I’m a 25-year-old office worker. With a take-home pay of ¥150,000, about ¥150,000 a month from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and around ¥50,000 from my hobbies, I think I’m able to live fairly comfortably.
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The other day, I took a junior colleague out for dinner for the first time—about ¥3,000 per person. She kept eating, so honestly, I was nervous about the bill, but I felt happy seeing her enjoy the meal with a smile.
Since I’m usually the one being treated by papas and other men, I learned that:
1. Even the person paying spends quite a bit of time thinking about things like serving food and how to avoid making the other person feel awkward.
2. You have to choose the menu based on the other person rather than just yourself, which can be nerve-racking.
3. Even handling the bill smoothly is difficult.
Even though I have enough financial leeway, I’m usually the type to hesitate before treating someone, so it made me realize once again how impressive the men are who always pay so naturally.
Do people who can treat others so effortlessly simply get used to it over time?
I’d like to become someone who can treat others in a more polished, natural way too.
I’m Taro, a male member.
What a remarkably wholesome question. This board is usually full of pretty toxic questions, so what’s going on here? Is this some kind of trap...? (lol)
My first company had a culture where senior employees paid for everyone. That applied to lunch as well as dinner. If it happened every night, people would eventually say, “You should at least chip in a little,” but even then, it was only around 1,000 yen each. So I’ve treated my juniors the same way for several decades now. If the juniors I treated have gone on to do the same, then in a way, it’s a kind of tradition.
If you can afford it, you should treat people generously. And it’s not limited to paying for others—experiencing both sides, giving and receiving, can teach you a lot. I think you’ve noticed something important, so you should try different things and learn through trial and error. There may seem to be a right answer, but there really isn’t one. You have to keep experiencing successes and failures and establish your own way.
Next time, ask something a little more vulgar.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
You have a really wonderful outlook. It’s not about the amount—it’s about the spirit behind it.
A close friend of mine, who was a year ahead of me in high school and started working before I did, treated me to all sorts of things for about two years. At one point, I borrowed ¥200,000 from him for something I couldn’t ask my parents about, but I paid him back by working part-time. They say friendship and money mix like oil and water, and I didn’t want to damage our friendship, so I worked hard to repay him in installments.
We’re going out for drinks soon, and I intend to treat him to repay the favor. He doesn’t like the idea, but since I can put it on my business expenses, I tell him it’s completely different from the level of what he used to treat me to and insist on paying.
He would never say it himself, but if he ever asked to borrow money, I’d lend him as much as he needed. (Of course, I’d really be prepared to give it to him.) Not many people get to experience the joy of treating someone, so I think it’s a wonderful thing, haha.
I wish it were possible to build that kind of relationship with a PJ, too. It’s not about the amount—it’s really difficult to build a relationship where giving feels worthwhile, but I’d hate to lose sight of that, haha.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
Questioner, you’re impressive! Being able to understand how the person paying feels at your age shows a remarkable sense of balance.
You’re not stretching yourself financially, and you have a proper job too, which makes you very likable.
As Mac-san says, in the end, it’s happier to pay for yourself and eat and drink what you like, at your own pace, rather than have someone treat you. And when an attractive papa-katsu woman you like is there with you, that makes Fuu even happier.
When you go out drinking with a junior colleague, choosing a set course with all-you-can-drink is less stressful because you know the exact price in advance. If you look online, you can find some pretty nice places offering deals like that.
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This is a little off-topic, but even if earning ¥150,000 each from your job and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is fairly common, making another ¥50,000 from a hobby is impressive.
I’m really curious what you do.
If I were a man, I might make you an offer just out of curiosity alone (lol).
Marika
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Honestly, treating a junior male colleague to a meal is the hardest.
If it’s a client who’s a company president, it’s easier because they’re used to being entertained. I’ve just finished entertaining one, and following standard business-entertainment etiquette is generally enough. Though I tend to go a little further and really win their trust.
On the other hand, treating a junior colleague is a different story. It’s easy if I’m paying and simply want to have things my way, but if I want them to enjoy themselves too, the difficulty level shoots up.
First, you have to make sure they don’t feel obligated. This can come naturally from your personality or the relationship you have, or you can play a character your junior feels comfortable enough to make fun of—the Ryuhei Ueshima approach. You choose depending on their personality.
Then you have to be considerate about what they eat and drink, where to go for the second round, and make sure you’re not pushing them too hard. It suddenly becomes much more difficult.
Honestly, treating a woman is easier than treating a junior male colleague.
For me, the ideal relationship is one where my juniors can smack me on the head and make fun of me. When I see potential in a junior, I raise them to be that way.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think the most natural approach is to treat someone within your means.
If a 25-year-old office worker treats you to a $30 meal, wouldn’t you feel a little bad about accepting it?
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I’m Basil, a male member.
Being able to handle steps ① through ③ so smoothly probably comes from experience gained through business entertaining and this activity. But treating women from the club is nothing more than a product of ulterior motives.
If it means winning her favor, splurging on the first meal is a small price to pay. Once you start getting bored, though, the meals tend to become simpler and simpler.
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