I want to end things with a papa whose values don’t align with mine. Is there a way to part on good terms?
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I’m a beginner with just one month of experience with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
I’ve already been on three dates with the man I’m currently seeing in a monthly arrangement. Although nothing bothered me at our first meeting, the more we’ve met, the more I’ve found myself thinking, “Wait…maybe this person lacks basic common sense.” I’m afraid to continue seeing someone like that, so I want to end things. What could I say to part ways amicably?
The excuses I often see online—moving house or my parents finding out—won’t work based on our conversations so far. (Even if I used one, he’d probably realize it was a lie.)
I’ve never ended things with a papa before, so I’d really appreciate some advice. Thank you.
I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this too.
Men say they want you to explain your reasons properly and say goodbye if you’re ending things.
But having to listen to all kinds of questions, explain your reasons, and discuss whether you should have done things differently is exhausting.
That’s why suddenly blocking them is the most amicable option.
And with this method, if something happens by chance later, you can always say, “My phone got waterlogged and I lost all my data.”
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Wouldn’t it be fine to send a message saying, “Something came up and I can’t meet anymore,” and then block him completely afterward?
I once received a message saying, “I got a boyfriend, so I can’t meet anymore,” and was then blocked, bringing things to an end.
If you already have another date planned, I think you should at least let him know that you can’t meet anymore. The papa (male supporter) being rejected may have already made preparations, such as booking a restaurant or a room for the date.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Go completely silent long enough to make them think, “Wait, did they die?”
Because they might actually be dead. It’d be strange to assume they’re still alive. Though, of course, the whole “I’m dead” thing is a lie.
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I’m in Seattle.
Generally, the best approach is simply to ignore them or block them.
Personally, though, I feel it’s slightly better to explain first—“This kind of behavior is unreasonable and unacceptable to me”—and then block them, so you can hopefully prevent further trouble.
If they understand why, they’re less likely to become a stalker.
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I’m “Paper Airplane,” a male club member.
The standard way to turn someone down at the club is:
“I’ll be busy with ◯◯ from now on, so I’ll contact you again once things settle down.”
(or “I’d love to meet you again once things settle down.”)
If they contact you afterward, you can simply reply a few times with something like, “I’m still busy, so I’ll get in touch once things calm down.”
As for this situation, meeting three times at a pace of once a week can be a learning experience. From next time on, I think it’s fine to make your judgment after one or two meetings and then leave their messages unread.
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This is date◎yume, a male member.
When someone won’t listen to reason, I don’t think there’s any easy way to break things off. You may have no choice but to say, “I’d like to end our relationship.” Politely, and repeatedly…
If things become seriously difficult, I recommend reporting it to the club and following their guidance.
And if that still doesn’t work, I think the only option is to go to the police and have them take action to protect you—possibly as a stalking case.
I wish you the best.
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