I was told, “If you want to continue seeing me but you’re having financial difficulties, find someone new”... Is this man the only one misunderstanding dating clubs, or do many male members sign up thinking they can find romance? He told me he liked me, so I think he probably wanted a romantic relationship rather than something involving money.
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I made time for him because I received an allowance, and honestly, I even put up with how uncomfortable I found him. Besides, I never proposed an especially high pay-per-meeting amount—just around 50,000 yen each time.
I wish men would first understand that women participate in this kind of activity because they need money, to some extent. How does the club explain women’s stance to its male members? I wondered whether they might be told that women are also looking for romance, so I wanted to ask.
Maezawa from the president’s office here as well.
> Is this the only man who misunderstands what a dating club is?
There seem to be a few others.
That said, the club is only aware of a handful of them, and I believe the club has warned some of them before.
They failed to pay the allowance after going to a hotel. The men made excuses such as, “That wasn’t my intention,” or “I thought we had agreed on that with the woman.”
I believe they’ve been told that if they do the same thing again, they’ll be forcibly expelled from the club.
Because of that, they’ve apparently started making their terms clear, which may be why, like you, the questioner, you find yourself thinking, “What on earth is this man talking about?”
I think it would be best to understand that there are a very small number of men like this.
That said, I’d still appreciate it if you could provide feedback each time.
If there are too many blatantly misguided comments, then even if they claim, “It’s free love, so we can do whatever we want,” I think the club can take the position that such behavior is inappropriate for a dating club.
There are a small number of men who misunderstand what “free” means in “free love,” so I hope you’ll find a tactful way to handle them.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
If she only needs a little extra money to supplement her current lifestyle, she may be looking for a relationship like this.
As a man, I’d also want to avoid a money grubber, and I wouldn’t want to date a woman who makes me think, “Honestly, I had to put up with how uncomfortable I felt.”
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> How does the club explain the women’s expectations and approach to the male members? I’m asking because I wonder whether they might be told that the women are also looking for romance.
In some women’s profiles, the staff comments mention the kind of relationship they’re looking for:
- A pseudo-romantic arrangement?
- A transactional relationship?
I assume the men initially understood why the women were using a dating club, but perhaps they later mistakenly shifted into a romantic mindset?
Rather than saying:
> “If you want to continue the relationship but are having financial difficulties, please look for someone new,”
I think it would be more accurate to say:
> “I want to continue our relationship, but if you’re having financial difficulties, please look for someone else as well.”
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I don’t remember the club ever telling me at the time of enrollment that there were women looking for a romantic relationship.
I think that man should be removed from the club.
At the same time, though, I feel that if you go into a relationship thinking, “I put up with how gross the man I was seeing was,” you may end up missing out on a genuinely good connection.
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No allowance is out of the question, but if he means, “I can’t give you as much allowance as you’d like,” then he’s saying he’s okay with you having multiple papas—which would actually be welcome, wouldn’t it?
It’s kind of the opposite of the previous question.
Marika
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a columnist.
I think it’s best to simply assume you weren’t compatible and move on.
If you want to think about it more deeply, perhaps it felt too much like using an adult service, making them think, “In that case, I might as well just go to one.” Unlike adult services, papa-katsu has a broader range of needs, so maybe they failed to pick up on those nuances—or perhaps you were simply incompatible.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
It was just bad luck. Please consider yourself unlucky, say goodbye, and wait for your next offer. Unfortunately, that’s how this system works—some people do join expecting to pursue a romantic relationship.
Please give the club feedback so that other female members don’t have to go through the same unpleasant experience.
The club does not encourage relationships without money being involved. The papa side also understands that paying money reduces their risk. To put it bluntly, it’s like paying a settlement in advance: fewer disputes, fewer complications, and less chance of their identity being exposed. They understand that money protects them.
I’m sorry that some papas are unwilling or unable to avoid these risks. Please accept that you were simply unlucky, say goodbye, and wait for your next offer.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
The document titled “Important Notes and Requests”—which is identical or nearly identical to the one shown to me during my interview when I joined—is available on the male members’ page and can be viewed at any time.
It says:
> “In a dating club, ‘dating (a relationship between a man and a woman)’ means a relationship involving compensation.”
Under the Tokyo Ordinance Regulating the Operation of Dating Clubs, a dating club is defined as “a business that arranges compensated relationships between clients and other clients of the opposite sex.”
I think this is a clear statement based on that definition.
I believe only a very small minority of men fail to understand this.
That said, regarding the man’s opening comment—“If you want to continue the relationship but are having financial difficulties, please look for someone new”—I also felt that, based on this statement alone, it’s unclear whether he wants a relationship without compensation.
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