Betrayed in a no-allowance romantic relationship—should I resume papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?

When I asked for the allowance I had been expecting, he said I was threatening him and told me he would take legal action. Please be careful. Marika

I’m a losing guy among the male members. I truly understand how frustrated and wronged you must feel. I really do. I don’t want you to retaliate, but I also understand why you feel like doing it. If I were in your position, I’m sure I’d have a hard time holding back that urge for revenge too. I’m not admirable enough to offer any proper advice, so all I can do right now is listen to you, quietly nod, and be there for you. You’ve really been through a lot… This question box isn’t meant for venting, but if writing out your complaints and anger helps keep them from exploding in a harmful direction, please go ahead and post them—even if they might be deleted. Until they are, I’d like to stay by your side.

I’m Flagmaker, a column writer. Honestly, my impression is that women in this world are really kind. And so is the person asking the question. In the end, they just give up on their own. No, that’s not it—you threaten them and take the money anyway, lol. There are a lot of scary women around me. They’d probably think nothing of holding a knife to someone’s throat and threatening them, or forcing them to bow down and then stepping on their head.

I’m Basil, a male member. As you understand, this is basically a hit-it-and-quit-it world, so I don’t think there’ll be a second meeting—or that you’ll be able to collect the full allowance. If you keep demanding the amount you were promised, they might pay a portion just to avoid the hassle. But don’t blame me if they turn on you and accuse you of stalking.

I’m Kazu, a male member. Your true colors came off pretty quickly. Or are you just wavering? There’s no way he’s going to respond to a demand like that. I don’t think what Flag Maker meant by “you have to recover it from the person himself” was that you should make such a blunt demand. First, I think you should consider the fact that you agreed to this no-allowance relationship of your own free will. You weren’t kidnapped, confined, or forced into seeing him. Even if you’ve reached the point where you want to end the relationship, why does that suddenly become a matter of demanding your allowance back or telling him he should regret it? You may be able to avoid thinking about anything by convincing yourself that you’re the victim, but the truth is, you aren’t. I also find the expression “used and tossed aside” uncomfortable. That, too, is a way of giving up on thinking by placing yourself in the role of the victim. The man may have behaved terribly, but you were the one who chose to see him. A boring woman who can only give up on thinking will never be able to solve her problems, and will continue to be someone who isn’t taken seriously and gets used and tossed aside. People who blame everything on others and can’t take responsibility for themselves are ugly fools, and they’re unlikely to grow. I suggest using this as an opportunity to think about what went wrong—including your own part in it—and try to become a better person.