A lot of men seem to feel guilty, thinking, “I’m making women put up with dating an old guy.” If that’s how they feel, why do they want to date younger women? They should date women closer to their own age instead. I can’t speak for women in their late twenties and older, but women around 20—fresh out of high school or in college—are obviously only able to put up with dating a man their father’s age who isn’t even a handsome older man (over 180 cm tall, fit, and good-looking) because there’s money involved. They’re putting up with it the whole time.
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You don’t even have to think about it to understand. If, when you guys were around 20, an overweight, unattractive older woman had offered you ¥100,000 or ¥200,000—an amount you couldn’t easily earn at the time—for a short date and asked you to treat her like your girlfriend, you’d have done it too, right?
If he were a handsome older man on the level of Hidetoshi Nishijima or Yusuke Iseya, women would happily date him of their own accord. But aside from women who specifically like older men, no one would normally be able to date an unattractive, short, potbellied man old enough to be their father without putting up with it.
When the relationship is based on putting up with things in the first place, I can’t help feeling that men who become anxious about whether the woman is enduring it simply aren’t suited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). A young woman’s main goal isn’t to enjoy the relationship—it’s money. In exchange for giving her an allowance, the man gets to be treated like her boyfriend.
I don’t know what motivates older women to date, but I believe that’s how relationships with younger women work. So when a man still finds himself worrying about it, does that mean he wants to genuinely connect with a woman—or even be in love with her?
I’m Aya, a female member.
I have to admit, I’m not really comfortable with papas who go after girls in their teens either. Maybe because it feels a bit like incest.
I’m in my twenties, and honestly, I don’t like it when the age gap is too large. Especially when I was a teenager or in college, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) would have been absolutely out of the question. Even if I’d been offered money, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with an older man.
That’s why I really think girls who start doing it as early as the person asking this question are incredible. It really is only for the money, isn’t it? At this point, I almost feel that papas should stop making offers to women in their teens or around 20. It brings to mind those prostitution delivery services, and if the women themselves dislike it this much, what’s the point?
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I understand that young women put up with quite a bit when they date older men. I believe papas need to be considerate and keep things within the level of discomfort their partners can tolerate. If the papa isn’t considerate, I don’t think the arrangement will last.
The difference between papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and the adult entertainment industry is that women have the right to choose. I think women are also weighing the money against how much they’re willing to put up with.
If, like the person who asked this question, a woman has the mindset that being treated carelessly is fine as long as she gets paid, then maybe it’s not a problem. But there are many women in dating clubs who don’t feel that way. Since you seem to have such a strong mentality, you may be better suited to the adult entertainment industry if your goal is to make money.
As for why men prefer younger women, there’s also an animal instinct involved. Being intimate with someone young and healthy increases the chances of passing on your genes, so perhaps God designed men to get a stronger dopamine rush from being intimate with younger women. From a genetic perspective, women are more likely to want to be with men who can provide for them—muscular men capable of hunting in ancient times, and wealthy men in the modern world. Of course, there are differences from person to person, and this certainly doesn’t apply to everyone...
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It’s me.
I don’t feel guilty.
That’s because she shows incredible consideration by making sure I never feel guilty.
Isn’t she wonderful?
So I always do my best too, making sure she never has to put up with anything or feel guilty.
Honestly, making that effort is pretty enjoyable.
I think we’ve been together for over two years because our values align—we can be considerate and make an effort without it becoming a burden.
You don’t have to put up with anything. I believe papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is something you can quit whenever you want.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I simply prefer being in an adult relationship (intimate) with a younger woman.
That said, just having sex like at a hostess club or brothel would feel pretty empty, wouldn’t it?
If you’re entering a relationship with a man 20 years older while assuming that putting up with it is simply part of the deal, then you’re the one who isn’t suited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Don’t you know that there are actually couples with a 20-year age gap?
An adult relationship (intimate) that develops after getting close is uniquely enjoyable—completely different from a sex industry service.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
What you’ve written is exactly right.
I also think you should focus on finding a papa (a male supporter) you don’t have to put up with.
As for why papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) exists, while mama-katsu is extremely rare:
> When you guys were around 20, if an overweight, unattractive older woman had offered you ¥100,000 or ¥200,000—an amount you couldn’t easily earn at the time—for a short-term relationship and asked you to treat her like a girlfriend, you’d do it, right?
I’m sorry, but most men simply couldn’t do that. Even if we were offered 100 million yen, we absolutely couldn’t. I think that’s the difference between men and women, and why papa-katsu works. I don’t think we could put up with it.
There’s a phrase, “Beauty and the Beast,” but there’s no equivalent in reverse.
So, when it comes to things we just can’t do—even for money, we can’t do them… I feel that if someone is willing to keep meeting us, they probably don’t have to put up with too much. I hope they aren’t forcing themselves… that’s all.
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That’s a little too blunt…
Maybe it’s because they strongly want to be told that isn’t the case.
“I’m different.”
“I was told they didn’t want an allowance…”
Even people who emphasize an emotional connection—I think, in the end, it’s the same.
Whether they understand it or not, I feel like being the one who gets insecure is better.
Rather than being overly confident.
Akari
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