Am I narrow-minded for losing interest in a woman who regularly takes taxis and lives a lavish lifestyle?
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By chance, I found the Instagram account of a woman I’m seeing in a monthly arrangement.
The account isn’t private, and she doesn’t post often, but I was shocked to see posts of what appeared to be high-end restaurants and luxury hotels she had visited with another papa, along with photos of her wearing designer goods.
There were restaurants costing around ¥30,000 per person, luxury hotel suites that must have cost over ¥100,000 a night, necklaces and watches worth more than ¥1 million, and what looked like a Birkin bag belonging to her in one of her story highlights...
When she’s with me, she never asks to go anywhere expensive. We usually eat at casual restaurants costing less than ¥5,000 per person, and we use day-use hotels costing around ¥5,000.
She also never wears designer goods.
She’s never asked for birthday or Christmas presents, and even when I asked if there was anything she wanted, her requests were modest—body lotion or blush from a department-store cosmetics brand.
She never used taxis either. She always took the train, and when I complimented her by saying she was responsible for doing so, she would say, “I don’t take taxis because it’s a waste of money.”
When we parted, I would usually walk her to the station, or, if we were near my home, I would hail a taxi for myself and say goodbye to her there. So I didn’t know how she got home afterward.
But the other day, I happened to see her getting out of a taxi a short distance from our meeting place.
She didn’t know I had seen her, so when I asked whether she had taken a taxi there, she said no.
That day, we went out to eat after the hotel. Maybe because we had both been drinking quite a bit, she said, “I’m tired today, so I’m going to take a taxi,” after we left the restaurant, then hailed one and went home.
At that point, I realized that she must have figured out my financial situation and how much I could spend through the dating club, and was only pretending to be a simple, innocent, nice girl in front of me.
Her true self, I realized, was a woman who wanted the glamorous and luxurious lifestyle shown on Instagram.
I started wondering whether she had another papa and had gained more financial freedom, whether she was tricking other men into giving her money and designer goods, and whether papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) was actually her main occupation despite saying she had a daytime job. Since she always immediately agrees to the dates and times I suggest, I also worry that she might eventually demand expensive presents from me.
Thinking about all this has made me lose interest.
Am I being narrow-minded?
When she’s with me, she’s pleasant, a good listener, humble, and an all-around wonderful girl. More than anything, she has an amazing appearance and figure, so honestly, it feels like a waste to let her go. But my feelings just aren’t keeping up.
Even if I look for someone new here, I’m afraid she might have a hidden side too.
I feel like I’ve developed a mild trauma from this. I’m supposed to see her the day after tomorrow, but I’m having a hard time getting excited about it.
Should I continue seeing this woman?
I’m Aya, a female member.
She’s being a little careless. If it were me, I’d be more thorough. I think it would be best to end things, though you must have really liked her to be this conflicted.
If you liked her that much, I understand how painful this must be. But you’ve definitely been betrayed, so if you can’t forgive that, I think you have no choice but to end things. If you can forgive her, continue the arrangement.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
My vote goes to Marika!
So, you’re saying that every woman appears right in front of you, haha.
How you interpret that is up to you.
You’re at a difficult crossroads.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
She sounds like the perfect papa-katsu girl. I respect that.
Do you really think you’ll find someone better than her?
Almost everyone has a hidden side. If you start digging, it never ends. Looking for her Instagram was where things went wrong.
If you want a woman who’s exclusively yours, you’d probably have to cover what the other papas pay her and keep her on a monthly arrangement.
Fuu doesn’t have that kind of money, so rather than saying I want to date a girl like this, I’d say that most of my monthly partners are probably in a similar situation.
They’re considerate toward papas who pay little—or an average allowance—and don’t show any obvious money-mindedness on the surface. They’re attractive, have great personalities, and are at the level where other papas are paying them huge amounts. If you’re lucky enough to date someone like that and still don’t appreciate it, or you lose interest, what a waste.
If you do break up with her, introduce her to Fuu, okay? (lol)
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I’m Papahikoki, a male member.
If there’s something you have to put up with, you should end the relationship.
But is it really something you’re enduring, or is it within your acceptable limits?
From what I’ve read, I’m more concerned about the fact that you don’t know her day job or Instagram—and, from there, that you’ve never actually seen her use the designer items she owns—than about her being that kind of person.
If you’re fine with the relationship as it is, there’s no need to worry about it. Besides, if that’s the kind of relationship you have, it’s probably only around five or six meetings a month, as you mentioned in your earlier question. You may never know which side reflects her true nature, so I think it would be better not to overthink it and simply continue.
Which version of her is actually the genuine one? Even she may not know. She might get bored, move on from papa-katsu, or simply have a “sometimes I feel like curry” kind of need. Either way, the time she spends meeting you is still meaningful to her.
If you have the confidence that she sees that time as something she needs, then I think it’s fine to enjoy the time you spend together.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Your question is so long, it could practically be a column…
If your feelings have already cooled, you probably can’t go back to how things were, right? Why not cancel your next date and move on to someone else?
You should probably assume that most people will have two sides to them. After all, many people date simply for the money.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
You probably felt like it was a box you weren’t supposed to open—something she was hiding—which is why it kept bothering you and you opened it. Now that you have, that’s fine too.
So, from here on out, I think the only things that matter are why she wanted to lie to you, the fact that she’s continuing to see you, and whether that alone is enough for you. I don’t think it’s a bad relationship.
Try to accept and appreciate the side of herself she wanted to show you. It’s not exactly a lie, nor is it completely fabricated—it’s still part of the truth.
When you see her the day after tomorrow, why not meet her as usual and find out for yourself whether being with her is still enjoyable? Don’t press her for answers or bring it up.
You could even take a somewhat cynical view and think of her as a favorite companion in a transactional relationship, adjusting your perspective that way. If she starts to seem endearing in her earnestness, you may find yourself developing different feelings as well.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It certainly sounds like she has other papas and plenty of financial leeway. I get the feeling, though, that she may not necessarily be seeking a luxurious lifestyle—she might simply live that way because she earns that much.
If she’s been seeing you comfortably and treating you well, then there’s no problem, so why not just continue seeing her? I wonder why that part bothers you.
In my case, if I felt someone had lied to me rather than merely kept something from me, I’d either say goodbye because I didn’t like it, or mentally start treating her like a hotel-call sex worker.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Can’t you see it as:
“She’s putting on an act = she’s making an effort = good for her”?
Or perhaps:
“I’m making her lie to me = I’m sorry for putting her in a position where she has to be considerate”?
Does that make me narrow-minded, mildly traumatized, or someone who only thinks about myself?
In exchange for receiving an allowance, you try to make the person in front of you happy and respond in the way they want. That’s both effort and kindness.
In other words, if you’re making someone lie to you, you also bear some responsibility for putting them in that position.
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Isn’t it rather sweet to think that she was trying to accommodate you because you don’t have much money?
And depending on how you look at it, there’s also a possibility that she met you because she liked you, even without receiving that much money.
Everyone has a hidden side, so what matters is whether you were satisfied when you were together.
Marika
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