I recently signed up and received my first offer the other day.
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This is my first time doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I have a question about something that’s been on my mind aside from negotiating the allowance.
Do you usually discuss early on what you would do in the event of a pregnancy?
For example, whether the man would cover the cost of an abortion or split it...
If I’m going to have an adult relationship (intimate) with someone who isn’t my partner, I’d want to discuss this beforehand. I’d like to hear what everyone else does and how you would feel if someone brought it up at the start!
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
If you bring up abortion costs in case of pregnancy, even a boyfriend or a papa (a male supporter) might back off.
If you’re worried, include “we must always use condoms” in the terms of the adult relationship (intimate).
If condoms alone don’t put your mind at ease, I think you should consider taking the pill. Make sure it’s prescribed by a doctor. Pills sold directly online can be questionable, so it’s better to avoid them. Some hospitals let you order refills online and have the pills delivered to your home after your initial consultation. People who smoke may be at higher risk of blood clots, but aside from that, modern low-dose pills are generally very safe.
Some people also say they help regulate irregular periods, promote weight loss, and ease period-related discomfort.
The reason I know a little about this is that I once looked into it and went to the hospital with someone to support her. Men weren’t allowed inside the hospital, but I researched everything I could for her.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
I think you should talk about wanting him to use a condom, but I don’t think you need to bring up what would happen if you got pregnant.
I understand that’s probably what worries you, and you may want to establish things clearly because some men might run away. However, a man who intends to run will probably do so regardless of whether you discuss it beforehand.
Even if he does disappear, you can hire a lawyer and have them file a disclosure request through the bar association under the Attorney Act. (You would need to properly explain the circumstances, such as becoming pregnant and being abandoned.) His real name, address, contact information, and so on can be disclosed, allowing you to identify him and take legal action.
So there isn’t much benefit to discussing it in advance. I think the things you should discuss are the allowance amount and whether he will use a condom.
If you’re worried about pregnancy, you can simply say, “Condoms are non-negotiable.”
That said, after you’ve had an adult relationship a few times and grown close, it might be okay to bring it up afterward, while lying in bed, with something like, “What would we do if I got pregnant…?”
But that seems like a conversation for after you’ve become quite close.
Incidentally, it’s generally understood that the man should cover the full cost of an abortion, so splitting the cost is probably something that happens when you’ve ended up with a particularly awful man.
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This is Ayase Nana ♡
Questioner, did you do it without a condom? If you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think taking the pill is a basic precaution.
Always make sure he wears a condom.
If you bring up what would happen if you got pregnant, he’ll run. Nobody likes dealing with complicated conversations.
As for going without one, I might consider it if he paid an extremely generous allowance—but only if he also got tested for STIs every month.
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I think it’s best to take the pill without mentioning it and still have him wear a condom, but if you tell him from the start, don’t you think he might assume it’s okay to have sex without one?
Rather than bringing it up right away, I feel it might be better to wait until you’ve met a few times.
I’ve never told anyone.
Marika
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I’m Basil, a male member.
A lot of women have told me at the first meeting, “Please use protection,” but no one has ever brought up what would happen if they became pregnant.
Even when we’ve agreed to see each other without a condom, we’ve settled things at the cost of the medication plus a little extra. No woman has ever raised the issue of specific financial responsibilities in the event of pregnancy.
I have been told, as a way of turning me down, “If I got pregnant, would you take responsibility?” Of course, if the worst happened, I’d be prepared to cover the actual expenses plus something extra.
Why not talk first about contraception, and then about what would happen in the event of pregnancy?
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I’m in Seattle.
I’m extremely careful about contraception, but if you do get pregnant and decide to have the baby, I’ll give you ¥100 million. I’d like to see the child occasionally.
I don’t want to get married, but I will acknowledge paternity. I’d also have a DNA test done.
If we’ve met a few times and gotten to know each other, you might consider asking him about it.
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I’m Aya, one of the female members.
The pill still isn’t widely used in Japan, and it’s said that only about 20% of women take it. I think being active while worrying about the risk of pregnancy can be really stressful. Of course, we use protection, but there’s always a chance something could happen. It’s scary, isn’t it? I don’t take the pill either.
Once you become close enough with your papa (a male supporter) to meet several times a month, you can bring up topics like, “What if I got pregnant?” If you discuss it over LINE, there’ll be a record of the conversation, which might give you a little peace of mind if anything does happen.
That said, I don’t bring it up too seriously. If you say, “I want to have your baby,” some men are simply happy to hear it, while others may be taken aback but still pleased, thinking, “Does she really like me that much?” I’ve always wanted children myself, too. From there, I casually try to get a sense of how he feels about various things.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t bring it up. I use condoms, and most women are usually on the pill, so I feel the chance of pregnancy is negligible.
If she brought it up, I’d think, “Here comes a new one!” But at the same time, since she must be seriously asking, I’d find it bothersome and decide not to pursue an adult relationship (intimate). I’m only interested in adult relationships (intimate) with adults.
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