Why can’t he just think, “As long as she comes back to me, that’s all that matters”? It feels like he’s burning away the love that had just begun to grow with his possessiveness and jealousy, which is such a shame.

I’m Aya, a female member. I just read your earlier question too, and that papa is absolutely the worst. I think I’d be just as angry if the same thing happened to me. Why not meet him somewhere with other people around, like a café, calmly tell him the amount you feel is fair, and ask him to transfer it to you on the spot? If he still refuses, couldn’t you say something like, “Then I’ll tell your wife”?

I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist. I can understand how you feel. You must be incredibly angry. That said, I do think you bear some responsibility for not taking things further yourself—from a “papa and PJ” relationship to something like romantic partners or a common-law relationship. You also settled for the convenient arrangement of being able to walk away whenever you wanted. It was a no-strings-attached intimate relationship, but your papa was paying your rent and other expenses, right? Didn’t you stay with him because you were getting some benefit from it, even if it wasn’t technically an allowance? That said, I do understand how you feel. I’m sure you’re overwhelmed with emotions—feeling hurt, cheated, and resentful. But the best thing you can do is calm down, think only about what is genuinely best for your future, cut that man off cleanly, and move on. Clinging to the past and continuing to be involved with him is the biggest waste of all. After all, today is the youngest you’ll ever be in the future. The human brain is wired so that when we realize the time, money, and effort we’ve invested were wasted, we become even less able to walk away. There’s even a name for it: the “sunk cost” fallacy. Don’t let something like sunk costs fool you. Cut him off cleanly and move forward for the sake of your future. Revenge will probably stop mattering to you soon enough.

This is Joe, a male member. If you feel that strongly about it, I suggest you come up with your own way to get even while holding your drooping brain in place. Of course, you don’t have time to be asking questions here, do you? That said, I don’t recommend it. Why? Based on my limited life experience, I doubt you’ll feel satisfied no matter what kind of revenge you take.

I’m Flagmaker, a column writer. Go ahead and tell them how you feel—lol.

I’m Kazu, a male member. “God helps those who help themselves.” You’re the one who let him have you for free. P.S. I’m not trying to brush you off by saying it’s your own responsibility. Women often comfort each other by saying, “I know exactly how you feel,” but that’s basically just a greeting. I think the person saying it is also avoiding thinking deeply and just brushing things off—and it encourages the person being told that to do the same. Besides, there’s no way anyone can truly understand another person’s suffering. It’s just a stock phrase, like “Please accept my condolences” at a funeral. I don’t say things like that because they aren’t answers to the question.

I’m in Seattle. I can’t believe I accepted it for free. I guess he was pretty good at talking me into it. If you can’t forgive him, your only options are to ask him for the money from now on or break things off.