This is kind of a romance-related question, but I’d really appreciate some advice… After I told the one I really like (not my boyfriend) that I had chlamydia because he was the only person I’d been with without protection, he said, “That kind of thing goes away if you take medicine, and I haven’t been with anyone but you, so there’s no problem. What’s worse is that you’ve been with some dirty guy who gave you an STI. Have you been with some old man too?”
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He isn’t my papa (a male supporter), but he’s close to me in age, always gives me spending money, and has even told me, “I’ll support you.” However, he knows that I also have older men who give me spending money, so I assume that’s why he asked whether I was involved with them too.
I lied and said I hadn’t been with any of those men, but I’m sure he suspects me. He also found out that I’m involved with multiple people.
He said, “If you’re doing that with anyone but me, I’m not going to see you anymore.”
Even though I was thinking, “You’re not my boyfriend,” I asked, “So you mean I should only see you?”
“That’s not what I said. What would you do if I told you to?”
“I see you and receive spending money from you, and you’re not exactly my boyfriend…”
“I’m the one who gives you the spending money. If I stopped giving it to you, would you stop seeing me?”
“I think I’d stop seeing you if I no longer felt that spending time with you was worth more than the money.”
“So you wouldn’t see me if I didn’t give you spending money! You don’t see me as a man at all.”
Even though he gives me spending money each time we meet, it’s only about one-third to one-fourth of the allowance I usually receive through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Since we see each other several times a week, the total does add up, but I had feelings for him that were more special than for my papas because I haven’t been with anyone else without protection. I’ve never seen him without receiving spending money, so I can’t really imagine what that would be like, but I’ve never expected the kind of high allowance I receive from papa-katsu.
That said, I’ve never actually felt romantically in love with him. I think I like him mainly because his appearance is exactly my type, he’s kind to me and satisfies my need for validation, and he gives me spending money.
For now, I lied and told him, “This experience made me hate men, so I ended things with everyone except you.” He said, “So I’m the only one who survived? Good. You should hate men even more.” But there’s no way I can cut off the three papas who bring in nearly one million yen a month, and I feel a little guilty about it.
I don’t know what kind of relationship he wants with me. Does he want us to be friends with benefits without the spending money…? But he also told me, “I don’t think of you as a sex friend,” so I’m confused. Other than the fact that he gives me spending money, we only do the same things people in that kind of relationship do…
I’d really appreciate advice from those of you who are experienced in romance. Thank you in advance.
I’m Dai, a male member.
Before worrying about romance, you should focus on identifying the source of the infection.
Honestly, the primary guy you’re seeing without protection is the most suspicious.
People say it can be cured with medication, but passing it back and forth could lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria that no longer respond to treatment.
That said, it’s hard to simply give up a lifestyle supported by ¥1 million a month, isn’t it?
And if you don’t have romantic feelings for your primary guy either, I feel like continuing things as they are may be your only option.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Your main guy probably has other women besides you… So I think it’s best to keep your papa a complete secret and continue your relationship as it is.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
I have a long-term girlfriend whom I give about the same amount of spending money as in the questioner’s case—roughly a quarter of “both hands,” or half of “one hand.”
The difference is that we sometimes meet without any allowance changing hands, and we used to be engaged before I called off the engagement.
We’re both married now, so we’re no longer romantically involved. Instead, we support each other as people we can turn to for advice.
The man in the questioner’s situation probably isn’t giving her the kind of substantial amount associated with papa-katsu, so I doubt he would ever suspect she’s doing papa-katsu.
More than anything, though, it would probably come as quite a shock to realize that, even financially, she has someone she relies on more than him. If he believes there’s a genuine need for the allowance, only to find out that the amount he gives is just pocket change, he may start wondering, “Then what’s the point of giving it to her—or even meeting her?”
So I definitely think she should keep the papa-katsu completely secret.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
Things would be different if the appearance you consider your absolute type is what most people would call unattractive, but I’ll answer on the assumption that he’s fairly good-looking.
Your “main guy” has a “main girlfriend” besides you.
Popular men don’t pay their main partners.
