People say I give off a “don’t talk to me” vibe. How can I get rid of it…? I’m not saying this about myself, but I’m not exceptionally beautiful. Still, I had Platinum status when I was with the club, and people often compliment my looks, so I think I’m at least fairly attractive. I also think I’m pretty friendly, but apparently people see me as intimidating, scary, or difficult to approach.
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I worked part-time at restaurants for years, but customers never really approached me or started conversations. Meanwhile, even some of the girls I worked with who weren’t particularly cute would have customers chatting and joking around with them, or exchanging contact information. I honestly can’t figure out what makes the difference. When I worked at another restaurant, customers often wrote my name in surveys as the best staff member in terms of service, so I find it hard to believe that I come across as unfriendly.
Several papas have told me things along the lines of: “You’re beautiful, you’re good at conversation, and you’re considerate. But you also give off the impression that you don’t let men get close—that you dislike men—and that’s part of your appeal.” It’s true that I don’t like men, but I don’t openly act as if I hate them, and I’m generally smiling when I’m around men.
If I could, I’d love to become the kind of girl everyone wants to talk to—someone whose presence makes the people around her feel at ease. How can I become that kind of girl?
I’m a male member, Kamihikōki.
Are you Nanao?
You’re already attractive enough as you are, and I’m sure many men would find you appealing.
You’re Nanao, so pulling off Mei Nagano’s persona would be impossible, right?
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Maezawa from the president’s office here as well.
The reason people may find it hard to talk to you could be that you don’t smile when you’re not doing anything in particular. But even if that bothers you, I think it would be difficult to change.
> If possible, I’d like to become the kind of girl everyone wants to talk to—someone who makes those around her feel at ease.
I think it might help to break that idea down a little further and clarify what kind of person you truly want to become.
From what you’ve written, it seems like becoming someone who can comfort those around you might be enough. If that’s the kind of person you want to be, I don’t think everyone necessarily needs to come talk to you.
You could instead think about what it takes to become someone who comforts others.
To put it another way, what kind of person is able to comfort others? Maybe it’s not about being someone people approach, but about comforting them by approaching them yourself.
By breaking it down this way and clarifying what you can do specifically, I think you’ll find a clearer path forward.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
What the person asking the question described is probably exactly what people mean by an “aura.” Even just feeling that you dislike someone can show through. It’s not something you can completely hide just by smiling on the surface, and I’m sure you’re unconsciously using it as a way to keep unwanted people away.
You don’t really want to change it that seriously, do you?
You don’t need to change it, and since it has major benefits, why not just leave it as it is? Your name even comes up in the surveys, after all. I don’t think it’s skewed enough to be something you need to worry about.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think the reason is that the difference between her “sales mode” and her normal self is so obvious.
Since customers only see her when she’s in sales mode, they simply say that she was pleasant to deal with.
It can be hard to approach a woman when you feel like she’s putting on an artificial sales persona.
Hopefully, you’ll meet a man who helps you get over your dislike of men.
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