How should I turn down someone who pressures me to get intimate on the second date?
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I’d rather take a little more time to get to know each other and build a connection.
That doesn’t mean I’m trying to drag things out.
It’s just that even if I’m receiving an allowance, I can’t do it unless I have feelings for them. What should I do?
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I think you should simply decline.
That said, my impression is that many male members in Type B have decided to move on to someone else if they’re turned down after two dates.
That’s because Type B includes at least a few female members who keep dragging things out while only aiming for dinner-only dates.
If that’s how you feel, there’s nothing you can do—just decline and wait for the next offer.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I’m sure there are quite a few women who feel the same way. I’d appreciate it if you could state that clearly in your profile. I think it would help reduce the chances of either side ending up uncomfortable.
Though, of course, it would probably mean receiving fewer offers in the first place.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Women like that often turn out not to have had an adult relationship (intimate) with anyone before.
To the person who asked the question: Have you ever had an adult relationship (intimate) with a man after going out for dinner three or more times?
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
If the second date doesn’t work, how many dates would be enough?
You said “after we’ve gotten to know each other,” but some people feel close enough on the very day they first meet. If that isn’t the case for you, I feel it might take around six months before you become comfortable with someone.
I think your definition of “getting close” differs from the generally accepted one.
If you mean it would take six months or a considerable amount of time, then you’re not suited to Dating Type B, so I think you should change to Dating Type A.
Dating Type B is generally chosen by women who can enter into an adult relationship (intimate) by around the second or third meeting. Of course, if you know from the start that you won’t be able to do that no matter how many times you meet, it’s perfectly fine to say no upfront.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
I think it’s best to decline dating someone like that altogether.
Men like that usually aren’t very good at reading their partner’s feelings, so even if things progress to an adult relationship (intimate), you’ll probably find yourselves out of sync more often than not.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I think you should explain how you feel and only continue seeing men who agree with you.
You could also suggest splitting the cost of dates. Some men who are willing to wait might even be touched by that. I think it could work.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think you could say, “I’m not trying to drag things out, but I need a little more time to get to know each other better. I can’t do it unless I have feelings for you.”
Some men may ask how many dates you need, but you can answer based on how you feel, prefacing it with, “I can’t guarantee this, but…”
If you don’t like being asked questions like that, you can simply turn them down by saying, “I don’t think I can be with someone who asks me things like that.”
If you still don’t think you’ll be comfortable after five dates, I recommend choosing Type A.
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