What do you think about meeting at Doutor for the first meeting?
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The men who make offers usually reserve somewhat upscale restaurants.
Even when it’s just tea, they’ll choose somewhere like a hotel afternoon tea spot…
At first, I thought Doutor was simply the meeting point and that he would take me somewhere else after we met up, but apparently not.
He said we should talk at Doutor.
This offer came through a letter date, and I’m debating whether to turn it down. He said we’d discuss the allowance after meeting, but doesn’t that sound like he’s going to suggest a low amount?
What would you do?
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, answering as well.
I think the questioner’s instincts are probably right.
That said, the advantage of a letter date is that you can ask various questions in advance.
In this case, you could say, “I’d like to start with dinner. Would you take me to a restaurant you think is nice?” Then ask which restaurant he plans to take you to.
If it turns out to be a family restaurant, you can decide that your instincts were right and politely decline.
Most people who choose letter dates are attracted by the low setup fee. As a result, many of them also want to keep the allowance low.
Some women seem to have figured out this pattern from past offers. When they receive an offer for a letter date, they reply, “Would you mind inviting me on a regular date instead?” and turn down the letter date.
By only meeting men who are willing to make an offer for a regular date, they’re reducing the chances of running into stingy men.
At this point, the quality of the men making letter-date offers has dropped so much that they might as well abolish letter dates altogether.
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Reading this made me want an iced café latte from Doutor.
Depending on the location and time, there may be young people around, the tables can be pretty close together, or everyone may be quietly working on their laptops or tablets. You wouldn’t want to discuss allowance in a place like that, right?
Why not mention that in your message and either discuss the allowance beforehand or ask to meet somewhere other than Doutor?
If he says neither option works, I’d just stop planning to meet him.
Marika
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Just because it’s a letter date doesn’t mean he’s going to suggest meeting at Doutor.
Even with a set-up date, some men take their dates to inexpensive izakaya chains.
When I make an offer through a letter date, I usually take her to a decent private-room restaurant, a hotel buffet, afternoon tea, or somewhere similar for our first date.
It’s perfectly fine to decline. Just please don’t cancel at the last minute.
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I’m in Seattle.
If that sounds appealing, search for “Doutor.”
Maybe your papa is a Doutor fan.
Why not negotiate the allowance by message now? If you cut him off, the opportunity is over anyway, so you might as well ask for a high amount, even if it’s a long shot.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Since I write columns, I’m always looking for material like this. Personally, I’d walk into a Doutor after imagining all kinds of possible scenarios.
I’d start by running a few experiments—like ordering a mille crêpe without asking and seeing whether he’d pay for it—to turn it into a story.
That said, my honest advice is not to do it. Having the allowance conversation at a Doutor sounds absolutely awful.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
“First, be grateful for the offer”—but that’s enough of that. I’ll stop now lol.
I have a feeling the questioner’s intuition may well be right. I think it’s fine to call it off, but part of me wants to read deeper into it and wonder if she’s actually lovely and has some kind of plan.
Doutor is a little too predictable, isn’t it? Maybe it’ll turn into, “Even so, you came to meet me, so there’s actually something I want to tell you…” No way, huh?
If you’re willing to go just for the story, let us know how it turns out.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
If it’s a letter date, meeting at Doutor beforehand is pretty unlikely.
If you’re already feeling uneasy and don’t like him, you could talk for a bit, confirm that it’s not going to work, and make a quick exit… I suppose that’s an option too.
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