I’m seeing a very inexperienced girl—she’s only been with one person (practically a virgin)—on a monthly arrangement, but sometimes she gets wet and sometimes she doesn’t.
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It’s been almost a year since I made her an offer, I think.
I’ve never been with someone this inexperienced either, so I’m not really sure what to do to help her get wet.
Only recently has she started taking the initiative and moving her hips while on top.
We’re compatible, but sometimes she looks like she’s in pain. I try using gel, but she insists that she doesn’t want to.
Any advice…
I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
Some people assume that women are bound to get wet when they have sex with someone they like. But whether they like or dislike the person, women’s bodies are designed to respond to stimulation by becoming lubricated.
Whether someone becomes aroused from foreplay can depend on the atmosphere and other factors, but if she still doesn’t get very wet during penetration, it may simply be her natural physiology.
If the two of you genuinely want to make things work, the person you’re seeing may need to put in more effort than you do for you to reach that goal.
If you want to improve lubrication, increasing blood flow to the vagina can make arousal and sensitivity easier. Having sex after warming up in a bath, rather than just taking a shower, may also help.
There are also techniques men can use to improve a woman’s blood flow, but I sell that information, so I can’t share it here… A quick Google search should turn up a few ideas, so give it a try.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
If it’s been going on for a year, I don’t think she dislikes you. That said, I do find it slightly concerning that you believe you’re sexually compatible even though she sometimes doesn’t get aroused.
Do you know what gets her in the mood?
It might help to observe her more closely—how she likes that area touched or kissed, what feels good to her, and what gets her aroused. Even with just the clitoris, women can be surprisingly particular: some like it touched or kissed in certain ways, some prefer up-and-down movements, others side-to-side, the upper part, the lower part, and so on. They may also have a preferred level of gentleness.
The papa side should enjoy it like a treasure hunt and try to discover what works for her. It can even vary from day to day.
I used to be unpopular, so I had very little experience and was hopeless at first. After starting papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I learned a lot about how to make women feel good.
It’s more enjoyable when she’s enjoying herself too, isn’t it?
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
During interviews, I noticed that many women said they had only been with one person. So, at one point, I asked a woman I had arranged several dates for about it.
Apparently, there was a rumor going around that:
“If you’re asked how many people you’ve been with, say one.”
Maybe something had even been written saying that “one” was the answer that went over best.
So it’s probably best to assume that women who say they’ve only been with one person are usually lying.
That said, even if you suspect it’s a lie, things may go more smoothly if you choose to believe them—or rather, maybe that’s how it’s working out. It doesn’t really cause any problems if it is a lie, and even if you later find out it was, you can just laugh it off as an “Oh, so that’s how it was” kind of story.
Besides, the number of people someone has been with doesn’t really matter anyway. (Haha)
> Sometimes she looks like she’s in pain, and although I use gel, she insists that she doesn’t want to use it.
I get the feeling she may be worried that it contains something harmful to her body. Or maybe she’s concerned about what would happen if some were left inside.
So why not show her a product with plenty of reassuring information and suggest trying that?
For example, when I searched on Amazon, I found one called “Lubricating Jelly Lotion, supervised by an active AV actress.”
It says things like:
“This lubricating jelly lotion is designed for women.”
“Developed from a woman’s perspective, this lubricating jelly lotion contains moisturizing hyaluronic acid, collagen, and three types of ceramides.”
“Because it’s a water-soluble lubricating jelly lotion, it can be easily rinsed off with water or lukewarm water, leaving you feeling fresh afterward.”
“Carefully made entirely in Japan, from planning through manufacturing.”
“No synthetic fragrances, no synthetic coloring, no alcohol, and no parabens.”
It includes all kinds of reassuring information like that.
If she reads it, she may feel that this product should be safe enough.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
I’m not really inclined to give away the sex techniques I’ve built up through years of blood, sweat, and tears for free.
If you let me sleep with her just once, I’m also known as the “human sonar,” so I’ll locate everything from tiny schools of fish on the ocean floor—or rather, her hidden sensitive spots.
I’m also known as an “on-call host,” so if you give me an allowance too, I’ll get her warmed up and pass her along to the questioner.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
That woman probably doesn’t really enjoy being intimate with you. Why not try meeting without sex while keeping the allowance the same? If it’s with a papa (a male supporter) I genuinely like, I’ll want to have sex occasionally—not just dinner. But if she doesn’t feel that way about you… then you can be sure she sees you as nothing more than an ATM.
It may be painful to hear, but assume a woman’s number of past partners is three to five times higher than what she says. That way, it’ll hurt you less.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
It’s been almost a year, and I’m still practically a virgin. How long does it take for the “virgin” label to come off?
If she isn’t getting wet, that’s an issue with your technique.
Sometimes a man’s efforts to try too hard can make things worse for the woman, so why not try relying on toys…?
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Could it be that you’re the only one who feels you’re a good match?
Either she doesn’t like you, or she simply doesn’t enjoy sex itself—but what’s the real reason…?
Maybe start by making an effort to get her to like you?
Marika
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I can’t say whether her number of past partners is simply an excuse or the truth, but it’s probably either just how she is or a matter of poor compatibility.
Depending on the woman, some can climax quickly through their underwear, even outside the club, but feel almost nothing with direct contact. When I asked further, it turned out they had been masturbating quite vigorously since they were very young…
> She sometimes looks like she’s in pain, and even when I use gel, she insists she doesn’t want it.
If she’s also refusing to try different things, it feels like there isn’t much trust between you yet, and that you may simply be incompatible. If there were trust, I think you’d work together and try various things.
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I agree with Kazu.
She’s probably presenting herself as “almost a virgin”...
Even if someone has little experience, if they’re emotionally invested or feeling something, they’ll get wet...
It sounds like her partner is really making an effort.
I just hope he doesn’t mistake it for “developing” or “training” her.
Please make it sex that isn’t burdensome or self-centered.
Akari
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
There it is: “almost a virgin.”
One thing I’ve learned from answering questions is that men who ask about someone being “almost a virgin” don’t tend to be the good ones.
If she sometimes looks like she’s in pain, then I think the questioner is simply assuming that they’re compatible. She may not necessarily come into her own within a year or so, so I think it’s best to be patient and take things slowly.
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