How can you tell whether someone’s genuinely in love with you or just deceiving you? Is this kind of thing becoming common? These con-artist-like tactics, I mean.
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I’ve seen posts here before about men offering only rent as an allowance, too.
When I read things like that, I start thinking that an older man’s ugliness isn’t limited to his body. Could you also tell me how to avoid getting involved with men like that?
I especially feel like younger girls must get deceived by men who are good at putting on a mask. It’s really sad, and that previous question honestly made me feel sick.
I tend to attract the genuinely-in-love type (or older men pretending to be genuinely in love?), so now I’m feeling uneasy too. I’d really appreciate any advice.
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
When it comes to deceiving and being deceived, both sides are responsible. It’s not only a problem on the men’s side—women deceive their papas, too. There are all kinds of tactics, like those used by the “頂き女子” that have been making headlines recently.
To avoid getting hurt by being deceived, observe the other person carefully and protect yourselves.
And as for the questioner, your wording—calling someone an old man, saying it makes you sick, and using other nasty language—is pretty ugly too. So the ugliness goes both ways.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
In a way, you might be happier as long as you don’t realize you’re being deceived.
The man dating the questioner may think that an older man’s ugliness isn’t just physical, but because he hides that side of himself, you’re able to enjoy the relationship happily, aren’t you?
It goes both ways.
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I’m Date Yume, a male member.
I’m with Mac!
papa-katsu is a contract. As long as both parties are dating according to the terms, I don’t see a problem whether it’s genuine love or a purely transactional relationship.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If papa-katsu isn’t for you, you should just quit.
Both women and men are easily deceived by the opposite sex—or rather, they were born to be deceived...
Ah, no, that’s not it. They’ve lived their lives believing in the opposite sex.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
I believe that to “trust” someone fundamentally means being willing to accept the possibility of being deceived.
Because people eventually felt that trust had its limits, they came up with things like laws and contracts. That’s why marriage is no longer simply about whether you trust someone or not; it involves entering into an interpersonal contract called marriage.
There’s no way to tell whether someone’s feelings are genuinely romantic. If they were sincere at the time but their feelings changed over the years, does that mean they deceived you?
If you don’t want to be deceived, all you can do is become wiser and improve your ability to draw the line between what you will and won’t believe.
Because you’re a woman involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), your argument inevitably seems to be based only on information about papa-katsu women being deceived.
If you truly want to improve your judgment, you need to look at men’s perspectives as well, and consider the situation from multiple angles.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Honestly, I’m grateful when someone catches real feelings for me because they’re more likely to focus on me exclusively. They’d probably give me a generous allowance too, so I wish people would look at it more positively.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Many women want their papa (a male supporter) to cover their rent each month as their allowance, so there’s nothing wrong with the allowance being used for rent as long as both parties agree.
From your question, I couldn’t tell exactly what upset you. Rather than dismissing the whole situation as disgusting, I think you should seriously identify and sort through, one by one, the specific reasons why it made you feel that way.
As for how to tell whether the other person’s romantic feelings are genuine, there’s no way to read someone else’s mind, so you can never know for sure whether their feelings are as genuine as you hope. All you can do is observe their usual behavior and decide each time whether you’re satisfied with it. If that sounds like too much trouble, perhaps you simply shouldn’t get involved with someone who seems to be developing real feelings from the start.
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I’m Nana Ayase ♡
I do think people who get deceived—or, well, who can’t tell what’s going on—share some of the blame, but calling them “old men, old men” is pretty rude.
Isn’t it a good thing to be popular with people who genuinely fall for you?
I used to be an idol, so I tend to attract otaku types—and then they follow me around. It hasn’t turned violent or anything, but it’s quietly scary.
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