I’d been seeing a college student I met through a club about once a month for the past six months, but she suddenly stopped reading my LINE messages and disappeared. She attends a prestigious university and was a wonderful, sincere, family-oriented girl with an almost ethereal quality, so I was just about to ask her about switching to a monthly arrangement.
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Even the last time we met and had an adult relationship (intimate), the atmosphere wasn’t bad, and she didn’t seem particularly put off by me, which makes it hard to give up.
As for why she may have cut me off, my guess is that I fell for her and couldn’t hide the fact that I liked her so much—that my feelings came through even in my LINE messages and she found it troublesome. Although she rarely initiated replies, I was sending her messages fairly often.
It suddenly occurred to me: is it acceptable to make a second offer to the same girl? (She hasn’t left the club as of now.) I’m prepared to swallow my tears and accept that she dislikes me and doesn’t want to see me again, but I feel that if I could have the club ask her why, I might be able to accept it and move on.
I’d appreciate everyone’s answers, including the harsh ones.
I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
Originally, a monthly arrangement is supposed to be a relationship where either person can end things whenever they want.
Instead of sending so many LINE messages, why not just meet six times during the first month...?
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I’m Nana Ayase♡
Did you really only invite her out once a month?
No wonder she cut things off—that’s only once a month, right? You should have been meeting at least twice. She probably went to someone else who could see her more often and offered a better allowance.
If you’re only meeting once a month, you need to at least offer a little more allowance. You lost out to another man. That’s too bad.
I think it was in July—the second offer. I met him the other day, but I had quite a few complaints to make to the staff.
Even though it was my first time meeting him, he told me to lick his anus and asked to do it bare. I told him I didn’t like that.
I’d at least like to meet two or three times first, and have him wait until I’ve carefully washed beforehand.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I’ve also had a few papas who faded out in a similar way. You don’t necessarily have to dislike someone—there can be all sorts of reasons, like getting a boyfriend or realizing there’s no real reason to keep seeing someone you don’t particularly like, allowance included. You probably should’ve switched to a monthly arrangement sooner…
But whatever you do, don’t try contacting her now. She’ll only find it creepy and see you as a stalker, which will just make the situation worse.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’m not completely sure I remember correctly, but I believe it was up to the staff to decide whether the club would accept a second offer. I recommend checking with your usual contact person.
That said, putting myself in the woman’s position, I feel that receiving a second offer would probably only make her feel even more hesitant.
By the way, seeing someone once a month for six months seems like a very shallow relationship to me. You’ve only met around six times, right? It doesn’t sound like a relationship worth clinging to that much.
Besides, if a papa (a male supporter) she had only met that few times fell for her and started sending her LINE messages, she probably felt more confused than anything.
I think you should use what you’ve learned from analyzing the situation and look for someone else to date.
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I’m a male member named Dai.
I completely understand why you want to know the reason after seeing her for six months. (I sometimes feel the same way.)
But even if you ask, I don’t think the answer will really satisfy you.
For example, if she says she ended things because you sent too many LINE messages and she got tired of replying, wouldn’t you probably think, “Then I’ll just message her less often—maybe we can work things out”?
The reason is only the trigger. It’s likely that various things built up over time and led to the current situation, so it’s not something you can fix and then simply return to how things were.
Reflect on what happened and apply it to your next relationship.
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I’m columnist Fuu.
That sounds painful. But it’s probably best to move on.
I’d say there’s almost a 100% chance she’ll turn you down even if you make another offer, and she probably won’t answer if you ask why. So I wouldn’t count on it.
One of the good things about this club is that you can keep making offers and move on to the next person. Make some offers and find a girl who’s a good fit.
It sounds like you already understand some of the things you need to reflect on, so try to improve them next time. From a PJ’s perspective, getting too emotionally attached can become annoying. It seems that keeping a healthy distance is important.
I understand how you feel. Fuu dates multiple people so her feelings don’t become too heavy for any one person. Even if things end with one, the others can help cheer her up, so I recommend it.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
That’s a bit disappointing, isn’t it…
Maybe you sent a little too much.
I don’t think young women generally see middle-aged men as romantic prospects. After meeting several times, though, they may start to feel, “Maybe this older guy does think about me a little,” or something along those lines.
You could ask why she let you go, but do you think she’ll really tell you the truth?
Also, I don’t think you should make another offer.
The outcome would probably be the same…
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