Ever since I met someone I truly love, I’ve lost all motivation for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I really love him. I think he loves me too. At first, even though we were intimate, he tried to take me seriously. But when he found out that I had a friends-with-benefits partner and a papa (a male supporter), his feelings toward me changed. He told me, “If you were truly innocent and didn’t fool around with other men, I’d want to date you.”
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Since I had been seeing him in exchange for money, he had already told me several times before he found out about my papa-katsu that he wanted to take me seriously and stop having a relationship where he gave me money. But the day I told him I had a papa, he said, “I don’t want to be just one of the many men you have, so I’ll give you money today too. It’s probably better for us to just be convenient partners for each other.”
Maybe I should cut off both my friends-with-benefits partner and my papas and focus only on him. But money is important too, and as a university student living alone without financial support from my family, I rely on my papas for my living expenses. I’m anxious being dependent on just one person, which is why I have several of them, and I’m scared to suddenly cut them all off. He has money too, and he has already given me several hundred thousand yen, but I’m worried about narrowing it down to just him based solely on a temporary romantic feeling. Normally, I think it should be possible to balance a relationship with someone you love and papa-katsu, but he already knows about my papa-katsu, and if I started dating him, I don’t think I’d be able to continue properly facing my papas and doing papa-katsu. Right now, I can barely continue papa-katsu because my relationship with him is based on money and we aren’t seriously dating.
I spend half of every month with him, and it scares me how increasingly attracted to him I’m becoming. I’m not good at juggling things, so I can’t balance both relationships, and I don’t know what to do.
How can I balance papa-katsu with being with someone I truly love?
When you have someone you genuinely love, there’s no way you can successfully date a papa who’s seriously in love with you, is there?
I’m columnist Fuu.
Hmm…
To make things work with a boyfriend or future spouse, you probably need to be the kind of person who can keep secrets—someone prepared to take the fact that you have a friends-with-benefits partner or do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to the grave.
I don’t know how they found out, but if you’re trying to maintain both relationships, it seems like you wouldn’t be able to keep up the lie even if you told your boyfriend, “We broke up.”
Why not end things with your friends-with-benefits partner and devote yourself to your boyfriend, then tell him, “I’m going to end things with my papa (a male supporter), so money will be tight. Could you support me?”
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> Ever since I met someone I truly love, I haven’t felt motivated to continue papa-katsu.
If you’re not motivated, I think you should just quit.
If you need money, get a part-time job.
> He found out that I have a friend with benefits and a papa (a male supporter).
You could end things with your friend with benefits without affecting your finances, couldn’t you?
If you love him, I think you could let your friend with benefits go for his sake.
If you can’t, then I suppose your feelings for him were only that strong, so you may as well continue as you are.
> How can I balance papa-katsu with being with someone I truly love?
It might help to think about what you really need.
If you can’t balance the two, then:
If you need the money to live, you should treat him as just one of your many papas.
But if your feelings for him are causing you pain, I think you should choose him alone, even if it means living more frugally.
That said, from what you’ve told me, it sounds like you need both. So I think you should focus on finding a way to balance them.
You can continue having a financial relationship with him as before, while simply allowing yourself to fall in love with him.
As for your other papas, you could tell your boyfriend that from now on, they’re dinner only (no intimacy). It wouldn’t be true, but I think that would be the way to go.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
If he’s young and handsome, he may have other people he’s seeing as well.
If he finds out you have another papa, can you still meet him like normal?
If you’re still in touch, I think you should distance yourself from the one you wouldn’t mind not seeing and continue meeting the other one as usual—secretly.
I’m not capable of juggling things that skillfully, so I’d stick with just one… But you never know when a relationship might fade, so if you intend to deceive him, make sure you do it perfectly.
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Honestly, all you can really say is, “I want to be in a serious relationship with you, but I need money.”
If you have not only a papa (a male supporter) but also friends with benefits, then you should be able to say at least that much.
Was the person you love also someone you met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
If not, then why did you tell him, I wonder…
If he were another papa-katsu papa, someone in the same boat, maybe he could understand. But if not, there really aren’t many people who could accept hearing something like that.
I think you wanted him to accept you and still tell you he loved you. But honestly, that’s a little naïve.
If you have people who are so into you that they say they love you—both your papa (a male supporter) and your friends with benefits—why not stop pretending to be innocent and simply focus on receiving money in exchange?
If one of your papa-katsu papas is saying that, then… well, do whatever you like.
Just be honest and say that you need the money.
Akari
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Seattle here.
That’s a pretty tricky—but interesting—question.
Just to clarify, is your “boyfriend” also one of your papas: younger, good-looking, but offering a smaller allowance?
Why not spend half the month enjoying time with your ideal papa, and use the other half to see a wealthy papa discreetly, just enough to avoid getting caught?
As for the mediocre papa, cut him loose and reduce the number of people you’re seeing.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I think you should be honest with your feelings and allow yourself to fall deeply for him. If you explain your situation with living expenses, he’ll probably support you. To a man, paying to buy a woman and giving money to help a woman he loves may look the same from the outside, but they’re completely different in substance, so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Even in the worst case, if things don’t work out and you break up, I think you’ll quickly find a papa (a male supporter) or another man who likes you. I’m saying that rather casually, but in general, creating that kind of situation in the first place is difficult—which is why everyone struggles with it. If you have good qualities, I think it’s perfectly fine to change your way of thinking.
It’s like living in an apartment building with a convenience store on the first floor. You probably wouldn’t stock up on groceries, and you might even wonder whether you need a refrigerator at all. It’s the same idea.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
Even for men, club members who see their “ace” two or three times a week would find it difficult to have another ace—or to develop feelings for other women. (Is “ace” even still used these days?)
For women, even more so—and if there’s a boyfriend involved, balancing both relationships would be even more difficult.
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