I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I’m not a female member, but this really caught my attention, so I wanted to respond.
It sounds like you went through something truly unpleasant.
(I apologize if it’s inappropriate for a male member to respond to such a sensitive issue.)
As Maezawa-san mentioned, there are various options, so I think it would be best for you to take appropriate action yourself.
Also, although this isn’t widely known, as Maezawa-san hinted, cases involving “going without protection” or “finishing inside” are treated very differently.
I believe the key point is whether you can clearly prove that you consented—or that you were forced to do it without your consent.
When it’s just the two people involved, there are many aspects that can be difficult for a third party to judge.
So, based only on the questioner’s post, there are parts that seem to be phrased somewhat indirectly, making it difficult to fully understand the situation. However, depending on how you approach it, there are many other options available.
What I’m about to say may be a little disappointing, but—
I’m completely in favor of going without protection. Of course, if I’m asked to use protection, I do, but I imagine there are very few arrangements that continue under those conditions.
Maybe during the first couple of meetings, both people respect each other’s opinions and feel things out to see whether they can maintain a long-term relationship.
It may not be talked about openly, but I believe there are quite a lot of cases involving going without protection.
And although people don’t often admit it, there are also quite a few cases involving finishing inside.
This may sound strange, but it means there’s no such thing as 100% certainty.
There are men like the male member involved in this case and myself, but I’ve also heard of many male members who give a generous amount for transportation expenses even without an adult relationship (intimate).
So, once again, it isn’t 100%.
When I ask women about this, they say that if they ask a man to use protection, he will, but when they meet at a city hotel, he may say, “I forgot,” or “I didn’t buy any.”
So, even if it’s embarrassing, they make sure to bring their own.
If a man ignores you even after you tell him firmly and repeatedly, I think you need to take some kind of action right then and there.
There’s a lot more I could say about this, but I’ll refrain since it would only cause an uproar and serve no purpose.
Writing something like this makes me wonder, “What exactly is common sense?”
But when I hear the excuses from various local governments regarding hometown tax donations, such as Château Mouton or trips to Hawaii, I start to lose sight of what common sense even is.
You wanted an answer from a female member, but something caught my attention, so I, Maezawa from the staff, am going to jump in and answer as well.
> It just ends with them saying it’s my own responsibility, right?
It’s true that dates after the second one are considered private relationships, so some staff members may simply say that it’s your own responsibility.
But that doesn’t mean it ends there. If you provide proper feedback, the man’s rating will go down. Many staff members would also want to tell other women, in some discreet way since they can’t say it to him directly, “This man has sex without protection, so please be careful.”
(Some staff members do prefer sex without protection, though… https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/200 )
If the information can be conveyed to other women effectively, it may help reduce the number of women who have unpleasant experiences. So I recommend submitting proper feedback through the URL provided when you’re introduced to that man.
Naturally, men who receive far too many negative reviews are considered ungentlemanly and will be forcibly removed from the club.
Also, if he not only had sex without protection but actually failed to use contraception, I think it may be worth considering legal action as well.
Even if you don’t know the person’s real name or address, the club will provide that information if, for example, the police make an official inquiry. (In fact, we generally have no legal right to refuse.)
Likewise, when an attorney covered by Article 23-2 of the Attorney Act makes an inquiry through the bar association, we are legally required to provide the man’s personal information. (An inquiry made directly by an individual attorney has no legal basis, so we do not respond to those.)
This means you can pursue the matter through civil proceedings.
Personally, I believe that failing to use contraception should be considered a lack of consent and could warrant criminal punishment. However, so far I haven’t been able to find any precedents to that effect.
I seem to remember a man being arrested on suspicion of rape after a woman said she hadn’t consented to him removing the condom partway through, but I couldn’t find the case even when I searched just now.
Since there’s no precedent, I assume the matter was settled out of court…
In cases like this, some attorneys may help you file a police report while also pursuing civil damages.
If you were genuinely distressed by what happened, there are various options available, so I don’t think you have to simply suffer in silence.
That said, if the matter can be settled amicably, I would be glad if it could be resolved that way.
There may also be staff members who can listen to you and offer support.