Once a man is in demand, unlike other men, he can choose the best match from among many women. Out of all the candidates, he treats the “best woman” like a potential future wife. He commits to his main partner and treats everyone else as casual partners.
There may be men who pay for every date or give gifts, but when it comes to a handsome guy giving his potential future wife pocket money each time like papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)… I think that’s extremely rare.
The closest example might be the casual partner of that comedian Wata● from Unjash.
When a man wants to keep another woman who’s close to being his main partner, he makes up for the fact that he can’t commit to her in the same way by paying her.
That explanation feels right to me. I’ve had a similar experience myself, so I think this is probably the closest interpretation.
For you, this is the most convenient kind of relationship, so maybe you should just leave things as they are.
That said, when you weigh guilt against money and choose the money, I think life will become harder for you in the long run. Personally, I don’t recommend continuing while carrying that guilt.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office will answer as well.
> My “favorite guy” (not my boyfriend)
Going by that wording, I think he’s basically your favorite among your papas.
Since he isn’t your boyfriend, that means you wouldn’t need money if he were your boyfriend, right?
In other words, you don’t really care about the appearance of an ordinary papa, but with this papa, you do care about his looks, including his age.
As for how he feels about you, he doesn’t consider you his girlfriend either, so there’s a good chance he’s seeing other women too.
He might even be giving other women more money. If so, he may see you as someone he can meet for less.
Alternatively, he may be like other papas—wanting to have you mostly to himself, but feeling that saying so outright would be inappropriate in a papa-katsu relationship. So he may just occasionally let that desire for exclusivity show.
Thinking about it that way, you’re both in a papa-katsu relationship, so it may be easiest to view him the same way you view your other papas.
That said, he’s someone you find attractive enough that you’re willing to see him even if the allowance is low.
Of course, it would probably hurt if you had to part ways with a man whose looks are your type, so I think it’s best to continue seeing him as smoothly as you have been.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
Chlamydia can be transmitted through saliva, so you can catch it through deep kissing.
That’s why it’s better to stick with just one papa, but seeing him once a month for an allowance of 30,000 yen is tough, isn’t it?
I’m the type who wants to become the number one person to someone once I fall for them, so I understand how you feel.
But you’re getting money from the person you truly love, right? Isn’t he just a papa at that point?
If he’s really your number one, you shouldn’t accept money from him.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
You seem somewhat dependent on that man, but you have no intention of breaking up with him, no intention of quitting your other papa-katsu relationships, and no intention of leaving papa-katsu behind to find a serious boyfriend.
In other words, why not just continue your current relationships with everyone for now? What’s wrong with that? It looks like you’re simply worrying about it on your own.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
We can’t know what other people truly think, so let’s organize what he has said and done.
I couldn’t understand the difference between your main guy and your papa, or between pocket money and an allowance. The only differences I could identify were that your main guy and your papa are different ages, and that you have special feelings for your main guy.
So the situation is that the papa you like—whose allowance is lower than that of your other papas who have sex without protection—started saying, “You’re not allowed to have sex with anyone but me,” and, “So you won’t see me if I don’t give you pocket money, huh? You don’t see me as a man.” Both are things a papa might say.
I think this man wants a relationship where he gives you whatever amount of pocket money he personally feels like giving.
More importantly, if you’ve contracted chlamydia, make sure to tell every man you’ve been intimate with. Otherwise, even after you’re treated, you could become infected again and end up having to tell your main guy about it all over again.
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Your “main guy”? Your words and actions don’t really match.
But since you seem to put money and sexual desire first, why not just keep sleeping with lots of people while you’re carrying an illness?
First of all, anyone who doesn’t think to contact everyone they’ve been involved with and refrain from doing it again until they’re cured probably isn’t in the right place for this in the first place...
Akari
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I’m in Seattle.
Even if he thinks of you as friends with benefits, he can’t say that outright, so he’ll just insist you’re not—which means you probably are.
If he’s handsome, young, and has enough money to give you a decent allowance, he probably has plenty of women around him.
You don’t have to cut off your papa (a male supporter). Why not leave things as they are and look for both another papa and a boyfriend?
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