laughs)—about ¥50,000 per pay-per-meeting arrangement, once a month.
Even a woman I’ve met fairly often and get along well with has told me that I come across as too transactional.
I’d like to enjoy intimacy in a fun, almost sporty way.
I love having delicious meals, and I also enjoy eating cake while drinking good sake at a hotel.
I imagine there are quite a few other men like that, too.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I’d love to hear your story about developing genuine feelings for your papa. I’m looking for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) stories like that. The best papa-katsu story will win a ¥10,000 Amazon gift card.
【Announcement】
“Flagmaker and President Kida’s All-Night Universe”
https://universe-club.jp/column/all_night_universe
We’re accepting questions about papa-katsu and personal papa-katsu stories through the contact address below.
Contact: flagmaker＠universe-club.jp
※Submissions are open until midnight on Sunday, November 14.
※Please email the address above with the following information:
① Pen name
② Name of the category you’re entering (Papa-Katsu Questions or P-1 Grand Prix)
③ Your submission (your concern, question, or fortune-telling request, or the details of your papa-katsu story)
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Lately, so many questions submitted to the Q&A box are along the lines of, “I’m a young woman, so every man should bow down to me,” that I don’t even know how to respond.
I’m in my 20s too, but I’ll get older someday. I’d like to develop myself beyond just my appearance and enjoy dating wealthy men, but are there really only awful papas in today’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) market—so much so that it makes you feel otherwise?
Regarding your question:
>He listens to me vent about my papa too—like, “Why does he think he can be with me without giving me any money?”—so it’s completely stress-free. Are there many men like this at clubs?
There are plenty of men like that. Why not try registering again?
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
I often see women in their early twenties who say, “I’m pretty straightforward, so I just say whatever I’m thinking!” start earning less once they get to around 25, as their perceived value begins to decline, and then gravitate toward men in shady but well-paying professions.
They start out being invited with something like, “Bring your friends to the club’s VIP section!” Then they gradually get pulled into even shadier situations, run into trouble, and end up losing their friends too. That’s just based on a small sample size, of course.
Being “straightforward and able to say whatever you want without consequences” only works because you’re a young woman with high romantic value, while the men involved aren’t popular with women. It means that even if you make the other person uncomfortable, they won’t walk away.
In reality, it’s highly unlikely that this is because of any appeal you have beyond your youth.
Once you reach a certain age, the same method stops working. Of course, there are people who are genuinely blunt and outspoken because of their intelligence or charisma rather than their youth—but those people are usually successful in business.
Please be careful not to end up among those who learn this the hard way.
>> Are there really so few men who can overlook a woman’s less-than-nice personality and still enjoy dating her?
There are some when you’re young, but eventually, they disappear.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
Anyway, I agree with the other respondents that the wording could have been better. I do think there are men who want what you’re looking for, so maybe it would be best to narrow things down and target that segment.
That said, it’s a little hard to put into words, but lately I’ve been feeling like I don’t really understand the term “gachi-koi” anymore. Something about it feels off.
When the hands of a clock make one full revolution, they return to the same position—but somehow it feels like they’re not the same anymore lol.
I understand your preferences, so I’m sure someone could adapt to them. But whether that would actually be interesting is another matter. It also makes me wonder: what exactly is a transactional relationship supposed to be?
It feels kind of dry, or shallow—or maybe I’m wondering whether it’s really enjoyable when there’s no underlying tension or contradiction.
I’m probably overthinking it, but I assume you have your own hidden sides and appeal too, so in reality it probably is enjoyable lol.
Ah, I don’t get it! I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore lol.
Still, I can’t really laugh at men who genuinely fall in love with someone of the same sex, and I do feel that the fact that it can be enjoyable in a certain way may be exactly the point. Maybe it’s more profound than I thought.
Ah, you don’t have to read this part lol.
P.S.
Shingori-san, exactly! lol That’s one of the things that feels off.
You’re incredibly good at putting things into words. What are you, anyway? lol
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I’m columnist Fuu.
Writing, “I hate transactional relationships—I want you to genuinely face me and get to know me,” was a mistake, wasn’t it? You’re basically inviting a papa who falls seriously in love（笑）
In my case, multiple relationships are fine, and we only message to arrange dates, but I want us to have an intimate time together in private. Things won’t continue if he treats intimacy as purely transactional or isn’t motivated, but if he makes an effort when we’re alone, I actually feel less stressed when things stay relatively transactional outside of that.
This is just my personal impression, but here’s how I imagine the distribution of papas（笑）
1%: Miraculously wealthy papas who could change your life
19%: Stress-free papas like the respondent and Fuu
↑ I’m including myself（笑）
80%: Papas who are troublesome in some way
Of course, that 80% probably includes some papas whom certain women would be fine with and could tolerate. This is just Fuu’s personal impression, though.
If you receive five offers, maybe one of them will be from a good, stress-free papa.
Turn down the papas you don’t like, and cherish the good ones when you meet them.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
> Are there really so few men who can enjoy dating a woman even after seeing that she has some less-than-great aspects to her personality, without being put off?
I think it would probably be difficult even for a boyfriend around her age to enjoy dating a woman with a bad personality.
Does she perhaps have enough beauty to make up for her unpleasant personality?
> I’ve always written in my club profile comments, “I don’t want a transactional relationship. I want you to genuinely engage with me,” but that only seemed to attract men who misunderstood me.
I don’t think it’s a matter of misunderstanding. From that wording, all I can conclude is that what you want is nothing other than a genuine romantic relationship.
First, I think you should use clear, proper Japanese to describe the kind of partner you’re looking for.
The man you’re looking for is probably someone who is okay with seeing multiple partners, offers a generous allowance, and is also fun to talk to.
You should simply write that.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I’m not making any offers at the moment, but I’m open to receiving offers from women.
> If all men were like this, I’d want to meet lots of them.
I think there are quite a few men like that, though...
papa-katsu is supposed to be stress-free for men, so I think both sides can enjoy it.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
First of all, based on your question, I didn’t think you seemed particularly unpleasant.
You mentioned writing, “I don’t want a transactional relationship. I want you to genuinely engage with me,” but I think that wording could easily cause misunderstandings. In fact, it sounds like you received a lot of offers from men who misunderstood you.
What you’re looking for seems to be a transactional relationship involving multiple partners and an allowance. You probably used “transactional relationship” with a different meaning in mind, but compensated dating involving an allowance can also be considered transactional.
From what I’ve seen of the other respondents, I think there are quite a few male members who are fine with multiple partners.
Why not register again and be more careful with your profile comments this time?
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