I have a favorite girl (A) I’ve been seeing for nearly a year. She’s wonderful, and we meet four times a month.
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She’s been a great source of comfort through things like the passing of relatives (though I realize that may sound inappropriate).
Recently, I made an offer to another girl (B), and she’s truly wonderful too. Aside from the adult relationship (A may have the edge there), B surpasses A in every other way. B wants to meet twice a week (the allowance is the same for both) and has been actively inviting me out.
But B seems like the type who might disappear somewhere far away if I don’t match her preferred pace of seeing each other.
Given my schedule, it would be difficult to see both A and B, so I have no choice but to choose one.
This feels like a question for a younger generation—almost like choosing between a longtime girlfriend and a new one.
Assume that reducing the number of times I see A or otherwise trying to juggle both isn’t an option.
What would you do?
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If the monthly allowance is only ¥40,000, the level of satisfaction is probably low—that’s likely why you offered to meet someone new in the first place. So if you meet someone who fulfills you more than A does, it’s only natural that you’ll gradually drift away from A.
On the other hand, if an adult relationship is your priority, you could continue seeing A while waiting to meet someone whose adult relationship and everything else exceed what you have with both A and B.
Unless there’s a real possibility that your adult relationship with B will become exceptionally compatible, you’re compromising whether you choose A or B. If the adult relationship is even less satisfying than with A, I don’t think you need to force yourself to keep seeing B.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
If money weren’t an issue, wouldn’t the simplest solution be to meet B once a week and A once a week, offering double the allowance? B would probably be happier with that than meeting twice a week.
If this question is genuine, it feels like they don’t have as much financial flexibility as they do time, and are just making unfounded assumptions.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
You’re only seeing A because you have feelings for her, right?
And B is more your type than A, correct?
How about continuing to see B for close to your full allowance while cutting your dates with A roughly in half?
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
If you think of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as a subscription, A-ko offers consistent satisfaction.
It’s common for a newcomer to seem better than someone who’s been around for a while. One-off relationships and short-term new projects can prioritize excitement, but when it comes to your family and back-office operations, stability matters more.
For someone as stimulating as B-ko, I think you’d be better off looking on dating apps.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I’m greedy, so I’d like to date both A and B. Wouldn’t it be kind of exciting to enjoy the thrill while nervously hoping they don’t find out?
To keep them from finding out, adjust your schedule like crazy and show them both the same amount of affection. Otherwise, B might catch on and walk away.
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I’m Column Writer Flag Maker.
I did a tarot reading.
A is a flexible girl, so she should be fairly accommodating. As you said, B seems to require a certain amount of passion and focus.
The advice I received was: don’t get caught up in dreams—make a realistic choice.
[Correction below]
I think it might work to make B your main focus while keeping A as an option. The reason is that A seems fairly accommodating. It may be a good idea to keep things open with her and see how it goes for a while, then choose between the two later.
Whether you believe it or not is up to you.
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You’re making all kinds of excuses while hiding the thought, “Could she be B?”
Someone who’s secretly thinking, “It’s 80,000 yen a month, so how much can I get?” is pretty self-centered, so maybe you should think it over carefully before deciding.
If you’re thinking, “If I lower it to 60,000 yen a month, she’ll spend the other two meetings with another papa,” then go ahead and meet her.
But honestly, she’ll probably move on to someone else pretty quickly anyway....
Akari
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I’m in Seattle.
A is important, so let’s keep that arrangement as it is.
As for B, twice a week works out to eight times a month, which is a bit too often. Why not ask him to increase the allowance a little and reduce the frequency?
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
If you impose confusing restrictions and then describe the options as “nice” or “really nice,” how is anyone else supposed to answer?
I can only suggest that you make the choice based on your own preferences. If you can’t decide, why not flip a coin or draw straws?
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I’ll answer too—Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
I don’t understand what you mean by assuming from the outset that you can’t reduce how often you see A or otherwise make adjustments.
If cutting back on the number of meetings occurred to you, then do that.
If you can’t, you should think it through yourself and come to a conclusion.
By the way,
“B seems like the type who’ll disappear somewhere far away unless I match her pace of seeing each other”
is simply an assumption the person asking the question has made.
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