How do you comfort someone who’s emotionally struggling?
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She made a major mistake at work and said she wanted to quit, so I told her to try to stick with it. But lately, she’s been taking time off, staying shut in her room and playing games all night. She’s become withdrawn and says she doesn’t even want to go on dates.
We live relatively close to each other and regularly go back and forth between our rooms.
I’d really appreciate any advice.
This is Nana Ayase♡
Listen carefully to what they have to say, then explain what went wrong and suggest alternatives. Please never say, “There are lots of people like that, so don’t worry about it.” Those words just push the other person away.
If it were me, I’d probably say, “Let’s look for your next job.”
Reading between the lines, could they be saying they want to end things with you? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, though…
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
When I listen to someone vent, I’ll say things like, “That sounds really tough… Isn’t this not your fault?”—that sort of thing.
To put it extremely simply, it’s like telling a woman who committed a crime, “Is that really a crime?” or “Isn’t this not your fault?”
If you keep listening to her that way, eventually she’ll reflect on what she did on her own and say, “I’m going to turn myself in after all!”
Then I’ll say, “It’s great that you thought it through and reflected on it yourself. You did well.”
Listening to women vent is full of contradictions, but that’s basically how it works.
When you empathize with their feelings, women can independently make reasonably sound choices on their own. They’re actually strong—and you could even say they’re responsible and level-headed.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
The best thing you can do is simply listen to her. Don’t decide what you think she should do.
Seeing a psychosomatic medicine specialist won’t change that.
That said, I think it’s best to avoid getting too deeply involved in her private life.
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
It may depend on the nature of the mistake, but right now it seems like she’s going through a lull in her motivation. She may need some time to regain her emotional stability.
Since you mentioned that she’s also started taking time off work, I feel she may be finding it increasingly difficult to go back. Depending on the situation, perhaps you could guide her toward changing her environment and making a fresh start.
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