The man I like directly tells women who aren’t very cute or are overweight things like “You’re ugly” or “Lose weight.” He’s about 185 cm tall, has a small face, and is handsome. He’s nearly ten years older than me, a teenager, but I find him incredibly attractive. He has the kind of good looks that make me think he must have been quite a player when he was younger.
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I see him frequently, and we have sex. He says he doesn’t want to have sex with women he considers ugly or even let them into his home, so I think my appearance is genuinely his type. He constantly tells me how cute I am, takes me to all kinds of places, and proudly shows me off, saying, “See how cute she is?”
He would never call me ugly or fat. But when he says those things to other women in front of me, they look hurt, and I often think he really doesn’t need to go that far.
He says these things sincerely, without any malicious intent, so I don’t necessarily think he has a bad personality. But what do men think of a guy who directly calls women ugly or fat?
If he said those things to me too, I wouldn’t have fallen for him, but he compliments me, so… Still, when I see him hurting other women without meaning to, I start wondering what kind of person he really is and whether it’s okay for me to keep liking him. I feel uneasy about it.
I’m Basil, a male club member.
From the way you describe it, I assume he isn’t a man you met through a club.
If this is a regular relationship, it’s probably best to walk away. Even if he dotes on you now, the moment you get a little older or he gets bored, he’ll just start calling you ugly.
If he is a man from a club, though, you can keep seeing him without worrying, as long as he treats you well and gives you an allowance you’re happy with.
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It’s Nana Ayase ♡
That boyfriend of yours is absolutely the worst.
He has a bad personality, isn’t very bright, and clearly wasn’t raised well.
If you keep saying stupid things along with him,
you’re going to learn the hard way…
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office will answer as well.
> I don’t think he has a bad personality, though.
I think your sense of what’s normal is already becoming distorted.
If most people heard this story, they’d probably think he was a bad person.
If you stay involved with someone like that, I think you’ll gradually start hurting people without even realizing it.
> I’m worried—is it okay for me to be falling for him?
You’re free to fall for whoever you want, but if you’re asking whether you should, then I’d say no.
You need to break things off soon, or your own personality will become warped too.
Though I suppose that’ll be difficult while you’re being showered with attention.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Since he casually hurts people, I feel that saying he “doesn’t mean any harm” is a little off.
He sounds unpleasant—probably the type of person who can’t read other people’s feelings.
If looks are his main criterion, there’s a good chance he’ll move on to someone else if a more attractive girl than you comes along. It depends on you, of course, but since he’s probably handsome, just enjoy things as they are and treat it as a bit of temporary fun. It seems like maintaining this long-term would be difficult. You’d probably be better off approaching it as a transactional relationship.
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
I’m scared of jealousy and find it exhausting, so when I’m talking to a woman and another woman comes up—say, she asks, “She’s cute, right?”—I instinctively go into defensive mode and say, “Not cute at all.” But this sounds different.
You say it directly to her, right? Honestly, he sounds like a terrible guy.
Why are you dating someone like that? lol
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You seem to have a bad personality, and you don’t come across as very bright either.
Isn’t there also a chance you could be sued for sexual or workplace harassment?
Wouldn’t it make you uncomfortable to be the only one getting praised?
Sorry, I just don’t like handsome men.
Marika
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I do think he has a bad personality.
“Didn’t mean any harm” isn’t an excuse.
That said, no one is perfect, so I think it’s okay to like someone despite that. It’s perfectly normal to fall for someone while still seeing their flaws.
Adding this after reading Flag Maker’s answer:
> If another woman comes up in conversation and she asks, “That girl’s cute, right?”
I would answer, “She’s not my type.”
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