The other day, during a casual conversation with my favorite girl, I found out that she’s been seeing another man regularly. From what she told me, it sounds like she’s even gone on several trips with him, so they seem to be closer than she and I are.
Because of work and other commitments, I’ve only been able to see her once or twice a month, so I had wondered if she might be seeing other men as well. But since we’d never talked about it before, it came as a bigger shock than I expected, and honestly, I wish I hadn’t found out.
She’s beautiful and a lovely person, so I’d like to continue seeing her. But every time we meet, I feel like I’ll remember that she’s seeing other people and end up feeling unsettled.
How do you change your mindset after finding out that your favorite girl has another papa (a male supporter) she’s in a close relationship with?
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
I’m not sure why you think you’re the only one. You should consider things like:
Are you giving her that much allowance?
Were you giving her around ¥2 million a month?
Do you have the kind of looks that would make you wildly popular in show business?
It’s worth thinking about various possibilities.
If none of those apply, it would actually be stranger to assume you’re the only one.
You might also find out how things are with other men. I think there could be some very useful insights there.
Ideally, you should become close enough with her to have conversations like that.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I can only think, “You’re doing your best. Good for you.” I’m also someone she feels she has to work hard for, so I’m reminded to make this an arrangement where she doesn’t have to push herself as much as possible.
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I’m Joe, a male member.
That’s quite a brutal reaction, isn’t it? This is what happens when you ask a careless question. Unfortunately, you brought it on yourself. To begin with, “heartbroken” is a word you should only use until your twenties—or maybe only until middle school. At the very least, it doesn’t belong in the dictionary of a fully grown adult.
As Mac said, the best approach in a dating club is to switch gears and start “winning her away from the other generous papas.”
I hope you continue to enjoy your relationships.
I’ll close with a saying from Keiko-hime, who used to be my assigned companion:
“A woman’s problems can only be solved with another woman.”
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I’m Basil, a male member.
Just like men, women naturally date multiple people. I participate with that understanding, so it doesn’t bother me. In fact, knowing where I stand helps me plan future dates and frequency.
If you want exclusivity or to move up in her priorities, improve the terms—or have another girl comfort you and cheer you up.
Honestly, even for a beginner, acting this pathetic at your age is a little embarrassing.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
It can’t be helped… I’m sure my papa (a male supporter) would be terribly upset too. Feeling that way is perfectly normal.
If she’s beautiful and a good person, that’s only natural. Even raising the pay-per-meeting allowance would probably just motivate her even more to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and make her think, “I should earn even more.”
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I see it as just part of the arrangement, so I don’t really understand why you’d feel shocked. I’m sorry—I honestly can’t relate.
In general, I think the best way to move on is to find someone else. But that’s simply how these relationships work, so unless you come to terms with it or change your dating style, you’ll probably keep having similar experiences.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
You didn’t want to know—that’s understandable.
But the fact that she meets you is real. So why not look at that fact and find something genuine and positive in her own agency and feelings?
The “you’re the only one” that you want from her is your personal wish, so maybe take a step back, calm down, and sort out how you feel.
I also think Mac’s advice is worth considering.
P.S.
That’s what I was writing, but after reading the latter half of Mac’s comment, I started thinking the same thing lol.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If you only meet once or twice a month, it’s basically a casual, insignificant relationship, so it’s contradictory to start thinking about having other papas.
If you don’t like that, apparently offering around ¥50,000 per pay-per-meeting arrangement makes them less likely—or not inclined—to find another papa.
That said, they may still spend time freely with men who don’t give them an allowance (a papa without an allowance?) to blow off steam and have fun…
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I’m Dai, a male member.
When you’re only meeting once or twice a month, it’s perfectly normal for a beautiful, nice girl to have other men in her life.
The fact that she travels with him may simply mean they’ve been seeing each other longer than she’s been seeing you.
Getting hurt over something like that is pretty pathetic for a man.
The best way to move on is to make offers to other women.
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