The other day, I went on a first date with someone who had made me an offer. Since we were meeting in a hotel lobby, I headed there feeling excited.

It’s Seattle. As others have said, it was probably the club lounge. Since it likely costs at least ¥50,000 a night, he may have been a generous (well-paying) papa. Some women who don’t eat much might have been happy with it. But since you prioritized the meal rather than the allowance, while he prioritized the allowance, you were simply a mismatch. I sometimes go to the club lounge with my ace (borrowing the term from Makeo-san), whom I’ve been seeing for two years, and she genuinely enjoys it from the bottom of her heart. I’m glad she isn’t someone like you.

I also thought it was probably somewhere like a club lounge. Even at places like that, they sometimes started bringing the food out on plates because of COVID. As someone who dislikes buffets, I found myself wishing they’d keep doing it that way. I only dislike buffets, but was it the lack of a “luxurious” feel that bothered you? If so, with the limited selection for a buffet, it might end up feeling more like, “Why not just have a meal at a nice restaurant?” Marika

I’m Tetsu, a male member. From what you’ve described, isn’t it a hotel lounge rather than an actual venue? It’s a space reserved for guests staying in certain higher-end rooms. Even if the hospitality is good, it’s still a complimentary space for hotel guests, so I’m not sure I’d call going there a date. Business meetings and dates are two different things, after all.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Could it simply have been a matter of compatibility—or perhaps the man gave her a bad impression? At a prestigious hotel lounge, wouldn’t the made-to-order option be cheaper than the buffet, with the buffet being the more upscale choice? If it was a lavish hotel buffet, wouldn’t it be perfectly understandable for everyone to get excited and enjoy themselves…? P.S. If it was an exclusive lounge such as Executive or Celebrio, then yes, the man was the one at fault. It would be strange to go there for a first meeting. In that case, I’m sorry, but it’s only natural that you felt the way you did. Even if she knew about the exclusive lounge, I don’t think it would have left a good impression at all. Either way, it definitely seems like the two of you just didn’t click…

I’m Fuu, a column writer. I can’t say for sure now, but if it was a hotel in the Ritz-Carlton or Hyatt class, the club lounge would only be accessible to guests staying in higher-tier rooms, so he may have been wealthy. It would be a different story if it was a complimentary lounge at a more ordinary hotel, though… Some women don’t eat much or can’t handle a full-course meal, so is it possible that the papa was thinking they could talk in the lounge first? Didn’t the conversation include something like, “Are you hungry?” Of course, he may also have been planning to talk in the lounge and then go straight to the room, so there’s no way to know now. Going forward, it would probably be best to ask plenty of questions and discuss the terms and allowance before deciding whether to part ways or continue the arrangement.

I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too. > The excitement suddenly disappeared... I lost all motivation, so we talked for about an hour and then went our separate ways. When I hear things like this, I can’t help wondering what the man’s purpose was in making the offer in the first place. If he had thought a little more about the woman and chosen the restaurant accordingly, they might have gone to a hotel that day. So what happened? I think many men end up feeling as though the woman was at fault here. And if there are men who think the dining location doesn’t matter—that anywhere is fine—I can’t help thinking, “This guy really doesn’t get it.” Men, please put a little more thought into choosing the restaurant. The men who say, “Anywhere is fine,” are veterans. Those people really are fine going anywhere. But most men aren’t like that, so don’t take those words at face value. Choose a place where the woman will genuinely enjoy herself. To be perfectly honest, veterans may have such an ability that all they need to do is look into a woman’s eyes and she’ll be completely captivated and follow them anywhere. Trying to do things the same way as those monster-level veterans won’t work. Make sure you choose carefully. Anyway, I got a little off track. I don’t think you necessarily need to prepare yourself mentally. You can still get a sense of what the other person is like from the restaurant and the way things go that day, and make your judgment then. If you really feel you need a mantra, repeat to yourself about a hundred times before meeting: “Dinner is just a bonus. Dinner is just a bonus. The allowance is everything.” That way, you probably won’t be disappointed just because of the restaurant. But even that approach feels a little questionable to me. Ideally, I’d like people to begin by building a connection as two people—including the meal.

I’m Aya, a female member. Aren’t hotel lounges—the ones on floors accessible only to hotel members—usually buffet-style? That’s how I remember it being at the Westin and Hyatt properties. The Westin in Guam was the same. They had fairly substantial appetizers, like California rolls, along with champagne, sparkling water, Coke, and so on, all laid out for guests to help themselves. It sounds like papas often use these lounges for meetings. I don’t think you were treated carelessly or anything.

I’m Dai, a male member. If it was a buffet, isn’t that pretty much how it works? Since it was your first date and he didn’t know your food preferences, I assume he chose that restaurant for that reason. He probably realized that offering to meet someone like you had been a mistake, so he ended things after an hour. Feel free to come up with whatever mindset you want.