Should I quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? I can think of about five men it could have been. All my friends-with-benefits and ex-boyfriends around my age were the type who didn’t go down on me (and always used condoms), so I can’t think of anyone except my papas (male supporters). I have a feeling it might have been one particular person, but we’ve already parted ways, so I’ll never know.
There’s also a man I haven’t started an adult relationship (intimate) with yet under a monthly arrangement. We can’t start seeing each other until next month at the earliest. What can I say to get through this month?
I’m also too scared to have oral sex ever again. Men involved in papa-katsu really are a breeding ground for STIs, aren’t they? Would people accept it if I said, “No oral sex. If you absolutely want it, please use a condom”?
I’m going to focus on getting treated this month, but this is honestly the worst.
I’m Fuu, a columnist.
When it comes to STIs and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the decision should be based on what you want to do and how you’re prepared to handle it.
Any time you have sex, there’s a chance of contracting an STI—whether it’s with a papa (a male supporter), a casual partner, your boyfriend, or even your husband（笑）.
You can’t completely control the other person. Even if you ask them not to have sex with anyone but you, you can’t rule out the possibility that your boyfriend might secretly visit an escort service and bring something back. I’m no longer able to have sex with just one person either, so I’m extremely careful—but I go into papa-katsu prepared for the possibility of contracting something.
Most STIs can be treated with medication if they’re detected early. I already know of a clinic that will see me right away. HIV is the one that can be life-threatening, so unless I really trust someone, I always use condoms properly.
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Don’t say things like “I want to die.”
Make sure you get proper treatment. Since infections can be passed back and forth, be sure to communicate and report everything properly.
Your papa (a male supporter) is involved with multiple women, and you’re involved with multiple papas, so be prepared for the risk of sexually transmitted infections and take every possible precaution.
Akari
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I’m Dai, a male member.
You don’t know what kind of STI he contracted, but infection through cunnilingus seems relatively uncommon.
Among oral sex activities, unprotected fellatio and unprotected sumata carry the highest risk of infection.
If you simply say you don’t do oral sex, I think many men who sense a sex-work vibe from the questioner will choose not to continue.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t think “I don’t perform cunnilingus, so I can’t transmit an STI” is quite right. You should tell everyone you’ve been intimate with that you tested positive and advise them to get tested.
> What should I say to get through this month?
I think you could simply say, “I’m not available to meet this month, so you won’t need to give me an allowance for one month.”
> So papa-katsu really is a breeding ground for STIs among both men and women.
The correct way to put it is that men and women who have sex with many partners face a higher risk of STIs. If they haven’t been tested, the risk is even higher. So it’s not as though boyfriends or casual partners are automatically any safer.
> Would someone agree to no oral sex, or using a condom if they really want it?
They might agree if they were extremely interested in you, but I think it would be quite difficult.
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Tell everyone you’ve been involved with, and for anyone you’re planning to have an adult relationship (intimate) with, couldn’t you simply say you’re feeling a little under the weather or have a cough because of the season and cancel?
Still, getting a monthly arrangement without ever having done anything is pretty amazing. I wonder what they’d do if you weren’t compatible.
Oh, and you should also contact people you’ve already ended things with if there’s even the slightest possibility they may have been affected, given the timing.
Marika
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, with my answer as well.
> What should I say to get through this month?
If you only meet for meals, he may think you’re committing “dating-type fraud” and end things. So I think it would be better to say something like:
“I suddenly got really busy and won’t be able to meet until next month.”
Of course, you should probably add something like, “I don’t need this month’s allowance.”
However, that alone could lead to the relationship naturally fading out, so I think it would be a good idea to set a date for a month from now while you’re at it.
Even then, there’s still a risk of the relationship fading away, so you could hint at something like:
“I think I might be okay with that kind of relationship next time.”
That might be the best approach.
> If I don’t want oral sex, and say that if he absolutely wants it, I’ll only do it with a condom, would he agree to those terms?
If he’s someone you’re just starting to see, you might be able to set terms like that. However, if he meets another woman who’s just as attractive, there’s a possibility he may choose her instead.
Whether it will be okay probably depends on your appeal as a person as well.
Generally speaking, the more restrictions a woman has, the more appealing she needs to be as a person.
I’ve heard that some people work while taking antibiotics. I don’t know whether that’s effective, but from a layperson’s perspective, I can’t help thinking that while antibiotics wouldn’t work against viral infections, they might work against bacterial ones. That said, if you take them regularly, antibiotic-resistant bacteria could become a concern.
I think antibiotics can be purchased through personal import代理 services.
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This is Ayase Nana ♡
If you’ve been told you need to abstain for at least a month, could it be syphilis?
Please remember to take your medication and start right away.
As for what to say to get through this month… if you intend to cut ties with everyone, be sure to report it to the men involved.
If you’ve already ended things with someone, report it to the staff via LINE and have them pass on the message.
If papa-katsu is taking a toll on your mental health, it’s time to graduate from it.
Your health matters more. Please take good care of yourself.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
STIs can be surprisingly easy to transmit. It’s not necessarily true that you’re completely safe just because you use a condom or avoid mucous-membrane contact. Herpes, for example, can still be transmitted even when using a condom.
For now, be honest with anyone you’ve been involved with and have them get tested. Your casual sex partner or papa (a male supporter) could pass it on to someone else. Some infections can also occur without any noticeable symptoms.
I think this is a good opportunity to reconsider the risks you’re taking. If you feel that the balance between your current casual partners or papa, your income, and the risks isn’t reasonable, it may be best to cut ties.
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I’m Hikouki, a male member.
> Would it be acceptable to say, “No oral sex. If you absolutely want it, I’ll only do it with a condom”?
It would be difficult unless you’re exceptionally compatible and both you and your partner can be satisfied without it.
If you’re a good match, I think it’s entirely possible to enjoy things just as you would with someone your own age.
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